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Avatar universal

longest ive ever made it

my last shot of H was yesterday at 9 am.
went thru hell withdrawals all night then started suboxone
tommorow mornung will be 48 hours with no h or oxy
im shaking and feel like i got hit by a truck. i dont think the subs are workung very well. i talked to few people i know who are on it and they cant xplain it
i hate these damn drugs
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Doing it your way got you here in the first place and what you are doing now is deadly.  Please reach out for some help with this while you have a chance~
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I couldn't agree more with ImDone.

You're no stranger to this process, and as we've all told you before, if you DON'T make big changes, you WILL indeed succumb to the addiction.  It's not an "if", but a "when".  Like ImDone said, mixing those substances is a disaster waiting to happen.  W/ds are terrible, sure, but the answer isn't taking more habit forming medications and alcohol.  You're just self medicating.  Not to mention, mixing those things is a death wish.

You WANT sobriety and have wanted it, but you simply refuse to make the necessary changes.  You cannot afford to miss work, you can't do this, won't do that.  At some point, your addiction is going to cause you to miss everything anyway, because you're either going to be dead, or in the ICU fighting for your life.  That's not meant to scare you, it's just the God's honest truth.

While I normally would encourage people to give it a go without the Subs, you're actually a pretty good candidate for it, you've had countless relapses, and each time, you've ramped your use up to a more and more life threatening place.  You're the kind of person who may benefit from lifelong sub maintenance (or even methadone, but I would recommend sub first).  

If you want to use Sub as part of your recovery plan, then do it right, with a doctor, being compliant with your dose, and taking part in the program wholeheartedly.  ANYTHING else is just more self medicating.  You've tried it "your way", and that hasn't worked.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results.  Time to stop the insanity hon.

As always, I wish you the best, but fear the worst.  We all want to see you succeed.  I think we may even want it more than you on some days, and that has to change.  You've been stuck on this merry go round SO long, and each time you yo-yo back to the drugs, you're putting a loaded gun to your head.  Truly.  You're in my prayers.  You can do this.....isn't it time to say "enough is enough"?  "Stop the madness?"  Blessings to you.
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
Beyond, what you're doing is incredibly dangerous.  If you're mixing Xanax, Ambien and vodka, you may not wake up at all.  Please try to find another way.  You've been struggling for so long and it's obvious how much you want to quit but I don't understand why you're refusing to listen to the advice you've been given for some time now.  I'm begging you - please PLEASE seek some professional help.  Your way hasn't been working.

Are you seeing a Dr. for the subs?
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yeah, I'm not sure your going about this the right way. Definatly treating your w/d like an addict would. Of which I do not mean that in a negative way...I am an addict. Trying to fix one drug problem w/ another. I agree w/ the people above, avoid the subs as they will only prolong the w/d. Be VERY careful w/ those subs as they can catch u just as quickly as all other drugs. R u getting the subs from a trained (correctly, that is) physician?
Helpful - 0
7604172 tn?1445632194
One more thing I wanted to note. Your mind can be your enemy when it wanders in every direction. Whenever I am trying to accomplish something really hard, and yes even detoxing, I use a little trick that I was taught when giving birth. I thought the nurse was insane when she told me to find a focal point in the room and just concentrate on it. It's sort of like a form of meditation helping you pull through that moment in time.

This is not as serious as detoxing, but challenging nonetheless and helps develop your ability to focus. When I run 10 miles, I find a focal point and I just keep my mind on it the entire time. This is if I am on a treadmill ofc. It gives somehow allows me to be just in that moment, not wishing it was over, not looking back at how far I've come, but getting through it.

If I am outdoors, I repeat some mantra to myself.. usually something really cheesy like "I am good enough... I am strong enough" and I swear it helps me get through it. Sometimes I will visualize what I want to be like as well.

When it comes to my commitment to being clean, I am focused on something different, but always a positive result of my pushing forward. I keep that in mind all the time. It may seem silly, but I am thinking of the positive and not the lack of the drug. What you see is what you set basically.

Everyone that comes on here is in a different stage of the process of either addiction or recovery. At one point, I didn't see that anything would work for me but my DOC. I thought group therapy, NA, and counseling was so bogus.

As addicts we don't want to hear that like exercise, supplements, acupuncture, or positive thinking will work. We think people are so freaking crazy, but from one addict to another, I will tell you they do work, but you have to be open to the idea that there is something better and more long lasting to relieve your pain, bc what you are doing and what we've all done infact, only leads to much more pain.

Take this on with vigor and determination. Beat it by any means necessary and then you have a shot at something real and good in life.

You can do this! I wish you the best and keep us posted
Helpful - 0
7604172 tn?1445632194
I think you should first and foremost change your thinking to "I am NOT beyond screwed.. I can do this, and there is a better life for me" It won't be easy getting there, but if you're going to do it, you have to start believing it's possible. I'm no
expert, but I do think at least that much is true.

I hate the drugs too, and I think it's good for you to have a plan of being off in a week. I would say set that goal, stick to it as if it's the most important thing you will ever do, because right now it is. I get that you can't afford to not work, and normally I would tell people to run away from maintenance, ask time off work to get through it, reach out to support, but I get that you may not have those luxuries atm.

If you go in, go in with resolve and a firm goal in mind. Stick to it at all costs. The long term quality of your life depends much more on you getting clean that any other thing on your plate atm. You can get a new job, but continuing down the path your on is most certainly going to be disastrous. If you don't die, you will eventually have to come clean and the pain will be even worse once you have lost so much more.

You can do this, you just have to put things into perspective, and yes you will have to rise to the biggest challenge of your life, but the rewards will be immense. You can do it... I am rooting for you. Keep us posted
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're letting your own thinking fix your own thinking. I've been in recovery for a few 24 hours and I've never seen that work out yet for anyone, especially myself! I couldn't but WE could in my case.  

Getting complete freedom from opiates is the most important thing in your life right now. Without that freedom you have no life, including that job. You got some good sound advice above. The sub plan doesn't sound right to me either.  I'm not a sub expert but I'm sure there are more recovering addicts on here who are experienced and will come along soon to help you out in making some good decisions also. Loosen that grip on the steering wheel and turn this detoxing over for some help! You really need to enlist help in forming a good solid detoxing plan to follow. You don't need to be in misery. And let's face it, yr going to have the "flu" for a while when you detox and you should get some time set aside somehow to get through all of this BS. This is major. It's your life that you're getting back. You're fighting for your life and you got to come first! I've seen you suffer enough over that last couple of months. Your time is NOW!  I want to see you be the very next miracle on here.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i cant afford to not work
i only plan to tske subs for a week
i feel ok now just havnt slept for 72 hours. i took 2mg xanax and 10 mg ambien plus a pint of vodka last night and all i felt was eithdrawals. didnt sleep a eink. called of sick to work so i have the whole weekend. priblem is i got my kid this weekend. i have a few 150mg trazadones im gonna try tonight
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You may have started the sub too early. You need to have all the dugs out of your system first or it will make you sicker. Why don't you just ride it out? No sub. Just detox. 5 days and you will be feeling decent.  

Think about it. Do you want to take sub forever? If you devide to stop later you will go thru withdrawals then. Hunker down and ride this out. Go to AA or NA meetings. Get it out of your life once and for all!!! Good luck no matter what.
Helpful - 0
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495284 tn?1333894042
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