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597547 tn?1251036764

methadone

not looking to be lectured, told how stupid of a decision im making, etc.  id like to hear from those whove been on it.  i have no problem with thinking about being on it for the rest of my life.

currently on sub.  i feel empty and hollow.  

it has helped me alot.  full time job and school.  

i been through alot, me and my girlfriend of 5 years were supposed to have a baby - she was still born (my GF never used drugs and hated that i did).  i had planned on asking her to marry me after we had the baby.

but after that all happened, we were fighting and depressed and ended up splitting up, we had dated for over 5 years, since i was a in high school

after all of that, started using got out of control - ended up on sub.

now, i just feel empty and hollow, no emotions. have totally isolated, im depressed.

i know im not ready to be off of medication assistance and from my battle i dont think i ever will be

i've been depressed n constantly thinking about gtn high.  i just want to feel good.

i am going to switch over to the methadone clinic.

anyone in here at the clinic

30 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi Holliee,
PLS DONT JUDGE ME PPL IF U HAVE DECIDED TO READ MY MESSAGE TO HOLLIEE I AM STRESSED OUT ENOUGH AND DID NOT WRITE TO HER SO PPL COULD JUDGE ME, THIS WAS NOT PLANNED AND I AM TRYING TO DO THE MATURE THING IN SUCH A HARD AND UNCERTIAN SITUATION, SO HELLO MISS HOLLIE, I am on methadone n just found out I am expecting so naturally im freaking out and so scared! Everything I read says the baby will more then likely have serious health issues, mental delays, sids, or be still born or die after birth and tht has sent me into a panic and left me feeling like im some kind of killer, im so confused and need to know wht the hell is the truth and considering your on this program and not the suboxen program I want your advice!!!!
I have been on this program for almost 3 years, my family doctor had put me on these pills called oxycotton and it was a very high dose to start I was on 80 mls and I got 500 per month for the constant pain in my back and for dental pain I had keep in mind I had no clue what he was giving me and considering I had an addicition issue before I had any children in my early 20s I trusted in him to not give me anything addictive because he was fully aware of the past issues with addictions, I was first on these pills called tec's which I had no clue what they were either and he called me in a few years later and said they were eating my insides so he wanted to switch me so I waited for 2 months before I agreed to switch ( the fear of the unknown is alot for me to handle)  and I was on the oxy 80 mls for 4 years then realized tht my body was dependant on these and went straight to the doctors and I had asked him why I was so sick if I didnt take these green pills and at tht point he said this medication is highly addictive at this same appointment I asked to be put on the meth program cuz ive heard about it from my friends husband, he was not willing to help me so I went and got the info. and went to this clinic myself and explained the situation to them they were shocked considering I was on such A HUGE amount and was such A SMALL person    ( 5'1 and 90 pounds) they asked me if i had taken the medication tht morning i said yes ( I wont lie I was to scared of dying) they asked how much i told them as it stands right now I am at 18 pills so clearly they could see how I was def. in need of help getting off them, now its almost 3 years later I was at 45 5 weeks ago but felt really crappy in the middle of the night so he put me up 5 mls and now I am at 50 mil's. I found out im expecting I have been drinking only half of my drink now since I found this surprising news and I only found out this wed tht just past. I am asking you will this hurt the baby and what the hell will happen to my baby if I have it while im still on the meth program? also wondering if I can switch to this suboxan program while pregnant?  
thank you holliee
sincerly kerri-lea
Helpful - 0
563594 tn?1309583132
hello sunshine! Good to see you're still around! Hugs!
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Avatar universal
Hey - good to see you on.  How are you doing these days??
Helpful - 0
597547 tn?1251036764
everyone
thank you for comments, sorry it took so long.

forever i didn't have a computer, i jus got it back!!! thank god.

i have a few PMs i'll be getting back to
Helpful - 0
1157951 tn?1262515975
Please don't go solely on advice of other patients/users; make an informed decision by speaking to counselors, doctors, and most of all- do what feels right to you. Not the easy road; doing what's right always takes work. Don't let other people make what is a very specific and personalized choice for you. Best of luck, you can do this if you believe and I'm there with you,
Ex-oxy, opiate pill, benzo and heroin user; current methadone patient, 3 months in, 60mil, tapering to switch to sub so I can taper to drug-free(dom).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'll briefly add my two cents to this fascinating but ultimately very sad conversation. I was on methadone for three years back in the early 90's. I thought I was doing great on it. I left only because I began to chafe under the control that clinic exercised over my life. My daughter surprised me recently by informing me that, out of all these years doing drugs and raising kids, those three years were the worst. She said it was embarrassing for her that I thought I was fine but everyone around me was shocked that I never seemed completely awake and that she said nothing when I was on oxy and fentanyl and heroin because she was afraid of me ever going back on methadone. I just cried; I had no idea!  Looking back I now realize that my decision to go on methadone back then was the fundamental turning point leading to my addiction being something that would be so present for my entire life. So, while I'm in no position to be second guessing anyone's decisions concerning how they deal with their own addictions it just makes me incredibly sad to see young people getting on methadone. I wish you luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow.....glad 2 hear that you have gotten on methadone! Its funny how negative some people in the USA seem 2 be about it! Since you mentioned the pro methadone sites to me I have started to realize just how anti methadone so many people are.....truely fanatical! ........I was not really given many other choices. It was either keep doing pills (which would be very hard as i lacked the $ and at the time was also supplying friends.), quit cold turkey (which a was and still am terrified of), or go on methadone. As previously mentioned I am fortunate to live a 15 min drive from a drs office where 2 of the drs prescribe methadone. This may be why it is so comparatively easy for me. Having realized how lucky i am to be able to get a prescription so easily, and to be able to get methadone for free (when many in the USA must pay), I have re thought my initial post on this forum (see: methadone forever?), and realize that i should really be counting my blessings. on the few occasions since when i have done pills it has been in most cases a total dissapointment/waste of $, so i am finally able to move on from the pills. I just hope that I can remember that resolve in a few mo when my friend is released from jail and will be calling me to help him out! As you have no doubt realized by now the rumors that methadone will get you high are just that : rumors. At a theraputic dose methadone is simply "finding normal"..... Just wish I could hear the audio track on that awesome video! All the best to you and hope that your experience with methadone continues to be a good one!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have a good attitude going, dude........keep with it!
Helpful - 0
597547 tn?1251036764
ive been on methadone now for 5 days.  

it's early - but i feel good.  i have stayed on a low dose, it usually starts wearing off after about 15 hours.

but, i still feel a million times better than when I was on Sub.

I feel happy, I have energy (until it wears off), and I have been interested for the first time in actually recovering.  

Ive been to three classes so far at my Clinic and I am learning alot and receiving great support.  The Methadone Clinic is WAY more recovery oriented than was my suboxone doctor.  I'd see my Suboxone doctor less than five minutes.  He was a POS
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
I think for some people sub can bring on depression then others say it relives it so everybody reacts differently.I would think about this long and hard and discuss with your sub doctor what antidepressant (if safe ) can be taken on sub .They are both very powerful drugs. I am not quite sure if switching over to methadone is going in the direction of going off of drugs or just going deeper into long term addiction.Research all avenues before you make a decision .We are here to help.
Helpful - 0
222369 tn?1274474635
I'm just wondering if you've sufficiently explored all the options as far as Sub usage? As for your methadone plan, I'm not here to judge...that decision is for you and a competent physician. However, I never saw you mention your Suboxone dosage? Maybe I've missed it in this long post. Some of the symptoms you describe are due to high dosages for lengths of time. Are you on any sort of antidepressant? Being on an antidepressant can cause these symptoms....and, they can be alleviated WITH an antidepressant if you're not taking one (weird huh?). Can you give us your Sub usage history?
Helpful - 0
597547 tn?1251036764
casey
i wish we could just pick it up from the pharmacy and not have to fool with the clinic.  thanks for the comment i got your msg

lashamummy
thanks alot for your response.  i feel bad people telling them i am making them cry, ha i am sorry not my intent.  but i really do appreciate it.  sorry im just now getting back i dont have internet at the apartment.

kiylen
thanks, i just got it
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1063524 tn?1258732204
I sent you a private message...
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Avatar universal
Your post made me cry. I don't know why. I know the hollow, the pain. My brother is dead from OD and I just got clean from oxy w a 2 year old and a 5 year old. God, my life seems perfect. I'm almost happy and that's good enough for me.
Whatever decision you make is right and no one will judge. I will re-read the posts tonight and give you a better answer (I am no stranger to addiction and pharmacology, maybe I can help, even a little). Right now my kids are yanking at my pants and they need me now. I've been abused, robbed, humiliated, been down all those roads, won't lecture anyone.
You just touched me for some reason. Maybe being off the oxy (the wd was brutal) is making me feel things again. Anyway, you're not alone. even at 3 am, someone is on this site - you are not alone.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am interestd to read all the responses you are getting re methadone....maybe it is differenr in the states. I live in canada, and while I ncannot claim to know how it was in the past here & now it is actually very simple. I found out about methadone from my friend who is in jail....we were togeather for may-july 08 and again april-nov 09......people will be surprised to hear that he is not really my boyfriend...more of a drug friend....I have been on my own so long since my husband left in 2003, that honestly it just felt good to have someone there...and he was .....we did a lot of drugs togeather, and there was nothing i would not do to make sure he wouldnt get sick.......mind you he refused to go on methadone (thou as i say he was the one who told me about it ....he had tried it before & didnt like it).......my addiction was synthetic heroin....(dilutid, & hydromorph)....sorry to be dumb, but what do you mean by OC//oxycotyn???....i'm just not sure as up here for some reason synthetic heroin was pretty much it.....i have never seen actual heroin, much less done it.

Anyway sorry to digress, re methadone....it is actually very simple to get. In June of 2008 I took my two other friends (the guys that got me on it) to the methadone clinic with me. When they said they wern't taking new patients i put up a fuss and fortunately we all got in. All of us had the same addiction me for 7mo, them for about 2 years. We alll go about once a month, and as said in my prev post for quite a while i was still using sometimes almost every day (when W jail friend) other times only a few times a month.....for the summer of 2008 i completly quit; but as i still had some money to work with got into coke.....things were ok for a bit as initially they realize you will be using to some degree, but after year one is over i began to get comments from the dr such as we need a clean urine sample.  (or we may have to cut u off) ..so i tried to comply....now that my friend is gone that is fairly simple to stay clean.....its just lonely. I think I miss him more then the drug and in a way feel like if i do it he will be there...(magical thninking?).........

Methadone itself is not too bad though. It will not unfort get u high though. All it will do is keep the sickness away, and yes there is truth to the constipation/sweating rumors. I find the constipation killer. However I dont know if u found this, but i was also very constipated when on pills.....in fact i know of a guy who does pills all the time who drinks half a bottle of citro mag ( a purgative that cleans u out)  2x a month......I drank a whole bottle yesterday and felt a bit better, but i guess my point is that constipation is a problem wheather u are on methadone or pills(dilutid/hydromorph).....dont know about OC or heroin.As for the sweating keep your dose down. I was started on a cycle of 30/45/60/75/90 ml with 3 days at each level and the idea being to stay at 90. They cannot start you at 90 or 75 as it could (at least in theory) kill you and it wold be their fault. This is also the reason why you must not miss more then 2 days in a row....Often people will intentionally miss a day or two when they are going to get pills as the methadone blocks the rush. But if u miss more the 2 days running you are cut off and must go to the dr again. Here in canada methadone is prescribed at regular drs offices, but only at very select ones. i am fortunate enough to live a short drive away from one, and people come to it from all over the province. As for getting methadone you just pick a pharmacy, give them your script and make the commitment to be there every day. You may want to check into exactly how it works in your area, as I know I was scared to get on it for a while due to stuff i had seen in movies (sid & nancy etc. ) and thought that everyone would know. It is really very discreet. I just call in a few min before i come down so they will have it ready, then go into the pharmacy & go over to the window and say "hi"......Since they all know me they all know why i am there, so they just bring over my methadone (mixed with tang in a brown bottle), i drink it, initial my name & leave. Very simple. It is covered by pharmacare in canada, so in many cases depending on your income it may be free.

Sorry to go on  & on, but this is a topic i know quite a bit about. I  also want to say thanx for your post on my topic, and yes u are rite....take homes will be a big advantage.I hope that things are not too complicated re methadone where u live. Sometimes i think the steriotype of a big lineup of addicts waiting for methadone is what keeps people away from it. While that may be true in some places it isnt always.....(see the movie Candy)........


Best of luck to u and everyone in our situation!

casey
Helpful - 0
597547 tn?1251036764
Sorry it takes me so long to respond.  I don't have internet so the only time i can get on is at work or school.  Also, i only have a minute and I have a couple of PMs that i will not have time to respond to till later today.

As far as sweating and constipation - i've got that on sub.  Although, a friend on sub (from methadone) said his constipation is way less on sub.  I've had bouts with it, but have gotten in a healthy routine.

bmdad

very well said, and i appreciate your post.  as far as AD's.  Im not really sure.  Although I am paranoid about mixing meds as it is - because of a few close calls.  As far as Doctors helping - I am sure that is true.  But, my sub decision was spur of the moment and he was the only one without a waiting list over a few months.  I see why now.  My induction lasted all of 5 minutes and left with an rX of 60x8mgs.  It is supposed to be a process in which you are dosed, monitored, dosed monitored, etc.  every appointment since has been less that 5 min with my Script sitting on my end of the desk when i walk in.

Gnarly

don't worry, i didnt take your comment as a slam, i really appreciate your insight.  You said it kept you on the job 3 yrs longer - did you stop because of pain, retirement, or because of the methadone?  As far as the sex goes - i used to be a sex maniac, lol.  Sub has definately taken that away from me.  I have almost no desire anymore.  Every once in a while i'll decide heyyyy i wanna get laid tonight.  But - that used to be every night.  now it is prolly every couple of weeks and im ONLY 24 .  Jesus.  And like i said, I already struggle with sweating and constipation - but i am also depressed.  From what i've read your lesslikely to at least feel the depression on methadone.  thanks again.

Bev

Thanks for your response too, i appreciate the insight.  I live in the deep south, pretty rural around - although i am in a college town.  heroin is not near as available as it is in the inner city.  The vast majority at the clinic here are OC and Dialudid addicts.  Now, I am not saying OC addiction is worse then heroin.  But, my life was almost as bad off as some heroin addicts i am sure.  

As far as other routes - i've tried the meetings, counseling, and just abstinence based treatment for about 1.5 years.  i've now been on suboxone a while.  I hate it.  My only options are abstinence based treatment and methadone.  That 1.5 years of trying ( i know seems short to alot) but it has really takin the life out of me.  I got to the point where i was so dam tired of trying - which is why i decided for sub on the spur of the moment.  Since then, i have gone through alot as i said and I have alot of things i need to work on.  I know methadone is not the awnser to that.  But i also know if i quit sub right now and try to go back to trying on my own then I will relapse.  

I know many say that they will keep their methadone dose down, and dont stick to it.  i did well at keeping my oc down for most of my addiction.  and will try the same at the clinic.

i still havent decided and will have at least another couple of weeks to think things over.  

Mr lucky

Thanks again for your insight as well, much appreciated.


Thank you all so much
Helpful - 0
228936 tn?1249094248
I'm saying that the methadone addicts of today are often like that. When you and I were on it , things were much different. Now with many doses over 100 how could someone not be sedated and sweating? I don't believe we should give a drug that much credit to say it saves a drug addict'as life. It's just a tool and one that can help as it did in your caes, but is often overused these days.
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Avatar universal
I was on methadone for over 30 years and was not a sweating zomby. Constipated, maybe, but there are meds for that. i was a IV heroin user prior to that. WHen I got on you had to PROVE IV use by track marks and blood test. They would have never let pill addicts get on. It's too big a step. It's meant for the long term. Having said that, it was a lifesaver. I never had a dose higher than 80 mgs... It's hard to hold a job at the very beginning because there are stringent rules and you have to go there 6 days a week and stand on a line. They do nothing much to make sure you get to work. After a few weks I was adjusted to the dose, never got drugged up after. I eventually got schedule changes ending with coming one time a week, I had a very good job, raised a famil and lived life well. Methadone saved my life. Is it for everyone? No. Should other avenues be explored  first. Definitely.But it definitely has its place in the treatment community and to say methadonians end up as sweaty, constipated zombies is really unfair and untrue. I have since gotten down to 25 mg. and switched to subutex, strictly because I thought I would prefer the privacy of a doctors office over standing on a clinic line any longer.
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228936 tn?1249094248
Well put gnarly. Methadone can be a good thing for the hard core addict but is a very serious step. The website NAMA is very pro methadone and believes anyone should get methadone and as much as they want  for as long as they want it. They are content to go through live as constipated sweating zombies and that's not the way methadone works best for addicts nor was it ment to be used like that. all the best
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Avatar universal
hey dude..seen your post and it is difficult to answer honestly..but from experence
I spent 6 1/2 yr on methadone started out for pain management but wound up at a clinic..(long story)...annyway  after being on it so long it is hard for me to post annthing positive about it...it did help for pain and it did keep me functioning on the job 3yr longer then the dr sayed id be able to work...but like mrlucky said after you been on it a wile you notice the side effects ...
I started at 40mg and wound up at 150mg it deffently has its side effects...if your a guy witch you are....be ready for your sex life to come to a crashing halt..also I would
nod out at the most inappropriate times...to the point my wife thought something was wrong with me...it also makes you emotions numb you sorta stop feeling annything
this is no way to go thew life dude...and then there is the BIGGY....getting off it
it took me 8 1/2 mo of tapering and to say the least it was extremely difficult
ive been clean 33 days now and it still messes with me from time to time...
im not trying to slam your idea...but only trying to give you an idia on what to expect
if you go down this road...got to run for now pm me if you want more info
good luck with what ever you decide....Gnarly  

    
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
It seems you may be looking at the methadone as a replacement for the oc more than for a maintenance program. I just get that from your last post saying you'll probably become bored with it. Like Lucky said, it is now overused and many people end up going to the clinic to get a "legal high". If you can stay at a low enough dose just to keep withdrawals at bay and to keep you from using oc, then great. The problem is that just like any other opiate we end up building a tolerance and end up taking more and more trying to chase that high once again.
Have you talked to a doctor about all of this? You'd be surprised how willing doctors can be to help you through withdrawals if you are open and honest with them. You have been through a lot and can see how depression would be a issue. Also as I'm sure you know depression comes in full force while going through withdrawals. There are some safe medications that can be prescribed to help with withdrawals and the depression. Have you considered talking to a doctor about getting some help?
I'm not saying to not go the methadone route. I really can't as I have never taken it myself. I just know it is a opiate so is really no different than any others if you take it for the wrong reasons. Just like pain meds, if you take them as prescribed and only for pain as needed, we usually don't have much of a issue with them. If we start taking more than prescribed and not for pain but for the high, then the problems really start. I just don't want you to take methadone for the wrong reasons.
Can you take a AD while on sub? Maybe that alone could help. You just have to be careful about what types of medications you take together so always check with your doctor or a pharmacist. I do know that benzos and methadone together can be deadly from what I have read on here. So that may be another thing to consider if you are taking benzos for anxiety.
I'm glad you are doing your research and educating yourself before making the decision. Hang in there and let us know what you decide!
Best of luck!
Brian
Helpful - 0
597547 tn?1251036764
Codeine - thanks, your probably right in that i come here for support.

mr lucky - thanks alot, i really appreciate the clarification.  i understand whatyour saying, and i guess i'd probably become bored with it at some point, i usually do w erything else
Helpful - 0
228936 tn?1249094248
I'll clarify what I said as requested. Methadone was a good thing for the first 2 years. I could work and was somewaht productive and funcioned. After that I got bored and started taking benzos and other drugs. Back in those days I was on lower doses becaise MMT was more restricted and  no sky high doses. The way it is now is overused and too high doses producing sedated looking methadonians. When it was working for me well, it was on about 40- 50 mg. It becomes like a different drug at higher doses and got ugly for me in later years on high doses.
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Avatar universal
ITS A DIFFICULT SITUATION YOU GOT THERE ....i can understand you completely and at times it made me think too.......whats the point when everything seems so futile and why should i not feel good? but deep down you know thats not what you are after and thats the reason you come here and post .just know this that opiods are not a natural chemical your body needs and everything after that changes no part of the body works right from the ailementary canal to the brain to the sweat glands everything is in havoc so jus listen to your body and try not to end posting here on a question mark ........try using a fullstop its a powerful symbol the fullstop.........ill end it there.
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