i need help

[slk714]

i know i havent spoken too many people today, but i am really strugglung and need help. i am w/ding really bad and cravings are setting in. i feel like a failure. i watch my neighbor unload her car (she is expecting) and i feel so not normal, like a monster, i have to take pills to survive. why cant i be normal, why cant i be a good mother, and is there any hope. alot of you know of my stresses in the home with my sson, and it has hit an all time high, today might be the day criminal charges are filed. sounds like a solution, but with that comes a lot of grief from the extended family, i just dont need the added stress. i live like a prisoner in my own home, and cant take it anymore. this is why i wanted inpatient so bad last week, now i see it is not optional. i am waiting to see me new OB on the 29th, he has experience with addiction, and he can help me get in. but til then, i am trying so hard to cope, and am being brutal to myself in the meantime. i am looking for support and guidance, please, i feel so bad about myself, i just cant say anymore.

[kim715]

I'm not a doctor or nurse but I was an EMT for many years.The lower number[97] is what you have to keep an eye on.It's called your diastolic number,and it's the relaxation phase of your heart.If you don't hear from someone you've made a call to real soon it's best that you just go to the ER.Especially if your normal diastolic pressure is 20 and you don't have a past history of hypertension.Being pregnant I wouldn't wait much longer to be seen by a doctor,97 can be dangerously high if left untreated.Are you experiencing blurry vision or a really bad headache?

[confused456]

Ohhhhhh slk.......I am sorry I have not been around lately. You can message me if you would like to talk.

[slk714]

im here, my BP is a little better? 147/97. have a call in to freind who works in ER, see if she can take me if need be. i will have no pills come Monday, so i dont know what is best for baby. i really need someone to tell me what will happen if i go, i want to make sure baby is gonna be ok. i am waiting to here from someone who works in the ob field, but in the meantime all i can do is sit and freak out.

[troubleinohio]

hey any updates this morning? i just woke up and wanted to check on you first thing. I dont see anything from you or hear any news from anyone else about you. I sure hope you are ok. If you are home and not in the hospital, please write back and let us know how you are! I hope your BP has stabilized...  

[mommy52713]

HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR AT ALL DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? IF SO DID YOUR DOC KNOW YOU WERE USING THE PILLS?ARE YOU TAPERING SO FAST DUE TO NOT HAVING ENOUGH PILLS? PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND GO TO THE DOC SOON IF YOU ARE NOT FEELING BETTER SOON.DID YOU LET THE DOC YOU ARE GOING TO NEXT WEEK KNOW YOU ARE GOING THROUGH ALL THIS?

[slk714]

yes, definatley. i will let you know., i am gonna drink some calming tea, and take BP again, and we will see, hubby is on his way home and very concerned, he will take care of me.

[troubleinohio]

I will be praying for you hon. Is there anyone from this forum you can call or anything to let us know how you are if you ar in the hospital? I will be worrying if we dont hear from you!

[slk714]

thanks for the info, i pulled it up and i think it might be time to go back to the ER, will keep you posted. thank you

[troubleinohio]

http://www.preeclampsia.org/

[slk714]

im 17 weeks, what is pre-eclampsia??

[troubleinohio]

how many weeks are you now? i forget?  If the BP doesnt go down, you will have to go to ER and get on something (is it magnesium sulfate?? something like that) You are in danger of pre-eclampsia.  Have you had it before in other pregnancies? Now im worried about you, I ddint know you were having high BP issues when i first responded

[slk714]

no, no supervision, i got my advice from here, they told me not to go without. but i dont know what to watch for at all! PLEASE TELL ME, so i have tapered 1.5 pills for 2 days, now i am down to 2 pills tomorrow, then 1 pill sunday, and 1 monday??? i am tapering way too fast , i know, this was  not my plan at all. i am very concerned as well. so yes, i am still on meds, but a lower dose than ever in 2 years in 2 days, i have been told with my history of pregnancy how dangerous this is, i dont know what to do. if i go to ER, well, you know what happened before, will they help me?? and what do you think about BP, i know its high, am i in danger. i have my dads Dr  i called, but he knows nothing about prenatal and i get the drift he doesnt want the responsibility. dont know what to do, just riding it out

[Jacqui805]

You taking medication at all?  I'm just concerned...I'm concerned about you w/d ing not under direct supervision at this point in your pregnancy.  Did they at least tell you things to watch for, that kind of thing?

[slk714]

to trouble: i am hooked up to BP machine at the advice of family Dr (my dads), and no its not good, ive been 160 over 98 for 3 hours straight, i am usually 120 over 80 solid! thats what scares me.

Jacqui: i am not under any care other than phone calls to whoever will help and has seen me in the past, im in transition right now,and will see new Dr on Tues. i have been asking advice on here to a couple Ob nurses who told me what to do as far as a fast taper plan, if need be i will go into ER, can you give me any advice on the BP thing, how long before i should go in?? they are so eveasive over the phone, and i understand, but i need to know when enough is enough. i have been doing breathing exercises, but i cannot eat and havent slept for 2 days, im sure that is not helping my situation

JoAnn: thanks , i agree i really took that prayer to heart.

[joann1975]

That was so sweet your prayer for her....thank you. I have been praying for her all day as well and we know God will take care of her, her baby and their needs!

[Jacqui805]

Is anyone managing you health-wise through this right now?

[troubleinohio]

Im so sorry you are having such a tough time right now =(    I wish i could help you somehow.   btw feeling the baby move is good though, Id be more worried if you couldnt feel he/she moving around.  I remember when i was about 7 or 8 months pregnant with my youngest, I caugth the most awful stomach flu in the world, puking every 10 miniutes, stomach pains, diarrhea, severe nausea the whole nine yards, it was horrible. And i still remember how much i could feel him moving around in there the whole time and i felt bad that he musta been feeling the same sickness as I was but there was nothing i could do about it. He of course was fine and so will your baby (i know our situations are different, but opiate WD wont hurt a baby either) The only thing i would be really concerned about is how your BP is? do you have a way to take your pressure ?
I hope you feel better soon hon and that your WDs dont last too long.
PS keep yourself hydrated!!!

[lostdreams]

Amen! (lucy's prayer)

I'm also praying for you to hun!
Keep yourself positive............i know it is hard to do so but please hang in there!

You ARE in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care

[slk714]

i am 17 weeks, and thanks for your support.

[mommy52713]

HUN I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SUCH A ROUGH TIME.HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU ARE TRYING SO HARD TO KICK THIS ADDICTION AND BEING PREGNANT AT THE SAME TIME MUST MAKE IT SO MUCH HARDER. I HOPE YOUR NEW DOCTOR CAN HELP YOU GET INTO AN INPATIENT REHAB. I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.♥

[slk714]

thank you, God, thank you!

[lucyred68]

Lord, i pray for my sister, slk714.  You know who she is and You know all about her problems.  I pray that You will calm the baby and protect her from miscarriage.  Protect her from her son, and calm his spirit.  remove the anger from him.  I ask You to send your Spirit of Peace into their home, and strengthen my sister as she does what she needs to for her baby's sake.  touch her body, and remove the reason that she needed the pain meds in the first place.  In Jesus wonderful Name,  amen

I will continue to pray for you, hun.  God loves you and will help you through this.  He doesn't neccessarily take it all away, or it would be easy to go back to our old ways, but He will give you the needed strength and courage to do what you need to do.

Lucy

[slk714]

thank you, i do feel better now that im out here again, ive been curled up on couch all day. i didnt expect this to happen, with everything going on hubby mis calculated and my taper was cut short, real short, maybe Gods way of intervening?? dont know, all i can say is if it were me, i would soldier it out, with the baby i feel so horrible words cannot describe. not playing down w/d for anyone not pregnant, of course, but to feel so much movement all i can associate it with is the baby is in w/d, that kills me!!! I am just praying for strength for both of us, we have called around and do understand the risk of miscarriage in the next couple of days, God if that isnt a wake up call, what is. im sorry to go on and on, i just have to get this out.

[Mikeinthesouth]

It helps to get it out here and I hope you hang in there.