im back

[oxygirl487]

i'm back from my dr.s appointment which sucked...lol....i had an MRI last thurs i think and my dr had my results....bad bad bad...she thinks i may need another surgery one maybe 2 of my discs r "leaking" whatever that means...she said im in to much pain to not take any pain meds and tht in my situation nothing non narcotic will work.....i told her i was over 30 days clean and she sais she was proud of me and knew it had to be hard but ye she was preaching that i neeed pain pills....maybe i do...i know i hurt...like someone is plunging a kinfe in my back and i can barely walk when i get up but i just thought that was part of w/d...dr said pain was part of w/d but not like im having my bp was 155/95 which is high for me she said it was because of pain...im so confused..but anyway im sitting here with a script for 120 7.5 percosets unfilled.....i dont have the money to fill them thank god lol.....i want to rip it up into a million pieces but the way my back feels i want to get it filled tommorrow when hubby gts paid.....i just wanted to ask what would u guys do in my situation?she also gave me naproxen and tramadol .....confused and suffering

[road2recovery]

I ao sorry to hear about your pain....You have a very tough decisiion..I would get a second opinion...I know for me to ever go back i would have to be bed-ridden....I will be honest with you...Before my surgery i was in so much pain that i really couldn't do anything...Not even come on here and type..the problem was the pain meds were not working anymore....I knew once i had surgery pain would be gone....Are you postitive that if you have surgery pain will be gone.???

you really need to ask yourself how much pain are you in??  WE know as addicts we cannot take as directed...Also your Doc is oxy's. you know percacets is going to wake up that part of your brain that wants the oxys....I know this has to be hard, but think how long it took you to get to 30 days..

If you decide to have the sugery, i would do it as soon as possible, then have the doctor help you get off as soon as you can.
Let me know , i wish you the best, again i am sorry you are going through this
r2r

[Plasticman66]

Oh and I agree that Methadone is the best and most stable meds I have ever taken. I think it is strong and steady so people are less inclined to take more for legit pain and crash. Hydro and oxy in small doses arent  that effective sometimes for pain relief.. It is a shame that since it is used for heroin withdrawal such a stigma attached to it.Alot docs will not go near it even though it has less abuse potential than anything I have ever taken.

[Plasticman66]

I think that people are too hard on themselves, I have been taking pain meds for 3 years and have never eaten the whole bottle or anything. (wanted to) but I know I will be out of luck for the rest of the month. does every one that takes pills have to be addicted? I think some let our just say no culture get to them a little too much. But I suppose only the individuals can decide that for themselves. Not to be in denial about my own problems but doc DO prescribe them for a reason, being in pain sucks and beside the tolerance and abuse potential opiates are some of the oldest and safest drugs out there. Am I wrong?

[mrpat]

I have 2 more lumbar fusions to go thru. I was on oxys for almost a year,started with 20mgs 2x day ended up on 40mgs 3x ady plus 15mgs oxycodone every 6 hours for breakthrough pain,needles to say I never took it like it was prescribed. I am now on 80 mgs methadone (20 mgs 4x a day) but believe it or not it actually helps and I do take it as prescribed.I have had 3 surgeries in the past 2 years 2 on lower back and just here in october they went thru the front of my neck and replaced 2 discs and fused them all together it is called an ACDF don't really know how to pronounce it so its easy to give the initials. But my pain is more bearable,on a scale of 1 to 10 it averages4 but it used to always be a 7 or8 even with the oxys. Keep up you spirits believe me you sound a lot happier now than you did a month ago, and don't worry things will work out, you have been doing alot to help yourself and remember god helps those who help theirselves. I really do enjoy reading your comments.Once again good luck and merry christmas,ho ho ho. Love everyone out there !

[oxygirl487]

thanks .....i needed to hear that.....embarrassing posts ive made though in the last month  lol....but helped alot...what kinda surgeries do u have to have done?and what kinda pill u take? just curious i hope its not oxcy's ....they work very well for pain but r o addictive and so hard to w/d from... someone told me it was like w/d ing from heroin...... sure does hurt i know that....i just thought id feel btter than i do now and my hubby feels so good im jealous ...i know that thats bad but its not fair lol.....im such a cry baby....im happy for him and so very proud but im afraid that if i have to start taking my meds again he will be right back on them too....he says he can give them to me as needed but i dont think he could do that its to early i think....plus i wouldnt wanna make him do that....its to much temptation.....sorry i rambled and got way off subject im good at that lol....love u god bless u and merry christmas to u also

[mrpat]

You don't discourage me one bit. I have read your posts for the last month and to quit taking as much pills as you have is very inspiring to me. like I said it is posts like yours that help me take my meds the way I am suppose to. Oxy you shouls hold you head up very high and holler at the world that they might kick you but they damn sure can't beat you. I want to thank you very much for your help and after I get these next two surgeries, I to am gonna become drug free once again and with every one support and thoughts on these posts I know I will do it , so once again to you and everyone else THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND HAVE A JOYOUS HOLIDAY!

[hopsing94]

your not discouraging me,quite the opposite. I've read your posts and you have encouraged me and your right addiction to these pills sux.

[oxygirl487]

oh no no no please dont feel like that.....i hope i dont make people feel that way .....i needed them for pain yes but i also was an adict and overusing my meds  i just thought the pain would end and i gues im outta luck there.....please dont feel bad.....im probably not gonna get these filled i just knwo in my heart that i will abuse them once i do....ive already started jonesing....addiction to pain pills sux   damned if u do damned if u dont i suppose.....im so discouraging today im sorry

[hopsing94]

Man do I feel like **** for taking these pills when people like you actually need them and still don't want to take them because of the effects of w/d. Very sorry to hear about the pain in your back,stay strong. You seem like a very nice person and have helped me along so I wish the best for you and a Merry Christmas.

[mrpat]

I suffer alot of chronic pain,and I used to take my meds as much as I wanted and when I wanted, but these forums and the memories of the w/ds from running out so soon actually help me take them they way they are prescribed. So if you do take them just keep in mind the w/ds the elevated pain from not having any meds,read these forums everytime you want to take that extra pil as they do help trmendously and once again best wishes to you on your decision.

[buttercups]

No, no! Don't think you shouldn't post stuff. If you don't post your thoughts, people can't help out.

I didn't mean I thought you were suicidal. I was more afraid that if you fill your prescription tomorrow that you won't be able to take them as prescribed.You've been clean for over 30 days, and that's so huge! I just wish you felt better, and weren't still having some w/d's. Most of us are lucky that after the first week, we feel a lot better.
When you throw in excruciating pain, it can be unbearable.

I've got to make dinner, but good luck! Message me if you'd like to vent any more. I wish I had of had this place when I was w/d-ing.

[oxygirl487]

ur not being mean....just honest.....i say crazy stuff all the time im not suicidal if thats what u think...now that i read it it does sound that way.....depressed but not suicidal  lol......dont be afarid for me im ok....im in alot of pain but im used to it kinda......im just weird....i tell my hubby everything....was just a thought i was having and im bad topost stuff i shouldnt  lol.....me and my big mouth.....sorry if i worried u......i like making my hubby's life hell to much to kill myself    lol   im so not funny........................

[buttercups]

Oii....I didn't realize your hubby was addicted before, as well. It scares me when you say you're looking for someone to say it's ok to eat the whole bottle, or that you might fill them without telling him. You even said it..there's your addict mind talking again.

I don't know what to say now. *sigh*.  I hate to see people in severe pain, but I don't think you're at a point where you could responsibly take management over your pain meds.

Please tell your husband the truth about everything going on in your mind, and hopefully he can help you make a good decision.
I hope that doesn't sound mean. I don't mean it to at all. Just some of the stuff you wrote...I"m afraid for you.
Please let us know how you're doing and what decision you make ok?

[oxygirl487]

thanks congrats on the 32 days clean so proud of u.....i do have alot of pain and i know i sound like a little whiny baby but my main concern really which i failed to mention in my post is my hubby....i called and told him what my dr did and he was like well u need em i dont..u need to get them filled tomorrow and i will give them to u as directed...yeah right....we all know what will happen there....ive tried everything the cortizone shots the epidural blocks,lidoderm patches,ibuprofen...the only thing that worked for me to be pain free was oc's.....maybe im just wanting u guys to justify that its ok for me to eat the whoel botle  lol.....i kinda envy some people on here im over 30 days clean and i still feel like ****....the w/d is over its just on most days i dont even wanan get out of bed if it wasnt  for u guys and my kids i probably wouldnt.....i envy my hubby too mr.energy and he acts like i should feel like him....well i dont.....im grouchy,im in pain,i have no energy,i look like ****  lol....most days im in my pj's all day  im sur hubby thinks thats sexy hes just to nice to say anything  lol.....i was addicted to pain pills for almost 5 yrs he was only on them for almost 2 (which is long enuff) i think i deserve a little more patience from him...sorry im just venting....maybe i should get em filled just not tell him......see theres addict mind tallking again.....ugggg i give up  

[mrpat]

If thepills help you and let youlead somewhat of a normal life then by all means use them. It is no good to be drug free if you cannot do things youlike to do because you are in too much pain. Better to be on drugs leading somewhat of a normal life than being bedridden and always having to be in pain.nothing sucks more than having to have other people do things for you because you are in so much pain you are unable to do them yourself.it is chrismas and if you have children or grandchildren do you not want to be able to hold and play with them? take you meds and don't feel no shame and best of luck on whatever you decide!

[buttercups]

I was just telling someone a few hours ago I felt the same way. I probably don't have the kind of pain you're having, but I suffer chronic pain, and I have been off narcotics for over 4 months now. My doctor keeps telling me that I probably will one day need to use narcotics for pain control, but I remember the hell I went through getting off of all the pain meds. I have percocet 5/325 in the house but I really try to forget they are there, and take my non narcotics to control my pain.
I think Cathy's right. Only you know if you can take them as prescribed.If the naproxen and tramadol work, then great. But if you're in absolute agony, I'd get someone to dispense the pills for you.

I hope you get some relief soon :)

[cathy5841]

you are in a hard place...but you and only you know whether or not you can take the pills as prescribed...do some soul searchin and i am sure you will get your answer.  they are made for pain.  do you have someone that hold the pills for you?  i had surgery,two weeks ago tom amd i took the pills cuz i had to, i only took what i had to have to control the pain and as soon as i could (within the 1st wk) i stopped and even threw some away.  i am clean 32 days and lovin it.  i don't have constant pain though so you do what you have to do.  we are here for you if you need us.
cathy