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Avatar universal

me again

i joined a couple months ago thinking i would stop this. well i got back into my old habits. now this is what i don't get, how can i be addicted taking one maybe one and a half a day. and sometimes not everyday. sometimes i will go 2 days without. what is the problem?
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Avatar universal
well today wasnt a bad day. i dont get on here much lately. i guess working and going to meetings keeps me busy.
i was on my way home today and was thinking, if i had been on pills i would be leaving work when i got off and headed somewhere to get pills. that sometimes would take a couple of hours. i am so glad i dont go searching for them anymore. i know it is just one day at a time but i do worry about the future. i dont want to go back to them.

what makes a person relapse?
Helpful - 0
1416133 tn?1351123217
I had a lot of weird dreams too.  It was always about me getting pills, or counting pills.  But every time I got to the point of taking one, I would wake up.
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1331115 tn?1536362140
Congrats on 15 days and Yes drugs are cruel to people and God willtake care of the poor girl from the meeting. As far as the dreams they are normal I had many bizzare drug dreams when I was detoxing this to will pass. Great going and keep it up we are all proud of ya. God Bless---Rick
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Avatar universal
today is day 13 or 14, i forget. not too bad. went to work. if i was still on pills i would not be able to do this job. i am so glad to be clean today.

oh wait. i just looked at the calendar. it is day15. i feel really good today. except it is snowing and freezing here. i had to go into turtle mode on the way home from my meeting.

oh and listen at this. there was a new girl at the meeting today. i started crying listening to her story. she was in rehab and got kicked out for using. she lost her kids and has nowhere to go. i felt so bad for her. she is homeless. she said she was hungry and thirsty.  i think she has pretty much hit bottom. i hope she learns from this and pulls herself up. i wanted so bad to offer her a place to sleep tonight but i live with my daughter and could not do that. i really hope she will be ok.
drugs are cruel. they do mean things to people.
i do not want any part of them anymore.

i did have a wierd dream last night about me trying to find drugs. and then another that i found some and just kept sitting there thinking about taking them. dont remember much about the dream but that was weird.
maybe that is part of recovery.

anyhoo all in all it has been a good day thanks to being clean and sober.
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Avatar universal
first day on the floor. not bad.
note to self....get some better shoes.
i have new tennis shoes and they killed my feet today. oh well.
i asked if i could have tomorrow off to spend time with my brother. so that is good. the only thing is i will probably miss a meeting tonight. he will be here in about an hour. it makes me nervous to miss a meeting. i have gone everyday since i quit.

today is another day clean. feels pretty good. i dont want to go back to taking pills. i would never get thru this job if i did. i cant and wont live my life that way anymore.

eye, i dont think i will need a pill if i get a second job. i really dont want them anymore.
i hope you do ok on your month anniversary coming up. i have had those thoughts a time or two already about, hmm maybe just one. but i will always have to remember the consequences.
i hate to miss a meeting tonight. maybe i will see what my brother has in mind for tonight and if nothing i can always run there and back. it is only an hour long. it takes about 20 minutes to get there. i don't know we'll see.
i will check back in a few. gotta let my doggie out.
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
I'm very happy that your first day went well. I was on pins and needles all day wondering how it was going for you. Pleased that I won't need to come and straighten anyone out.lol..

And since you're hitting that 2 week mark tomorrow it's especially good to hear that your brother (and best friend) will spending a few days with you to help get you started on week 3 with some good healthy distractions. Very nice.

My wife and I went to dinner with a group of friends last night and got home kinda late so I didn't write back last night but I did check in with my phone several times until I finally saw your post. It made the rest of the evening more enjoyable.

Your post was on my mind as I was falling asleep and I kept coming back to your thoughts on getting a second job. I know you've got to settle your finances but I couldn't help wonder if it may be too soon. I don't want to see you fall into the trap of thinking you need the extra edge of energy and confidence we think we get from pain killers to manage that kind of schedule. Though I know you're intelligent enough to of thought of that already so I guess I'm just a worry wart.

It's day 29 for me and starting tomorrow I enter the danger zone where I get a month or so clean and then start the "one time won't hurt" cycle. I have to be extra alert until I can get to the other side of 40 days.

But for today....we're not gonna use right? I'll catch you later and congratulations on accomplishing so much these past two weeks. Have a good day at work.

Bob,
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