my addiction and my husbands death

[tammer76]

I have't posted in a while. My husband passed away on friday the 7, 2007. Like you guys know he has had 23 surgerys on his adimonal. Herinas, reparing meshes, explortary, internal abses. etc. But I lost him. Found him on the bed half on the bed with his feeting dangling off, barley breathing, low pluse. I called the ambulance. Come to find out he had triple penomunea, his kidney's were faling, mera which is a staph infection was taking over his body making his body black and blue. While on life support. He died 7 hours later, his heart just stopped while on life support!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even understand myself anymore. I have methadone,percote,vicidion 7.5's,norco 10/325 they all look so goooooooooood right now. I need something to numb me. Don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in another world. Don't now how to deal with this.Doctor gave me xanax for the aniexty but he said only take 2 aday because blocking the griefing process with hurt me . He said I have't to grieve.Don't want to grieve gosh dam @#$$#@#@@#@##@#@%$$%^#. Any help please............???????????????????????????????


Tammer

[willyjones]

i have no idea who you are, but i am so sorry for your loss.
remember-he is always with you. he will love you until your final day-and beyond. let him love you while your clean. grieving is the only way to move forward, and i can guarantee you will make it-without masking the hurt. if you love yourself like you love your husband, keep fighting. he would want that.
xoxo

[GoingToMakeIt]

It is ok to grieve. You need to. You have lost a very dear person. It really won't help you to cover it up in dope. Xanax will help, especially at night. I am so sorry for your loss.

[mrpat]

Ifit helps I will cry for you,because right now my heart is breaking for you and your loss.

[wait2long]

oh hun...i am so so sorry...please, continue to care for yourself and please, continue the suboxone regime.  dont give up hun..you have to do this for you.  you have to continue to be well during this horrible loss you are experiencing. i too lost a close friend this past weekend...its just awful...if there is anything i can do, or you need to talk...let me know, maybe we can help each other through this horrible time. let me know...i have to recommend some one on one therapy for you...you will need the extra care and support during this difficult time, it did wonders for me this week... dont give up...my e-mail is in my profile if you want to talk...take care of yourself!!!  

[kit10]

I will first tell you a lil of my story and then you make your decision from there. . . I think everyone else has heard it and possibly you too, but anyway. Last Oct my husband was in an almost fatal car accident he sustained a traumatic head injury. He had a 2 % chance of surviving. He was in a coma for a long time, finally began to open his eyes, went to rehabilitation center. . . long story short. Sounds like a happy ending right?!? My husband has definately changed since the accident and me being the addict that I am what do you think that I turned to when all of this s hit happend, . . . I had ususually only abused percs, tylox, loratab. .  etc. But when I came home from the hospital I started using Oxy's. To block the reality of it all. I continued and continued and continued. . . and you know when I wake up in the morning my husband isnt back to his old self and my children dont have the father that they deserve. The pills have only masked my emotions and every time I start to get sober the rush and reality of it all hits me. Its just to much. When in all reality I shouldve just went through the grieving process without relapsing, bc now I have an even BIGGER problem on my shoulders and this one im not sure how to deal with, the hole just gets deeper and deeper my friend. I am truly sorry about your husband. I DO know how you feel.  You can Im me at anytime.

[PromisedLand]

I don't have a lot to offer, other than to say I'm so terribly sorry..I can't begin to understand what you must be going through...IBKleen has said some wonderful, wise things to you and I hope in your grief you can grab on to what she is saying.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.



Jim

[IBKleen]

I am so very sorry to hear of your lose. It is such a tragedy.

Grieving is a process and will not happen overnight. It is going to take time. It is hard, but if you allow yourself time to go through the process, you will heal.

I will suggest that you either find a grief support group or seek counseling, or both. Unfortunately, we are not born with the tools to handle these situations on our own.

You have come a long way with Suboxone, and I would hate to see you ruin that by taking the pills. Numbing yourself is a temporary fix. Eventually you will have to deal with this. Please do not use this as an excuse to start using the pills again.

I hope you are able to reach out and get the help you need to get through this terrible time.

Take care.