Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

is this a relapse?

Okay so I had to sign up for this site to ask this. Its really messing with me.. I have 4 months clean yesterday. I'm prescribed gabapentin for breathing problems for anxiety. Yesterday like an idiot I took more than I'm supposed to out of boredom thinking I'll get a little high. I didn't get high but just felt a little weird and slept well. Now today its really messing with me. I feel like such an idiot wishing I didn't do it. I'm so proud of my days and don't want to give it up. This is my first time getting clean and I was doing so well.... I also live at a sober living and if I tell anyone what I did I'm worried I will get kicked out.. Is this a relapse?
5 Responses
1445648 tn?1470319663
don't be so hard on yourself that was just a small bump as addicts we are not perfect just think next time and make better choices .. best wishes
So would you consider that small bump a relapse? Do I need to start over my clean date?
Avatar universal
I do consider that a relapse. You did it to get high. It happens because our brains just scream sometimes!  I don't think you want to do that again, right?
What's different, though, is that gabapentin is not an opiate. That's good. What were you addicted to?
It takes work to prevent a relapse. Are you involved in a group there where you all talk and share feelings and ideas? Do you attend AA?
Keep posting and congrats on your clean time!
Thanks. So I need to start my clean date over huh? I was addicted to heroin before. I don't want to do it again but I feel so ****** about it I feel like if I'm gonna count it as a relapse I might as well relapse harder... I've been doing outpatient rehab so we talk about our **** there but tomorrow is my last day.. I also attend NA but I'm worried that if I get a newcomer chip someone will talk and I'll get kicked out of my sober living. But I also know how dangerous lying is because I'll keep feeling ****** about it

You're still clean of your DOC. You didn't take an opiate and you could have if you tried. That's in your favor.  Can a person really get high on gabapentin?
I think having a roof over your head is important and you've done well at the sober living house so don't jeopardize it.
I'm glad you're going to AA. Get some dialogue going on relapse prevention to hear what other people do.  Boredom is a huge trigger so keep busy!
I'm really not certain if this was a true relapse or not, even though I said it was at first. I'm giving it some more thought now and thinking many of us have thought about wanting to take something, especially in the early days of recovery and you didn't seek out an opiate. I hope others will chime in with their thoughts as this is a fine line. Either way, I think you've learned a lesson about how crappy it feels and not something you want to do. What other triggers do you deal with? Any?
4522800 tn?1470325834
Hello & Welcome to our Substance Abuse Community.

We have a lot of ppl in this community and some just started this journey and others have many, many yrs in. Most of the advice we share on here is the same, but we also have our own opinions. This questions is a Yes & No one for me. The thing that makes it a "Yes" is the way you went about it. You said you had Boredom and wanted to get "High"..What if there were other drugs around your house?? Or your drug of choice? Would you have taken some??  The "No" for me is that you made a mistake or had a small moment of triggers, but you did not get high or keep on doing it. And that you did not go around looking for some. SO Yes & No, but I would not go on a quilt trip and think about it. Put those boots on and tie up those laces and go forward. These Boots are made for walking, however we need to walk with others along the way. There are many reasons why ppl will fall down and hurt themselves. One is being Lonely, Bored, Stress, Drama, or Life in it's self. This is "WHY" we need others to Support us. If you would of had a sponsor or a clean friend and called them, then you might of not done this at that moment..This is why we tell ppl to always "Keep there Guard Up at all times".  Life will always have some curve balls, that are thrown at us, so we need to be ready with all of the Support we can get.

It is not so much about your Clean Time but more about your Recovery!!!

It is up to you and only you if you feel it was a relapse & many ppl will say yes. I might not say yes or take my time back..but others will not feel the same. It is all up to you and how YOU feel about it..However??? Are you getting any outside Support? Going to any meetings like AA/NA or Celebrate Recovery?? Do you have clean friends or a addiction counselor or even a pastor??  I would think you would if you are living at a Sober Living Housing. YOU are in a Safe place right now. What will happen when YOU are free to move on? Tons of Changes have to happen. Staying away from your old playmates and playground is a important issues here. Setting up Boundaries around our New World is a Must!!! I am not sure if you will get kicked out for sharing this mistake. Maybe they will give you another chance. It all starts in the Mind!!!  Addiction is a serious Disease and like all disease we need Help & Support. Learn all you can about Addiction in a more Scientific way. I am going on 4yrs and have used off & on for most of my life, until the later 90s when I got really hooked for many, many yrs. It is a Progressive Disease for sure. I had to start out with the Meetings and Church and I still go). I studied all I could in a more Scientific way and now know what happens to the Brain Chemistry. That had sort of scared me straight too. Giving it to my God has been the Biggest Gift of all, besides my Hub & some Family members I still have left on this earth. SO..Just pick yourself back up and move forward..NO looking back. Make sure YOU set yourself up with Support all around you. Every single day is a New day. Just for Today or this Hour I will NOT use! It takes Work and only You can do the Foot Work.
I wish you the best!!
Avatar universal
The thing is I had just gotten through 2 weeks of huge triggers. I got in a relationship with a girl at my rehab and she relapsed. I was so close to using but I didn't and felt so proud. And then she got back into detox Friday night and everything was going fine and I did it out of fkn boredom like an idiot. My sponsor said it was a relapse because regardless of if I got high I wanted to and tried to by taking more than prescribed amount of my pills..... I feel horrible having to restart my clean date. This is my first time in recovery and at 3 months I was sure I was gonna get this the first time. So many people around me were relapsing and I some how was staying clean... I felt so proud and then threw it away for nothing
Yes- It happens in a heartbeat but usually it's been building for awhile. I relapsed after 5 months clean by taking just one pill that I didn't really need. I felt horrible but restarted my time to Day 1. I never did it again and that happened 6 years ago.
You'll get this; it's obvious you want it. Also, as far as your GF goes, that's not a good situation. You're in it now but it's not a good idea to begin a relationship during early recovery; especially with another addict.
Chin up! Just move forward and don't dwell on this. You can still be proud of your clean time. No one can take that away from you.
Avatar universal
Hi......well any time your trying to get high and take something to try and get you high is a relapse .....try not to beat yourself up over it   it is what it is but you havent lost the war as long as your willing to keep fighting....time to bump up the meetings...N/a has a chapter in it blue text on relapse  take the time to read it  work on putting together a support system   get phone numbers wile you at the meetings and reach out b/4 you screw up.....the only way to do this wrong is to try to do it alone.....recovery is a ''we'' thing not a ''I'' thing so keep posting for support where all here to help
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