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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

i need help

Ok so I'm 25yrs old with a addiction that is ruining my life. I'm addicted to pain pills. I rely on them for everything.. Its sad. I don't want to do anything if I don't have any. And that is really difficult since I have two babies to take care of constantly. I find myself angry all the time and strongly dislike myself when I don't have any. I hate how agitated I am and how quickly&easily I get mad at anything and everything its horrible. My addiction is ruining my life,my marriage and my children's future in a sense because without pain pills I am useless it seems. Ive never hated myself so much in my life till now. I don't want to keep doing this.. This up and down battle with life. I'm happy when I have them but miserable and angry monster when I'm almost out and the thought of how I'm going to get more scares me because its so hard to do anymore.I took my last one a few hours ago and I've been really angry and iratable ever since then cuz I don't know how I'm gong to get any more.. So until something comes along my family is going to go threw hell pretty much because I'm mean and going threw withdrawals. I hate that it's got this far and I'm really over it! I can't even afford it to. My family deserves the best and the world their amazing and don't need to drug down by me in any kind of way!! I need to quit! But can't go threw withdrawals and all the stuff that comes with it in front of my family especially because my husband doesn't know how to handle it and make it worse he usually trys leave me when I go threw it or he makes me so upset i think about doing the worse.So please I need advice on what to do I'm so lost!!!:(
7 Responses
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome~

We understand what you are going thru and we are here to help.  What are you taking and how much?
Avatar universal
Yes, we completely understand what you are going through.  I don't have children but I have been an addict for years and I understand the pain and anguish, both mental and physical, that you endure.  It sounds like you want the best for your family.  You're taking the first step in the right direction by asking about and for help!  Good for you!

I take Suboxone, I don't know if you have heard of it but is a mixture of buprenorphine (an opiate) and nalaxone (an opiate blocker).  You take it sublinguially (under your tongue), and it keeps you level and keeps your cravings at bay-all while making it worthless to use other drugs because the opiate blocker covers the receptors after the buprenorphine has taken effect.  I don't know where you live, if it's rural or you're closer to a big city but there are suboxone clinics and doctors everywhere.  You can go to suboxone.com and enter your zip code which will help locate doctors and clinics near you.  Methadone is another drug to help get off of opiates.

On top of medication therapy, counseling is crucial.  I used to be a down and out heroin addict and lost a lot of time, I'm 31 and just getting back into college but it's NEVER too late.  Please find someone to talk to.  I don't know if you have insurance but if not, please go to a public health center and try to see a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist and they can guide you in the right direction.  But you are taking the first step in admitting you have a problem and everyone here that read this is proud of you!!  Please give us more information as to what you're taking/how often/ROA(route of administration) etc...I would love to help as much as I can.  I will keep you in my thoughts hun.  Hang in there.  You can beat this!  :)
16660006 tn?1450148224
Lostinmt,  

I couldn't have said it better myself.  I was in active addiction for over addiction also ending up injecting heroin but we all end up in the same place, "sick and tired of being sick and tired".  I congratulate you on not only seeking medical help with suboxone (I took it for 5 years)  but mentioning the counseling aspect is where the healing comes into plau very seriously.  It's funny because I, too,  went to college at 32,  finally having my life in order.  Are you suggested heavily by being on suboxone to attend therapy? I was and it saved me.  In fact 4.5yrs ago,  I moved back to where I was originally from, continued suboxone for another year and got pregnant for my second child.  Where I'm currently  living, they don't prescribe that to pregnant women so it was either lose the baby in withdrawal or switch to methadone.  That was the hardest choice.  I wasn't supposed to have children and my first I had beautifully onsuboxone,   no withdrawals.  My son stayed in then nicu for 6 weeks weaning from methadone.  I do continue to go to the clinic, as maintenance is maintenance but have started weaning off, hopefully for good.  I'm an addict for life, as everyone else at the clinic, but I'm leaps and bounds ahead of them because ofthe 4 years of therapy to  learnto change my behaviors and learn coping skills.  Maintenance has saved my life and I was blessed not getting pregnant until I was 8 months into the program.

Honey,  hang in there and know your loved.  Your husband, it sounds, doesn't understand addiction.  And wanting more for your babies will help you.  It is said you need to want it for you but I still do everything I need to right for those babies of mine.  I agree with the above comment.  I'd find a local clinic,  we have some that drive an hour daily at first until they are phased up.  But it's worth it being ina  recovery program and being near others like yourself
The big book tells us, we aren't bad people or immoral peopl,  we are sick.  Much love and positive energy your way
Avatar universal
Hi...well your at the same place where a lot of us have been....your powerless over your addiction and your life has become unmanageable   just know this there is life after the pills....you say you cant go threw withdrawals??? it is only around 4 days of being sick and it is so worth it to not be chained to the pills...you cant keep doing this to yourself give us some history  like how much your taking and for how long so we can better help you where all here to support you we do home detox's every day here please talk to us
........................................Gnarly......................
Avatar universal
Admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help was the best rhibg you could have done. I've been where you are and it's no way to live. I use to take 30 norco a day back in the 90's. I was the same way, I felt like superwoman when I had a bottle of pills, but when I took that last dose I was a hot mess. They completely ran my life for years. I recommend finding a suboxone doctor in your area and only using a small dose for a few days to avoid withdrawal. Support is very important too. NA / AA meetings, substance abuse counseling are out there for you. I highly recommend reserching both methadone and suboxone both before using either one. They are both highly addictive and can be very hard to get off of as well. That's why I say suboxone for just a few days...you won't have any problems getting off of it if only used for a very short time. I'm new to this site too and going through getting off of suboxone. Good luck and will be praying for you. ❣❣
Avatar universal
Im on the other side of the topics here first let me say i will never know what its like to be in your situation however i know the pain your husband is feeling...im here for advice about my fience who is an addict to pills and coke 3 yrs i knew something wasnt right he always complains to be in pain i try to give him love and support we are 2 hours away he admitts to buying his pills i honestly dont believe i even know who he is he said today i just took G ( however you spell it and hes tired why? Did he take more than directed after 4 months of disapering on me i thought of taking my life because i love him so much and want the best i promist to never leave him but i cant go through this no more i have children im so depressed hes all i think about is how to help him wishing i was there. So as you are having difficulty yourself sometimes you can give advice to others. For you im not sure if you can do it alone you want so bad for your heart to tell your mind what you already know also when your beat down into the ground so many times you get to the point when youve had enough like i have im tapped out think of it being physically and emotionally abusing yourself and your family your scared to go to that dark ugly place where you will be alone going through such a physical emotinal time in your life the worst. At the end of your treatment and your clean have you thought abought the person you want to be wife mother what used to make you happy re new those wedding vows to the man you said yes to go look at those newborn baby pictures. Im sorry that this is so long but you touched my heart in so many ways. I pray you stand up and say ok lets do this
Avatar universal
I agree with the suboxone route,  but sometimes it's hard to get and without insurance very expensive.  I will suggest going to a detox center, 3-5 days is the normal stay, and you don't have to worry about the family seeing you go through anything. They have medical ones as well as non medical. Medical is what I prefer,  they will wean you on and off of, usually suboxon. And if you have no insurance you can get state funding... hope this helped
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495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
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