memory

[susanlea]

Ok guys I need your help on this one! Most of you now of my ex's addiction to oxy's and now on uncontrolled amounts of methadone. My question is, can these pain killers affect your memory? He thinks he's been giving me over $3500 a month for the past 2 years. Number 1 he wasn't living with me 2 years ago. Number 2 he doesn't make that much, plus has child support of over $1200 a month. I figured out the average he gave me while living here was around $600 a month, plus when he was off work for 3 months because of his addiction, I paid his bills and child support, plus the house, car insurance and everything else. He says we were only together 2 years, we were together almost 6 years! He swears he's given me presents he never gave me.  I really don't know what to make of all this, he's telling me again, his addiction had nothing to do with our problems, that it was all my fault. Gosh, this is getting weirder all the time, he called me the other night asking me to get somethings for him to wire some intakes at his parents house. He already has all this stuff, he moved it to his parents house 6 months ago. I asked him if he wanted to talk to me, he said he had to think about it. He'll  call, but not talk, nothing specific. Came by the other day, said he wanted to see the dog, and just hung around. Am I the one losing it here!? Or have all the drugs over the past 25 years affected the way he thinks? Thanks guys, I really don't understand where he's coming from.....Love Susan

[jennyfla]

Well, i still love candles.  I guess anything is ok within reason.  As long as things aren't 'overdone', it's ok in small doses.  Can say that for many things in life.
Enjoy!
Lv Jenny

[Kerrie]

Hi. Just thought I'd check in right quick and see how everyone is. I love the saying J.B. I hope I can remember it when it's fitting to use. But like Angelica said, memory aint what it use to be. My daughter-in-law burns candles all over our house. I saw a special segment on them too. But since they've only been living here for about 3 weeks, I recon I can't blame my memory lapse for the last few years on them. But it's worth a try !
   I went to see the stomach specialist today. But I won't be seeing this man again. He said them mass in my stomach could be a tumor. Could be benign,mlignant,fatty tumor,or just something pressing on my stomach. but he said he'd do a scope sometime in July. No hurry.It's no emergency. Do you think he would say that if it was in his stomach? So I told my doctor I would go to a vet before I saw him again. So I go for another test Thursday and see the vet on Friday. Just kidding. The vet was booked solid untill August. Can't depend on anyone these days ! I see an interness on  Friday.
   Anyway, Keep up the good work friends. Glad I have you all to talk to. Thanks. Hang in there ladies. Didn't that saying J.B. wrote hit it on the head? I liked that. God bless you all.
      Kerrie

[Angelica]

....Good to hear from you.  Don't these doctors have a way of making you feel like they are doing you a favor, and you've just interrupted their day??  
Anyway.....Don't take any chances.  This is your life,here.  The only defense we have against cancer, is early detection.  A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine (only 31yrs old), had a cough and pain in her back.  The doctors kept treating her(this went on for 4 months) for Bronchitis, and a pulled muscle.  Well, She had lung cancer, and by the time they discovered it, doctors gave her 6 months to live, and she died FIVE months later.  I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom, here, but don't take any chances.  Take care of yourself.  BE AGGRESSIVE, WOMAN! LOL TELL THEM HOW IT'S GONNA BE! LOL
LOVE,
ANGELICA

[Angelica]

....Right back at cha!  Now ya got me all teary eyed. LOL  I've never heard such sweet things said on my behalf.  A true friend you are, indeed!
As they say: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."...and what a great mind you have.  I am so glad that you'll stay away from the SSRI's.  If anything, you've acquired much experience from these drugs, and that will prove to be invaluable to you, and everyone here.  
I do feel as though we've been through a great deal together, and I can definately say that your in a better place now.  I am sure you'll look back soon, and say; look at the progress i've made...and where I once was in my life.  I can recall your nightly memoirs, filled w/ frustration and much determination.  I truly see good things for you in the days and months ahead.  Take care, my friend....and keep in touch.
Love,
Angelica (:

[susanlea]

Thank you Thomas for your caring, concern and friendship.  I guess I'm doing ok. A little summer cold's got me down. I've really been doing some soul searching the last couple of days. Sunday my 11 year old son and I were going to the grocery store. He started crying in the car, I asked what's wrong. He said it was father's day and he missed my ex.  My son and my ex were not getting along the last year and my son was glad when he left. He see's his real father. But expressed the fact he missed my ex because he want's a full time father. I realize I can't make another mistake. I need to get my life straight so I can give my kids permanetcy. If I went back with him, it would just be the same thing. Not good for my kids, they deserve someone who will be there for them, always. I see my kids just miss the familier, maybe that's what I've been missing, the routine. I saw my therapist on Monday, he feels my ex is slowly making his way back in. He feels he wants to keep one foot in the door, otherwise he would get all his stuff and disconnect. Not call or come by every couple of weeks.  I don't see it, but my friends are saying the same thing too. That my ex will never apologize, but is trying to get me to ask him back. I've always made it easy for him. I've always forgave him.  I can't this time. It's not in me to be mean, and I won't, but I will not call him. My therapist said that the methadone is just as bad as the oxy's. That without a program, or rehad, he will not be able to wean himself off,it he gets refills of 30 every couple of weeks. That if he runs out early, he will have some withdrawals until his refill.  That methadone will control him, and he will be just the same, just able to hold off getting sick, but be able to work. He told me methadone makes some addicts tired and that his natural endorphines will not come back till he's totally clean. My ex doesnt' seem to want any relationships. Just to go home and sleep. I hope he finds someone to care for, before he dies. He seems so wrapped up in himself these days. I'm doing my best not to obsess and go on with my life.  It's ok as long as I don't see or hear from him. I just hope I met someone someday who will be loving and kind to me and my children. I think about the verball and mental abuse I put up with for so long. In the name of love. I feel even if he got clean, his personality will remain the same at this point. He is like a stone statue, no emotion or feelings. No wonder he's never had any long term relationships. I look back over the years, and now I believe he had addictions all along, I just never knew it. I know that the addiction to oxy's wasn't the first. He's been doing some drug, recreationally all along for the past 20 years. I think of how he looks and realize he's stuck in his teen years, the long hair and heavy metal look of the 80's. He's 38 and I've never met another man who looks like him at that age. Something must have happened to him at that stage, he does not want to face it and grow up. He's not close to his kids, and one will be 18 soon. I believe he will die a very lonely old man, at a very early age. Thanks for you  support Thomas......Love  Susan

[Thomas]

Nothing in particular to say ... just want you to know I'm here should you need someone to talk to. You have people who care about you,lea, and want to see you get and stay free from you know who. Stay strong. You are a good woman and deserve the freedom to find your own true destiny, not waste your life and resources cleaning up someone else's self-inflicted mess. Stay free, lea. You are important to me and it would break my heart to see you taken advantage of anymore than you already have been. Be yourself -- be beautiful and caring but for the right people and for the right reasons. You're so close to really getting free, don't fall back into those familiar patterns, even if they feel "right" in an odd way. Remember, I will always keep an eye out for your posts and a place in my heart for you, as I have done all along. Live, lea, just live and experience life without that human anvil chained around your neck. He will sink or swim by his own weight. Let it be so. Don't try to play god. Show us all how beautful you can be on your own. Read Ayn Rand's essay "The Virtue of Selfishness" (she wrote the novels "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged") -- a wonderfully original mind and a fascinating woman. Take care, dear one,

Thomas