im still standing

[bama88]

hi everyone. well its been four days since my surgery. yesterday i put the percs down. i am in so much pain thru this surgery. and because i took oxycontin so long i reset my brains preseption of pain. i don't get any relief from the percs even when i took two. so after fighting with my mom i choice to take nothing. i even resorted to spitting the pills out a couple of times. i was and am being stubborn. for my own good. and much to my sunrise its amazing how much pain one can truly endure. and this morning i walked all by myself to bathroom. no walker no crutches. i did have a shadow to follow me with walker but i did it. i have learned to put my sobriety first amd didn't tale this surgery as an excuse to use. before i would have been out of percs on day four anyways. so when i put that into my head it made it easier. so again i will say to everyone if this ole girl can do it..so can you. and the best part was i dot have any withdrawl symptoms..nothing. i wouldn't let those pills get a hold of me. i had to fight my mom on a couple of occasions. she thinks you've got to take the medicine EXACTLY AS WRITTEN. not as needed. i think because i never got ahead of the pain this time it was harder yet easier. a hard week of pain. i was never comfortable i never got high. even in recovery. so i guess in one way the oxycontin saved my life. i even talked to my doctor about this. Jesus left it up to me. i could have gotten some oxycontin but i said no. i don't want to go thru the terror again. i am just being honest. it wasn't and isn't easy to be in so much pain. but i would rather be sober tand hurt than go back to being high.

for all my new friends...if your going thru detox keep on keeping on. think of me. think of knee surgery with no pain control. wrap your mind around using too much oxy and going thru surgery with pain. i remeber what my recovery nurse said...my baseline pain is distorted because of longterm oxy use. i knew then and there i was sunk. i knew id not get thru this surgery without pain. again read this and make it another reason to stay sober. it will take much brain a year to reset itself. i think my addicted brain made me hurt more in hopes i would give on and feed it more oxycontin ...and that is a scarey thought....

[bama88]

oh if i did not have a support group around me. if i was left alone like before i would have took all those pills. i would have kept taking and taking until i got the desired affect. so see there is hope. im proof.

[laurel453]

hey, feel proud !!! :)

i have experienced that the breathing exercises that are advised for anxiety, can help also with pain.... Hope you will feel better very soon !

[bama88]

i did breathing exercises alot this time. deep breathes in thru nose and out thru mouth. oh yeah. i had too. but sometimes the pain is so intense you forget to breathe period. those were bad moments. i kept telling myself its four days to the otherside. four days. i have had so many surgeries on my knees. i know the timeline by heart. so i just went with it. i fought my mom. i even went out as early as Wed. i tried everything.

[laurel453]

you are a smart girl... you are doing everything to  pull through all this and  you will do it, bama !

[bama88]

thank laurel. i am trying. all we can do. keep focused and try.

[bewitched_queen]

I'm so proud of you Bama & so happy for you. I hope one day to have that support team and be able to shake this monkey off my back, before it kills me. It's only a matter of time & I'm not going to kid myself that its not. You have gotten farther than I ever have and I look up to you. Congratulations girlfriend, you're a winner!!  - Heather

[bama88]

thanks..im in the thick of pain again....oh my gawd i wish i never had this scope. i have a heartbeat in my knee. this is the hard part. im elevated and iced down. and now my heartbeat is in my knee...i was too hopeful. yikes.

[Sarah11212]

So proud of you Bama!!!
You have shown us newer folks that we CAN do this by looking at what you've had to endure this week.
You are one of the few I look up to on this forum. You and others keep me going everyday!
Keep pushing forward, I know you've got it in you!
xoxo

[bama88]

why thank you. im glad to help. i have chronicled my journey as real as i can. i want people to see that pills are not thru answer. take it from me. i never thought id be a pillhead . but i am also alot of other things too. i am not broken. i am standing.

[bama88]

why thank you. im glad to help. i have chronicled my journey as real as i can. i want people to see that pills are not thru answer. take it from me. i never thought id be a pillhead . but i am also alot of other things too. i am not broken. i am standing.

[ricart70]

hope you start to get better soon bama.I would think you may want to stay off of that knee for a few more days but hope yuo get better!

[lostmakeupgirl]

I wish you a speedy recovery and you truly are inspirational! I needed that today is by far the worst day in my short 3days of being without any pills and reading your post reminded me why its worth it!

[bama88]

i got my car back!! i drove it home!! i love my car!! everytime i drive it i will think of addiction. what it cost me.

what I've learned. I've learned i have so much to be thankful for. wow i feel so much better. i can't believe what I've lost as well as found...truly eye opening...as my husband said..i bought this experience...and i don't like that experience any more. finally something to be proud of again.

[NeverDreamed]

So Proud of you Lady!!  You are so strong.  Take it easy though, don't make to many walk alones to the bathroom, but good for you for making it.  You are motivation.  

I fear the day I will need Knee or back surgery, I'm very tall for a woman (6ft 1in), i'm not obese, but not a thin woman either and my knees are killing me lately... Every time I take a step up, or down even stepping up or down from a curb it's like someone is stabbing the center of my knees, with a very sharp object.  I worry about what the dr. will say, but I manage through it because it goes away so quickly after I step on to a level ground.  I don't call the dr. yet because i'm only at Day 22, and don't feel if I had to have some procedure, i'd be able to manage the meds just yet as you have.  I look up to you Bama!  Thank you!

[bama88]

thanks for the compliant. i mean it. I've been thru h3ll and back. i respect anyone who walks away from the opiates. i feel like i had a monster inside. that i was the monster. i still know im young in sobriety. i have to keep reseting my dates. even Thu i had surgery i had to take opiates. i don't consider those clean days. an recovering alcoholic can never drink again..once the switch is one in your brain. which comes around 90

[bama88]

sorry dumb phone. but once you've came to terms with what addiction is. how it affects you. the damage you've done. make some repairs. around the 90 day mark you change your thinking. that's the big turning point.

[LeaAnn807]

Ok, I missed what kind of surgery you had???  But WOW.......you're doing so good.  It's amazing to get that strong resolve and choose pain over pills, isn't it?  I've had to do that quite a bit lately, even with docs who know about my addiction offering me pain relief.  (it would be short term, but was offered nonetheless!)  The way I see it is that I stand a chance of liking it any time I put one in my mouth even after being clean for this long.  I just can't risk it.  I'd rather have physical pain than the emotional stuff and disappoint myself and my family by becoming an active addict again.  I used to hear people in meetings saying, "I'm a grateful recovering addict!"  And I thought......WHAT?  Grateful for feeling like crap everyday??  What's wrong with these morons?  LOL Now I see what they mean.  I'm grateful to have my life back now, and no one and no pill is taking that from me!!!!!

Anyway, I'm very proud of your strength and praying that your recovery is swift and your pain goes away some everyday!  Post op day 3/4 have always been the worst for me when I've had surgery.  You can make it now!!!  You're on the downhill slide.  : )