Are you currently buying Xanax? Just wanted to make sure I read that right. If so, that is just trading one addiction for another. Please be careful. Our addicted brains want that next high. And Xanax withdrawl can be fatal.
memory loss, ya, I had that. Google "brain scans of addicts". Drug use, heck any kind of addiction causes brain damage. If it hasn't gotten to far, the brain will heal, but that's for a doctor to say for sure. I would hope it is not permanent, I know I used to forget things all the time when I was using, but it got better. it took a good year, but it did.
Talk to your doctor about non narcotic anxiety meds. They are out there, and I'm sure you can find a solution. Do you go to any type of counseling or groups for PTSD? Exercise, the worlds best anti depressant, helped me a lot.
When I can .. It hasn't necessarily become a "problem" yet I've spoke to my doctor about it all and she keeps telling me its normal and I can't quite wrap my head around how an event that happen 10 years ago is still such a problem in my life and why is it that every med I take either makes my PTSD and dreams worse or does nothing at all .. I've tried counseling but I can't sit through a session without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack unless of course I was high at the time and I obviously don't and won't do that anymore . I don't want to get hooked on xanex but sometimes I feel like with a benzo I can feel again . idk its probably the addict in me talking and if that's the case how will I ever know if its the addict or if I've finally found something that works ? I'm at a cross road .
I honestly feel as if my brain is deleting memory's because I'm not suppressing my PTSD with pain killers anymore ..
When I quit methadone, I had memories older than the amount of time you been alive. I mean, I had forgotten a great deal, but at 120 days clean, much of it all came back to me like an avalanche. As for memory loss, I had that too, but that was different from suppression or ignoring of experiences. I could be diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, BPD, Addict, and many more, but I am bipolar1. I had all but forgotten about bipolar on opiates. I mean, I knew it was there, but I was not in touch with my emotions enough for it to get real intense. I can see the consequences now, but I would cycle all the time, not even aware of myself. I'm lucky not to be in prison or dead. When I'd get manic and out of opiates, I have gotten xanax quite a few times, but it was never my drug of choice, just better than pure methadone withdrawal.
I think the xanax is affecting your memory too, on top of quitting opiates. I have blacked out on xanax, like I was drunk and walking around, but I don't remember any of it. I OD's on xanax once, still don't remember that much, just my wife giving me CPR as I waited to die. Anyway, no matter how much the benzo from the street might feel like it helps, I can tell you that in the end, it will be a worse nightmare than opiates. Benzos are the only drug I have seen people detox that was worse than my more or less 200mgs of methadone cold turkey. Be extremely careful and maybe try a different counselor, if the ones you've seen don't keep your attention. I don't think xanax will make your problems go away. Keep us posted, but most of all, try not to take anymore mind alter chemicals, it only gets worse with time.
Really sorry for your struggles hon. Great advice above.
I just wanted to say as an ex-Xanax addict; for 13yrs., you are playing with fire.
I, like you have been traumatized at a very young age (5).....long story.
I have all the same labels as my buddy Weaver above here except I am bi-polar 2...
To my point ....it started exactly like your sitch. Doctor put me on them though. He might have said the words addictive but back then (30)yrs ago...didn't mean much to me.
You have no idea how fast this drug pulls you in and locks on...then it starts to not work, ...you have to take more and more. I was one of those odd ones that the Xanax had an amphetamine sort of effect. I could just go and go ...it was my life line. I loved it. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how much I was taking at the end there. Ok I'm rambling.
I'm sure you know how the typical story goes....started doctor jumping as I couldn't get what I needed to just feel level ..... I had severe SEVERE free floating panic disorder ....luckily when I got caught, cuz you always do, they didn't press charges, but I had no way of getting anymore ....I had to cold turkey it alone...I had 3 small kids...I had no idea you could seize out and die...it was the worse living hell I have ever or could ever imagine ...it lasted a year before I could be sure of the difference betwen my reality and dreamish state. Very scary...I was very lucky.
Absolutely Xanax can screw with your memory. You're so young, please forget the crossroads...just talk to a professional about all this...you do need help with this.
Much respect and prayers of hope and strength for all your life. Peace.
I think the big part of what's going on with your memories,balance,the tremors and your fuzzy vision is due to taking an extremely strong addictive benzo. You'll never really know how you feel until your body and mind are clear of all the drugs.