is that a legitimate question or a statement in the form of a question?
I have a wife if 17 years. She is not an addict, but understands my condition and supports my decision to taper.
Why do I sense I put-down coming?
sorry not getting the CP thing. Yes, I have three bulging disks in my lower spine which press to varying degrees on my spinal cord. I can go from morphine-level agony to enteric aspirin-level pain. The last couple of months have been good to me and I can actually handle the discomfort with 1000mg enteric aspirin 3 times a day. Compared to most of the CP's I know, I'm relatively pain free, which makes cleaning up my opiate addiction that much more do-able.
I talked to someone at UCLA and all they'll do is put me in a double-blind study where I have a fifty percent chance of getting a sugar pill. Forget it. I want real treatment, not experiments.
While bup looks like it will get here sometime this year, I'm tired of waiting, asking, begging, getting hung up on, and therefore have designed a 13-day taper program for my combo Darvon/Xanax habit which I honestly think I can do. Than I will be AA material. I'm looking forward to going to some meetings, but not while I'm full of drugs. I've also lost contact with the people I knew and have to establish some new relationships and regular meetings. And, yes, I will include some NA meetings as well. I'm sure there are some wonderful NA meetings and I hope to find some of them.
You see, I'm in the rather lucky position of having severance pay from the job I blew (see other posts, etc), and my new job doesn't start, potentially, until the 1st of the month. This gives me a 2 week therapeutic window with all the bills paid, free time from wakeup to bedtime, plus I happen to live in beautiful hill country overlooking the Pacific ocean way down here in South Orange County - perfect for walking and hiking.
Like the "coward" said [he won't give himself a handle - go figure] I have the knowledge and the opportunity to begin my detox and recovery while free of the usual 9 to 5 obligations most of us are always dealing with. I'm so good at dispensing the advice -- now let's see if I can take my own direction and really clean up my act. This is, quite literally, the moment of truth for me, and I have only to put up or shut up. I promised "coward" I wouldn't post anymore on this forum until I had chose and followed through on a treatment option. So that's exactly what I'm doing: Tomorrow, I refill exactly the amount of Darvon and Xanax I need for the 13-day taper, no more, no less. It's now or never. I'm excited, yet there is a tom hunching down in a dark corner of my mind scared to death. But I'm going to do it anyway.
I will keep the forum informed, no bullshit -- if I revert to a higher dosage than my taper schedule calls for, I'll "fess up" and you can all fall upon me like a pack of wolves. Whatever it takes.
Wish me luck. Go with god, Patrice, I'm a long-time student of all the world's religions and so don't have one particular frame of reference or another, but they all have wisdom to give and strength to draw from.
Take care.
tom
great way to start my program by not bothering to proof my own message.
Hi Tom
What I meant by CP was chronic pain. That is a big reason for all my relapses, vicodin triggers me to use heroin. I thought you have chronic pain too, maybe I was wrong, but I dont think so, corrct me if I am wrong ok? As for the bup treatment, hon, I know for sure they are doing it in Santa Cruz My friend Scott just did it, and Southern Ca. I think you call UCLA, and of course Clovis. I would just feel better if you did it medically, bup isnt even been approved for opiate addiction yet. PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!!! Keep me posted ok? I care
Your sister in recovery
Patrice
Hey girlfriend
I am glad you asked for the increase. Just remeber methadone doesnt get you loaded, or at least it doesnt get me loaded. You are supposed to feel normal, thats what its all about. Take it one day at a tie, and ask if you need to go up. In fact when the weather gets hot, and we sweat a lot we sometimes need a higher dose, dont be ashamed!!!!!! DO what is right for you. This is your LIFE.
Love Ya
Patrice