Aa
in a bad spot and need help/support!!
where to start.. i am going to make this as to the point as possiable.. i REALLY NEED some support.. i was on here a few weeks ago on day 2 and i fell again... i have cut all my sources and tomorrow will be day 1 for me.. the problem is i have done this so many times i feel like i can't get past this.. i have 2 little babies under 3 so i have to go through w/d and take care of them.. they are my life and i have a wonderful supporting husband but we both battle the same addiction. we are what you would call functioning addicts i guess he has a great managment position at has always worked/provided for us.. we have a big faith filled life with God #1 (or should i say did) tho i know he hasn't gone anywhere after being on these straight pretty much for a year as everyone knows your whole body is numbed i don't feel God.. i haven't been in the Bible like i used to i have really lost all my motivation in life period and i am SO SICK of this life.. we both want it more than anything but i KNOW these days are going to be rough.. i have never had so much fear and i am letting it win:( i know what the clean life is like we got clean and was clean for about 3 years and it was the best ever.. i know that the good life is on the other side but i am dreading and fearing this w/d soooo bad which is why we keep putting it off.. my husband is pretty strong willed and he will push through and help me even if he dont feel good along w working but i also am w my kids 24/7 and i am pretty scared of this.. i don't want to bore anyone i know this is a wonderful site people helping people get clean and i think it is great!! i KNOW God will never let us go but with as numb as i have become i can't feel a thing.. my patience level is like 0 and my kids don't deserve to have a cranky mommy and honestly i can't stand myself..just some info of what i was on was oxy/vicodin whatever i had.. we have been buying most of it (and i feel horriably awful for that because i know how much money we have wasted that we could have bought things or taken the kids places i have a lot of guilt) don't get my wrong our kids have everything they need as far as their needs but they don't have their parent's 100% like they deserve.. i have been taken anywhere from 10-20 vics a day even oxy's and that is when i knew this has gone WAY toooo far... i hate my life the way it is and both of us know we have to do this and we want to but i am def gonna be coming here for support i need as much as i can get.. i have been through this a few times and i know that i can never go back to this again nor will i... we are going to go back to celebrate recovery again at our church (which we stopped going to church too and we have never allowed that to happen we havent been in months) you all know how it is everything falls apart.. i just really need any help/support i can get i read this site all the time and get great strength in seeing others doing it! i have all the vitamins etc i know i have to push the water which i do anyway it is pretty much all i drink and the baths.. i get restless legs really bad and that is one thing i can't stand and nothing seems to work for it.. i know the drill i just have to gather up this strength and i am so worried cause i don't want my kids to suffer and they need me 100% for all their needs.. thank you all in advance i am doing this and not looking back but unfortunately it does not take this stupid fear away that the enemy has me under...
I am so sorry your little one is so sick! That is terrible. I don't like going out either when I am going through this I feel like everyone knows and I get the worst anxiety lol. The last time I went thru this I stayed in the house all the time and this time I have decided to push myself to go out. My second day though I drove to three different parks just so I could find one where no one was. Lol too funny. I just don't like to talk to anyone in person I feel like I am brain dead. :( the first and second days are always rougher for me too and the third and fourth I just feel like I have a very heavy body and can't move and am so weak and tired from not eating. You are doing great! I am so happy you were both able to stop together! Also it is so great that you are supporting each other it really does help. You both will make it! Please don't be upset that you are not getting many replies I think maybe it is just slow lately. I have not gotten many at all either. When I was on here on my last withdrawal it was like this too but that's ok. Just keep posting and maybe start a new post since you are going on day three right? Just remember how much you have to look forward to and stay strong. Let everyone know how you are doing tomorrow ok?
thanks mommy for all your support,... i have not been able to be on the computer much my son is sooo sick:( we had to take him to the dr boy was that a chore.. anxiety sooooo bad and i had to go in public:( it gave my husband and i some really good time to talk in the car tho and we came home and prayed on our knees and feel pretty good.. i mean i def have the physical symptoms.. i can feel the RLS coming on it's getting about that time the dreaded night time lol.. he is napping now as he works over nights and i keep seeing his legs bounce:( i felt really scared and like i could not do it earlier that is why i am so thankful for my husband he has kicked it up a notch and reminded me not only what we have to look forward to but what God can do.. i feel a lot better.. i sure hope i get some sleep tonight my little man is pretty sick and i have a 1 yr old daughter too so i don't get to sit at a computer whenever i want or take a bath whenever i need to or take a nap whenever i can get one.. i have to take care of babies night and day.. and that is what i was scared about but i think i am already seeing clearer i was looking at them tonight and they look so different.. my son started feeling better after the tylenol so we played a little it was hard for me but i forced it.. they just look and act so much different.. i can't wait to be myself again.. ugh!! and yes we have so much to look forward too!! we are even considering making a BIG move and moving to another state idk..only time will tell what we do.. anyway how are you feeling? i still feel so jealous that you have more time than me lol j/k i am very proud that you have stuck it out!! i have done this before but for some reason i don't remember all so well the detox but i will this time lol.. anyway everyone keeps saying how bad day 3 and 4 is.. that is NOT giving me anything to look forward to just giving me more anxiety and fear i like to think everyday done is another day closer to feeling better not worse (until you get over the hump) i don't really remember day 3 and 4 being worse i remember the first 48 hrs being bad!! but you should be right around there so maybe you can help me out w that? i know everyone is different,,no matter what i am doing it so i guess i really should not care what is ahead lol.. anyway hope you get some rest tonight!! so happy to be doing this and i am very thankful you have come on here to help me out.. like i said i have REALLY bad luck or something w these cause i read all these threads and there are TONS of people that post and the few times i have posted like i said i get 1 or 2 idk maybe i am boring or have done this already so i should pretty much know what to expect..either way know i am truly grateful for you and your posts!!
Yeah! Great job! So proud of you for getting past the 24 hours! I am so sorry your lil one is sick that is very hard. I hope he gets to feeling better soon. You really sound great and I am very happy about that! I was worried about you yesterday, I am so glad you posted again. :) you are doing this! That is great that you are going to move away I want so badly to do that but I have to wait at least a year. Boo... that is so exciting that you and hubby are making plans to have another baby! That is really something to look forward too. Well I better go and try to make myself do something.
wow.. thanks so much for your support.. we sound almost identical in our situations.. i did this pregnant with BOTH my kids..we r going to have 1 more when we get our crap together and i will have a 100% CLEAN pregnancy w the next one.. (another thing for me to look forward too) i know exactly what it is like doing this and being pregnant.. both my kids have suffered from my addiction.. (they were born ok but i did go thru some crap when i was pregnant) my husband has sun and mon off.. we are day 2 into our detox.. we CAN'T go back or wait.. and we can't get clean at seperate times we have thought and talked about it and it is a great idea but it just don't work neither one can stand to watch other one suffer so we do it together:) i am so glad to see i have met 2 people so far that both were addicted to the same drug and making it work because they told us it could never happen however we stayed clean for 3 yrs and still would be if we would not have moved here last year and met the people we did.. we LOVED our clean life and are dying to get it back.. but it is a HARD process both of us are weak when it comes to w/d which is totally out of character for my husband he is norm so strong and every time we detoxed before he just made his mind up and that was it.. he was my rock (aside from God first) but this time he seems soooo weak and i don't get it.. i think a lot of it is he really does deal w A LOT of pain but has never been one to complain he is only about 6 weeks out of shouler surgery and they didn't even fix it:( anyway thanks again for your support.. i look forward to going through this journey with a few people who know what it is like. i feel so alone:( we have NO support.. i know i write A LOT and i think it turns people away lol they don't like reading long borning posts cause as i said the few times i posted i only had 1 or 2 respond that is why i kind of faded off and just read.. i really appreciate the support and encouragment it helps a ton and i am going to keep writing even if to myself lol or a couple people.. sometimes a good couple people are better than a over load of people!! so you are on methadone? they wanted me to do that pregnant too and said w/d was not good for baby but i did it anyway baby was fine.. (not condoning anything you do i do know it is not good for baby) but i could NOT get hooked on anything else and i knew about methadone w/d.. i just fought the good fight and prayed the baby would be ok..anyway i gotta tend to my sick son he doesnt feel good and is mad i am at the computer he is only 2:( i am kind of glad they are so young cause they don't know like your 5 yr old would know something is wrong but i feel it is so hard cause they are so dependent on you.. i barely can take care of myself right now.. thanks agian and hope to hear more from you:) i think talking on here really helps pass time and helps w w/d some!! i wish i had someone to take my babies for a week so we can get better it would be so much easier!!
hi mommy!!! so sry i was unable to log on here the rest of day yesterday the internet guy came to upgrade and i had to shut everything down and was not able to log back in:( i could read but not post.. i finally found my info so i could log back in.. (norm i just leave it logged in and minimized at bottom of screen) yesterday was not too bad it got worse at night but i think i had so much in my system it help me over some.. i pee'd A LOT... i am drinking lots of water.. not much of a appetite.. slept about 4 hrs last night due to the dreaded RLS:( my son woke up sick and crying ugh now i have a sick little man too.. all i know is i am on day 2 and i FINALLY made it past the first 24 hrs.. i think.. i haven't really counted the hrs lol.. i am just trying to make time go by as fast as possiable so before i know it a week will be gone..i know i can do this and i AM doing this!! i can already start to feel all mushy with my feelings/crying and THAT i missed.. i am so excited to see what it is like to see again and what my husband is like and my kiddos it has been a year pretty much of this rat race.. really facing some hard times w money issues since we were minly buying them.. i counted what we spent in 2 days (our last 2 days) 30.00 each day for a measly 30 vics.. (with our tolerance as high as it is it did nothing) but we STILL spent the last 60.00 we had to get 1 dose each that didn't do anything i wanted to puke and i think that was the final straw.. we can't do this anymore and i don't want to,.. i just want to get past the first week i know somany say getting clean is easy its staying clean but for us it is the opposite we r going to go back to celebrate recovery and keep our guard up cause even after 3 yrs clean we feel very easy and our life was going GREAT we never even wanted pills till we moved so we are going to move away we live in a small community and the people we hand out with still want to hang out and we CAN'T and they know this but they still call we just don't answer.. but it makes it VERY hard.. we have been wanting to move for a while we need a fresh start new phone #'s etc.. anyway this am was rough till i got my vitamins and a cup of coffee in me.. now i am feeling ok it is later in the day when it gets bad.. i get too bored sitting around and not feeling like doing anything yet knowing i need to stay busy.. anyway enough about me.. WOW u are almost 3 days in good for you!! keep it going girl you got this.. i wish i was there but i know i will be soon.. how are you holding up? i have so much respect and proud of everyone who is fighting this fight it is a hard one but thank God we know what the other side is like and it is soooo much better:) we have great things to look forward too.. thanks for checking on me it really means a lot!! i need some people to connect with and cheer me on and i love cheeering them on because it helps us all.. you got this!! so happy for you:)
I have a 5yrs old little boy an i am 23weeks an 3 days pregnant with my little girl. An my husband an i are functioning opiate addicts as well an he has been roughly 6wks an i am 7wks clean today an i would like to offer my suppirt an a open ear if you wanna talk. My suggestion would be start detox on a weekend were your husband can watch the kids like Friday Saturday an Sunday dtox so by Monday it wont be so bad on you then stick with god as support as well as this community an the following weekend have your husband dtox if he is getting clean with you thats how we did it i also have counselors an 2 meetings a week i attend plus i am curently in the methadone clinic because of being pregnant i had to ask my dr. About dtoxing for 3 days straight an he said not to for the baby's sake which i did do in the end but at the hospital under watch then was put on a low dose of methadone. But thats also an option if they have clinics near you. Stay strong an let God back in an your kids will help keep you on the right path as well.
I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Oh the cravings... they are terrible they never went away for me I think that is why I kept relapsing. My husband has no cravings and he never did when he decided to quit that was it now he works out everyday and is better than when he was taking them. You have got this girl! You sound really good! The last time I quit ariley said fake it till you make it and it is so true. Just push thru! I think that maybe it is just a little slow I am sure you are going to get some more support. :) be proud of yourself today you are doing a great job and you will make it ok? What are your symptoms so far? Oh yeah and I am going on 50 hours how about you?
thanks so much mommy!! you def have to be strong to do this.. i am doing ok.. the hrs go by so slow of coarse.. we are in a heat advisory so we can't do anything outdoors.. i got up this am and while still feeling ok did some cleaning.. kids will lay down in a hr or so for a nap and i will prob read my book.. still don't have too many physical symptoms except for peeing like crazy lol.. and having some BAD cravings.. but i sat down and wrote a page on what the pills are taking from me and another page on what to look forward to so i keep going back to that!! glad your husband stood up it is so hard when you both have the same addiciton:( your daughter will be so happy to see her real mom too!! i know my kiddos will too it is the best we can give them sober parents!! i am so thankful mine are still so young:) but i am not willing to miss anymore of their life w out being clear headed!! i am sure i will be posting a lot.. i really need some support.. i think my long post tend to drive people away lol i see so many on here that have a ton of people and the 2nd time posting for me and i get a select very few that post once or twice:( hoping to get more support i know i need it!! but thank you so much for posting and helping me along it means more than you know:) and i am cheering you on too!! how many days or hrs do you have clean?
You are amazing and I am so glad you cut your sources! My husband is the same way with me he doesn't like to see me hurt but he said this is it I love you and no more! I know we can do this it is difficult but soon enough we will be back to who we are meant to be. I want to show my daughter who her mom is she has never seen me sober :( you are a very strong woman and I know you can do this! Let everyone know how you are doing ok?
thanks everyone that offered their support.. mommy i feel for you with 3 kids ugh i am worried to death w 2 and they are at that age where u r right you have to do what they want i keep telling myself i will push thru it no matter what but i have tried it a few times and barely get past 24 hrs HOWEVER i made sure this time i can't trip up because like i said we cut our sources we have no way to get it if we wanted and i think both my husband and i are to the point that we KNOW this has to be done and NOW heck i would feel scared to even bring it up to him and normally he is a total enabler always has been for me because he wants me to be ok i know it sounds silly because we are not ok like this but he will do anything for me in any circumstance but then he falls too:( pretty craz that your husband was on them too and quit.. they say addicts can't be together but i don't believe that we lived over 3 yrs of clean life after getting clean before we just let our guard down and moved and met some people that were on them and could get them and sold them:( and my husband had a surgery which is what started the whole thing rolling again..poopieskoopie.. you had some great advice too thank you.. i have never heard of that stuff on the internet but will look it up.. i do have clonazapam i have been on for a while taking 1 pill at night i am going to have to get off them eventually too but i need to put this first..i like how you put w the analogy of cancer and that is true.. i know i can do this and it IS time to fight it again.. for the last time this time.. my kids are my world and they deserve a real mommy i can't remember how long if any we we 100% clean it was just a few months i know since they were born my son will be 3 in dec and daughter 2 in jan.. i want to get back to that real life you know where you actually feel your feelings.. i don't even remember what real life w my husband is like:( MeegWpaw.. thanks for you support!! your right it is the fear and like i said i have NEVER had so much fear in doing this and i have done it before.. and i know the fear is worse.. i think it is because in the last couple months i have tried and said no more so many times and every time i don't even make it 24 hrs.. not a option this time.. so here we go.. i woke up this am and felt pretty good.. no w/d yet but that does not surprise me because i took 19 vics yesterday so it will be later in the day before it kicks in i am sure.. i have been on a appetite and energy supplement that is natural and out of this world for about a year and i am counting on them to help a little too because they are great in so many ways.. and yes poopie you are right about re connnecting.. it is the HARDEST thing you can do i know and i am facing that too. even tho i KNOW their is NO judgement with them they are ALL addicts at celebrate recovery and don't judge.. it has been sooo long since we went i don't know where to begin i have lost touch w them all.. all we can do is start going again it is on tues nights.. so next week i will be through the worse of the w/d by then.. i have NO ONE to help me w the kids or take the kids the only few people i talk to anymore work.. i can't tell my family because we have been down this road and it almost killed them we got into some legal trouble (before we had kids) did some jail time etc and my mom and i didn't even talk for a few years.. we are just now somewhat forming a reltaionship we have covered it well because she doesn't know we have been using for a yr.. anyway.. i am sure i will be posting a lot.. i am going to be reading my Bible a lot, praying a lot, and writing/listening to music as much as my kids will allow lol.. i want my relationship back with God #1 before anything else because i know that is where everything starts/ends and everything else will fall into place and i know he didn't go anywhere just took side seat while i was being stupid.. i hate this addiction i have wished so many things upon myself over this,. when i got addicted to this crap i didn't know nothing about it i was going to nursing school and doing quite well i ended up dropping out and my whole life fell apart.. i had had surgery and the dr kept me on norco 10/325 for about 9 mo i was so nieve and had never had a addiction so glad these dr's play such a huge roll in this but want nothing to do with it.. tho i do belive everything happens for a reason so i dont regret where my life has gone i have learned so much and done so much that i would not have if not for this addiction i just want to beat it and be clean!!! (sry for such long post) i won't be posting this long just trying to get some stuff out there.. i need as much support as possiable i see all these people who have formed relationships and have all this support and i just think to myself i REALLY need that.. i hope i can find it here!! thanks again and i will be praying for everyone going through the same thing that is what i like we are all going through the same thing in some form and i am cheering you all on!!! WE ALL can do this!! the more i see people get off this crap the more it excites me on the inside because that is more people that have broke the devil's chain!!
ready just want to lend my support, you can do this! sounds like a big issue for you is the fear ... its really true that the fear itself is worse than actually doing the wds and quitting the pills. the rewards for you will be immediate even if the physical is hard because you have your babies, you mention this many times, and I know they will be a great source of inspiration and comfort for you! you are well armed with remedies and you have us for support here. trust yourself, you are strong and it is possible to do this!
Give yourself some credit...you had a good 3 year run and now it's time to fight it again. This is no different than someone who has cancer, takes treatment, goes into remission, and 3 years later it's back....nothing more than time to fight again. Now would be a great time to reach out to the people you connected with through your church and ask for their help. Asking for help is the hardest part but isn't that what Christianity is all about?? I'm almost positive you will find some of the help you need there, perhaps someone to help with the kids and be an encouragement for you. All you have to get through physically is a week of being uncomfortable. I know you can do this cause I've done it more times than I can count. A mild benzo will help but you can do it without them. The only reason I suggest this is to help a little with sleep. A few tramadols or lyricas will take away the restless legs. You can even get kratom powder from the internet really cheap and brew some mild tea to help out as well but only order a small amount and no more. I would begin by getting in touch with someone to help with the children and go from there. Keep posting so we'll know where you're at.
I definitely know how you feel! I have three kids and going thru withdrawals and having them here is so difficult. You want to just lay down but u can't you have to do everything they want you too. My husband is also supportive he quit taking pills 4 months ago and now he is doing so great! Do you have anyone to help u with the kids for a couple days? You can do this :)
Im sorry I do not know how i did it but I posted on the wrong thread sorry and disregard this please Very sorry
I just want to add my support. You can get your life back together and it won't take that long. I know that I could never work on anything until I got off of the opiate. They numb your feelings. I also drank tons and I mean tons of strawberry and grape crush when I was taking opiate. I haven't touched one since I touched my last dose. If you don't like your life on sub then I bet you would like your life when you get off of it. Hang in there friend .
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