Aa
its time
history: smoking weed since i was a teenager I'm 36 now and its been everyday for 10 years every night n all day when i'm not working, smoking cigs regularly now for 2 years 1/2 pack a day, siffing H for 2-3 mounths, bout 1-2 bags a day.
about 2 years ago my wife was diagnose with MS n it has hit me hard, fighting from lack of sex, us both going though stress from her work (no compassion from her employer) our finnases going in the toilet. all the while raising teenagers. I had an anxiety attach, my doctor put me on sertraline 50mg a day that helped alot but we also then started hanging with some serious pot heads to try to relax n keep our mind off our everyday problems.
worked but a year n a half later it has gotten very old.... my doc incresed the sertraline to 50mg twice a day becuase i started getting these "head flashes" feels like a rush of blood to my head like when you are startled.
It helped for a sort time. all my home projects just about stoped, I do just enough to get by at work. Until...... H !
After the first sniff it all went away no more head flashes I could give a f if i have sex or not. I was able to work my *** off n make some good $$$. but along came with sneaking money to pay for it..... sleepless nights, argers to binge n then crashing..... now I missed days of work from crashing, I need more just to feel "normal" I asked myself wtf did i get myself into.
recently i got bronchitis bad, went to see the doc got some antibiotics n got better in days but with in week it came back.... more antibiotics....stopped smoking cigs n weed n thinking sniffing this home made junk can't be clean. so I stopped.... 3 days of shakes sweats.. n so on. Knowing I was on about 2 bags a day I figured I would now slow it down cause CT *****. so then i went to 1 bag a day for 3 days then under a half bag a day until 1 bag lasted me 4 days. but then it felt like that bronchitis came back full force so bad I ended up in the ER cause i couldnt breath. to find out now I have Asthma n going though an exacerbation.... That was yesterday... I'm now home from work
No cigs for 5 days no weed for 6 days n no H for almost 1 day.... yesterday took a small nummy to sleep.
I had the sweats n shakes n muscle cramps at night n now during the day but not as bad....
I'm home bound because i cant beath in this horrible weather n now im kicking H......
I have made up my mind I'm done with all these toxins that trick u into feeling all is good and it's NOT.
I'm i on the right track, any advice welcomed
Thanks for reading....
about 2 years ago my wife was diagnose with MS n it has hit me hard, fighting from lack of sex, us both going though stress from her work (no compassion from her employer) our finnases going in the toilet. all the while raising teenagers. I had an anxiety attach, my doctor put me on sertraline 50mg a day that helped alot but we also then started hanging with some serious pot heads to try to relax n keep our mind off our everyday problems.
worked but a year n a half later it has gotten very old.... my doc incresed the sertraline to 50mg twice a day becuase i started getting these "head flashes" feels like a rush of blood to my head like when you are startled.
It helped for a sort time. all my home projects just about stoped, I do just enough to get by at work. Until...... H !
After the first sniff it all went away no more head flashes I could give a f if i have sex or not. I was able to work my *** off n make some good $$$. but along came with sneaking money to pay for it..... sleepless nights, argers to binge n then crashing..... now I missed days of work from crashing, I need more just to feel "normal" I asked myself wtf did i get myself into.
recently i got bronchitis bad, went to see the doc got some antibiotics n got better in days but with in week it came back.... more antibiotics....stopped smoking cigs n weed n thinking sniffing this home made junk can't be clean. so I stopped.... 3 days of shakes sweats.. n so on. Knowing I was on about 2 bags a day I figured I would now slow it down cause CT *****. so then i went to 1 bag a day for 3 days then under a half bag a day until 1 bag lasted me 4 days. but then it felt like that bronchitis came back full force so bad I ended up in the ER cause i couldnt breath. to find out now I have Asthma n going though an exacerbation.... That was yesterday... I'm now home from work
No cigs for 5 days no weed for 6 days n no H for almost 1 day.... yesterday took a small nummy to sleep.
I had the sweats n shakes n muscle cramps at night n now during the day but not as bad....
I'm home bound because i cant beath in this horrible weather n now im kicking H......
I have made up my mind I'm done with all these toxins that trick u into feeling all is good and it's NOT.
I'm i on the right track, any advice welcomed
Thanks for reading....
im back.....
I read what i wrote and it takes me back..... i was such a fool to think... "I got this under control "
well about a week after that post i relapsed and hit the H harder then i ever had..... I ran so far away from everything in my mind.... I needed help.
I couldn't do it on my own....bout a month later I managed to kick for good with the help of an addiction doctor.... He saved my life. I consider myself to be very very strong willed and I needed help and you know what... it was like it was always there waiting for me... Clean now for a year now.... but I cant say " I feel great !" but i can say.... what i feel is real n Im done running away.... go ahead knock me down... I WILL get back up and look at you right back in your eyes. I here and im not going anywhere.
well... I kicked the H for good. Everyday Im tested...
Work Wife kids friends in-laws n even my elderly parents stack the pressure on me.... most have no idea how self destructive they are and what it does to the "strong" ones.. me... but im there leader, i suck it up n guide them.... me... the leader....lol never thought it was going to me.. the youngest of 4 brothers.... "the baby of the family" "the dumb kid"
this past summer was the hardest i ever had it and Im still right in the middle of problems... I see so clearly now that H is not the answer... it only multiplies the problems and leaves you incapable to handle life's problems.
another update: My friend also kicked... about 10 months later with my help... we talked a lot and i hooked him up some of my meds... suboxone... btw Suboxone with verbal support saved me and I extended that to my friend n it saved him... H is a drug takes your life hostage.... the ransom is high and really you cant pay for it by yourself its ok to look for help.
Im not gonna say everything is all good cause its not but now I can say
I'm here, all of me and I'm here for my friends n family and I can give all of me and help with confidence that i am guiding them in the right direction..
well my world needs me bye bye
I read what i wrote and it takes me back..... i was such a fool to think... "I got this under control "
well about a week after that post i relapsed and hit the H harder then i ever had..... I ran so far away from everything in my mind.... I needed help.
I couldn't do it on my own....bout a month later I managed to kick for good with the help of an addiction doctor.... He saved my life. I consider myself to be very very strong willed and I needed help and you know what... it was like it was always there waiting for me... Clean now for a year now.... but I cant say " I feel great !" but i can say.... what i feel is real n Im done running away.... go ahead knock me down... I WILL get back up and look at you right back in your eyes. I here and im not going anywhere.
well... I kicked the H for good. Everyday Im tested...
Work Wife kids friends in-laws n even my elderly parents stack the pressure on me.... most have no idea how self destructive they are and what it does to the "strong" ones.. me... but im there leader, i suck it up n guide them.... me... the leader....lol never thought it was going to me.. the youngest of 4 brothers.... "the baby of the family" "the dumb kid"
this past summer was the hardest i ever had it and Im still right in the middle of problems... I see so clearly now that H is not the answer... it only multiplies the problems and leaves you incapable to handle life's problems.
another update: My friend also kicked... about 10 months later with my help... we talked a lot and i hooked him up some of my meds... suboxone... btw Suboxone with verbal support saved me and I extended that to my friend n it saved him... H is a drug takes your life hostage.... the ransom is high and really you cant pay for it by yourself its ok to look for help.
Im not gonna say everything is all good cause its not but now I can say
I'm here, all of me and I'm here for my friends n family and I can give all of me and help with confidence that i am guiding them in the right direction..
well my world needs me bye bye
Cool! I think it is great that you got rid of it. The money that it is worth is not worth your life.
I was on it for 3 months too at one time and that 3 months turned into 20 years. Trust me hun, you don't want that. That crap became my best friend and my lover--it was all I wanted and all I cared about. I DO NOT want to see you go there.
It sounds like you and your wife have a pretty good relationship. With the MS she is going to need you to be there--hell, even without it she will need you there.
It is time to put all that stuff down and get on with things. right? I am glad you found your way here and hope you stick around. Saturday is the slowest day so lucky you--you have me!! LOL
Stick around and talk ok? You will make friends here of people that you may never meet but will never forget.
I was on it for 3 months too at one time and that 3 months turned into 20 years. Trust me hun, you don't want that. That crap became my best friend and my lover--it was all I wanted and all I cared about. I DO NOT want to see you go there.
It sounds like you and your wife have a pretty good relationship. With the MS she is going to need you to be there--hell, even without it she will need you there.
It is time to put all that stuff down and get on with things. right? I am glad you found your way here and hope you stick around. Saturday is the slowest day so lucky you--you have me!! LOL
Stick around and talk ok? You will make friends here of people that you may never meet but will never forget.
oh btw,
earlier I went outside n layed pool side in the hot sun....
felt like the sun was pulling the junk out of me
beathing good now also seems cutting out cigs n the sh*t going up my nose n asthma meds r working
tryin to stay busy so outside i go
earlier I went outside n layed pool side in the hot sun....
felt like the sun was pulling the junk out of me
beathing good now also seems cutting out cigs n the sh*t going up my nose n asthma meds r working
tryin to stay busy so outside i go
dont know what question I was asking either, letting it out feels good.
well this H really kicked my *** I'm feeling better now, dunno if it makes a differance but I was on it for <3 mounths... the feeling of not being on H n still feeling good is still familar to me n I've been focusing on that n I'm getting there.
one truth about still having it around is it is worth $$ I haven't even looked at it... since that nummy... going on 2 days. But thinking about your responce makes me think its not worth the $$ to keep it around I'll tell my wife to get rid of asap...
I dont think I'll be seeing my friend that does H anymore, we talk on the phone but most of the time we hung out it was to pick up... so that's easy to end. Friendship would be via phone/txt for awhile...unless he clean, if im open with him n tell him im done he will respect that.
Smokin weed.... what can i say... i know i have to keep that under control. I was once there and very happy me,my wife n kids... this is something im going to work on with my wife as she also smokes weed...but i could never ask her to completely stop because it helps her so much with some of symtoms of having MS.
I'm done with cigs n im encourging my wife to do the same.... ***** but I the sh*t was killing me...
she said its gone..... wow that feels good ! man this H has taking me for a ride I jumped off n it hurts but i'm never getting back on...
thanks so very much
i'll check back later
well this H really kicked my *** I'm feeling better now, dunno if it makes a differance but I was on it for <3 mounths... the feeling of not being on H n still feeling good is still familar to me n I've been focusing on that n I'm getting there.
one truth about still having it around is it is worth $$ I haven't even looked at it... since that nummy... going on 2 days. But thinking about your responce makes me think its not worth the $$ to keep it around I'll tell my wife to get rid of asap...
I dont think I'll be seeing my friend that does H anymore, we talk on the phone but most of the time we hung out it was to pick up... so that's easy to end. Friendship would be via phone/txt for awhile...unless he clean, if im open with him n tell him im done he will respect that.
Smokin weed.... what can i say... i know i have to keep that under control. I was once there and very happy me,my wife n kids... this is something im going to work on with my wife as she also smokes weed...but i could never ask her to completely stop because it helps her so much with some of symtoms of having MS.
I'm done with cigs n im encourging my wife to do the same.... ***** but I the sh*t was killing me...
she said its gone..... wow that feels good ! man this H has taking me for a ride I jumped off n it hurts but i'm never getting back on...
thanks so very much
i'll check back later
WOW!
If you want to drug free, get rid of the drugs. You say you will never use H again but you keep some in the house. You don't have anything to prove and why put yourself through this. It is insanity. Get the drugs out of the house and get it over with. Besides, you will continue doing the nummy thing if it is there.
As far as the weed, what can I say. I don't think it is a good idea right now so I will just mention that you be careful with it. Not to mention that you were recently diagnosed with Asthma, right? Smoking weed is not helping and you are putting yourself at risk for another hospital visit.I am not familiar with that sleeping pill but something otc would probably work better. The idea here is to learn not to do pills or get off of pills. When we get clean we need to address our behaviors and make changes. Just putting down the drug is not enough.
I really, really suggest that you not put on a cape and go saving the world right now. I am by no means trying to be rude at all but you don't know how to get and stay clean yourself, how do you expect to help your friends? Why don't you concentrate on you right now. Whether you care to believe it or not you are very vulnerable right now and if you continue to hang around people who are using, you will most likely use before they get clean.
Again, I am not trying to be rude but you don't sound very serious right now about getting and staying clean. You seem to have it all figured out and you are going to do it your way. More power to you if you can stay clean by sheer will power. For me, I had to take a long hard look at myself and change my thinking and my behaviors. I try to work on that every day. Sometimes I fall short but I do try and I am a better person today. Had I done it on will power alone and not sought out help, I would just be a miserable & nasty person who doesn't do drugs.
I don't know what you were asking when you posted here yesterday. Was there something you would like the members here to help you with? If so, ask away. Or, if you just wanted a place to talk that is cool too. Best of luck and I hope you get through this.
If you want to drug free, get rid of the drugs. You say you will never use H again but you keep some in the house. You don't have anything to prove and why put yourself through this. It is insanity. Get the drugs out of the house and get it over with. Besides, you will continue doing the nummy thing if it is there.
As far as the weed, what can I say. I don't think it is a good idea right now so I will just mention that you be careful with it. Not to mention that you were recently diagnosed with Asthma, right? Smoking weed is not helping and you are putting yourself at risk for another hospital visit.I am not familiar with that sleeping pill but something otc would probably work better. The idea here is to learn not to do pills or get off of pills. When we get clean we need to address our behaviors and make changes. Just putting down the drug is not enough.
I really, really suggest that you not put on a cape and go saving the world right now. I am by no means trying to be rude at all but you don't know how to get and stay clean yourself, how do you expect to help your friends? Why don't you concentrate on you right now. Whether you care to believe it or not you are very vulnerable right now and if you continue to hang around people who are using, you will most likely use before they get clean.
Again, I am not trying to be rude but you don't sound very serious right now about getting and staying clean. You seem to have it all figured out and you are going to do it your way. More power to you if you can stay clean by sheer will power. For me, I had to take a long hard look at myself and change my thinking and my behaviors. I try to work on that every day. Sometimes I fall short but I do try and I am a better person today. Had I done it on will power alone and not sought out help, I would just be a miserable & nasty person who doesn't do drugs.
I don't know what you were asking when you posted here yesterday. Was there something you would like the members here to help you with? If so, ask away. Or, if you just wanted a place to talk that is cool too. Best of luck and I hope you get through this.
thanks for the coments, i came back on hoping so......
well first a nummy is taking about a half line rubbing it in your mouth..
It's just been a little over one day since i put any H in my body..
hardly slept last night... kicking, squarming, sweating, shaking.... now I feel tried and anxious....
Is there anyway to speed this up?
I did smoke a liitle weed, good stuff so I didnt need much to take abit of the edge off....
also took a sleeping pill last night 10mg zolpidem but it didnt seem to do anything.
now you ask what im going to do to stay clean?..... well will power n support seems to be the only way... I still have some H left I could easily go take some but I know I wont. infact i think if i didnt have here it would be harder, for me atleast. I plan on desposing of it soon enough.
the person i got it from is a friend n after a week I'm gonna try to give him hope to kick also but he's been on oxy's n H for over 2 years now.
My wife n I already had long discusion about our friends n our habits... I told her we should try to invite them out to a movie, the zoo..... to help them also brake this habit... they are good people n im not just going to cut them off.
My wife has been at my side this whole time.... funny alot of the symptoms i have from kicking she can get any day from having MS.... makes me understand her feelings much more... hopfully looks like some good will come from all this....
sex? haven't gave it much thought lately just wanna feel myself agian.....
well first a nummy is taking about a half line rubbing it in your mouth..
It's just been a little over one day since i put any H in my body..
hardly slept last night... kicking, squarming, sweating, shaking.... now I feel tried and anxious....
Is there anyway to speed this up?
I did smoke a liitle weed, good stuff so I didnt need much to take abit of the edge off....
also took a sleeping pill last night 10mg zolpidem but it didnt seem to do anything.
now you ask what im going to do to stay clean?..... well will power n support seems to be the only way... I still have some H left I could easily go take some but I know I wont. infact i think if i didnt have here it would be harder, for me atleast. I plan on desposing of it soon enough.
the person i got it from is a friend n after a week I'm gonna try to give him hope to kick also but he's been on oxy's n H for over 2 years now.
My wife n I already had long discusion about our friends n our habits... I told her we should try to invite them out to a movie, the zoo..... to help them also brake this habit... they are good people n im not just going to cut them off.
My wife has been at my side this whole time.... funny alot of the symptoms i have from kicking she can get any day from having MS.... makes me understand her feelings much more... hopfully looks like some good will come from all this....
sex? haven't gave it much thought lately just wanna feel myself agian.....
Hi!
I would like to help but I have to be honest and tell you that I am having a hard time following your "slang". I am old you know and it has been a long time since I hung on the streets so bear with me. First, I am not quite sure what a "nummy" is so I don't know what you took. I have all sorts of images in my head but I would rather you explain it.
It's too bad that it took something like asthma to get you to stop, but I am glad you did. Also, kudos on weaning off of Heroin. You are the only person I have talked to EVER that has done that. I detoxed from it more times than I care to count but I was never able to wean.
So, you have it all behind you. Now what? How are you going to deal with the daily stress without getting high? How about the lack of sex which seems to be a real problem for you? What about the friends who smoke? I guess what I am asking is, what is your plan to stay clean?
Hope you come back and chat. There is a lot of good support here.
I would like to help but I have to be honest and tell you that I am having a hard time following your "slang". I am old you know and it has been a long time since I hung on the streets so bear with me. First, I am not quite sure what a "nummy" is so I don't know what you took. I have all sorts of images in my head but I would rather you explain it.
It's too bad that it took something like asthma to get you to stop, but I am glad you did. Also, kudos on weaning off of Heroin. You are the only person I have talked to EVER that has done that. I detoxed from it more times than I care to count but I was never able to wean.
So, you have it all behind you. Now what? How are you going to deal with the daily stress without getting high? How about the lack of sex which seems to be a real problem for you? What about the friends who smoke? I guess what I am asking is, what is your plan to stay clean?
Hope you come back and chat. There is a lot of good support here.
Hey and welcome,
Wow you sure know how to really do the self torture thing right. I hope your weening off the H will help with the wd but it's probably going to get a little worse before it gets better. My only advice is to stay busy and keep your mind occupied. In the throes of wd your mind can drive you nuts. Distraction will eat up those minutes on the clock until you start feeling well again.
You can also try the Thomas recipe found at the bottom right of this page. You could also try a NA mtg or speak to another professional about this.
I wish I had the magic potion for you to make it better but even if I knew one, I probably would have already taken it myself :)
Hang in there and keep writing, it does wonders for your sanity and always helps to talk to people who have been there before.
Goodluck,
bob
Wow you sure know how to really do the self torture thing right. I hope your weening off the H will help with the wd but it's probably going to get a little worse before it gets better. My only advice is to stay busy and keep your mind occupied. In the throes of wd your mind can drive you nuts. Distraction will eat up those minutes on the clock until you start feeling well again.
You can also try the Thomas recipe found at the bottom right of this page. You could also try a NA mtg or speak to another professional about this.
I wish I had the magic potion for you to make it better but even if I knew one, I probably would have already taken it myself :)
Hang in there and keep writing, it does wonders for your sanity and always helps to talk to people who have been there before.
Goodluck,
bob
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
