Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

my background

I would like to explain my past as an addict so people here can understand where my posts come from maybe it will help, I won't bore anyone with old war stories.........
First I would like to say at age 13 my father had me so afraid and scard of everything I could hardley even be with strangers I was so scard..........then something happened behind school one day:

At age 13 I smoked my first joint and cigarette with my buddy and I could not believe what happened my pain went away and I laughed at life it was the first time and I wanted more so:

13 started smoking pot and cigarettes
14 hash, hash oil
15 THC, Mescaline, Window paint, blotter acid
16 downers Quaaludes, Methaqualones, Angel Dust
17 all the above plus pain killers Hycomine etc, tylenol 4s, Tylox

18-22 graduated to Heroin (4 yrs)
23 Methadone

24-27 a lot of Heroin and pot
28-30 Everything then started with cocaine
30-32 Crack, Meth, Ice
32-37 Cocaine and a lot of pain pills, pot

38-44 Everything heavy pain pills including computer orders
44-49 Dilaudid and Fentyal injections

There was numerous jail time mixed in starting in 1979

Age 49 Met a judge who ordered me to addict behavior inpatient rehab
then 3 month inpatient drug rehab
I have been clean ever since November 26th 2005
Got involved in N/A Nov. of 2005

Jan of 2006 started college Washtenaw Community major Social Work
Cognitive thinking, Relapse Prevention, Victim Awareness, addiction studies

GSR Feb of 2006
N/A helpline June of 07
2007 speaking at N/A open speaker forum
2007 Spoke at my old Highschool drugs
2007 Through H & I (N/A) I speak at Harbor Lite inpatient drug rehab twice a week

August 2007
started at U of D Mercy CAC certificate courses Major Addiction studies

Thats pretty much it for skimming over my addiction history............
When I post I post from these past experiences and some formal education.........

I left social work because of the involvment with children it was to tough to deal with......
Plus my passion now is to help addicts and also highschool students to avoid taking
the road that I took and not waste 1/2 there lives.............like I did.......

today I feel good with 20 months clean time and love school......
I am thankful to be alive

thanks for listening.........

22 Responses
Avatar universal
I couldnt read the whole post.  I'll wait for the movie.....:-)
Avatar universal
Wow! I started out like that but then from 20 to 25 I took a brake from drugs. Then started up again for 7 years. Clean for 64 days now.  Congrats on 20 months.
Avatar universal
yup sounds familiar.
195648 tn?1231815718
Congrats on 20 months and may you have a lifetime of contnued sobriety notjust accumulated clean time. .  
I started drinking at 15, then pot of course, butnot much else.  I took a long break when I was in college, got my BA and graduated from SUNY Stony Brook in LI with 2 majors, elementary education and psychology, mainly because I kept switching and when it came time to graduate I had a lot of exess credits.  My minor was political science and then I went on to get my MA degree in paralegal studies.  
I then strated dating my husband who also has (had a problem with drugs and who sold coke and ecstasy and drinking again knowing full well alcoholism gallops in my family (father is now 19 years sober), then discovered tht coke could keep me awake longer so I could drink more.  I'm acutally very grateful for that because I believe it brought me down faster.
My onging road to recovery happened when I woke up one morning from a normal night of partying, not any worse or better than any other night, looked in the mirror and said to my reflection and to God (who never really heard from me all that much in my life) that I was either killing myself  that day or getting help.  That night my father walked me into my very first AA meeting and walked out wishing me luck.  I haven't touched a drink or coke or pot or any other illegal substance since.  That was 5 years ago this month.
As for pills, well it started out legitimately, as most of the stories go, but I quickly got carried away going down a road I knew I should never have travelled on.  I stopped being honet about my usage, stop going to meetings, lost contact withmy sponsors, let my sponsees down, hid it, isolated, used too much, pretended to be in more pain than I was really in to try to justify it etc.  
I am nowt about a little over a month or so (I stopped counting) free of Subutex and all opiates and mange my chroninc pain, and I DO have pain especially with my inability to rest my back injury because I have a very demanding and heavy 1 year old, with ibuprofen and sciatic nerve block injections and epidural shots.
I love being sober  not just clean and believe I am the person I am today because of my addiction as it lead me to God and friends in program and a better way of living my life in general not to mention the relationships I have repaired and get to enjoy due to my sobriety with both my parents and my husband and the wonderful feeling I get knowing that my daughter never has to see her mommy drunk, high or hungover, EVER and I can say that with undeniable assurity.
If I'm wrong about program or God and I find that out the day I die, well I would have lost nothing and gained everything.

Thanks for sharing Beach.  I look forward to your book.  Can you forward me some text from it if you don't mind?  Fladdict has my email.... so does Lizze and a few others if you care to find out.
Thanks again.

Love to you, Tara
Avatar universal
If your close to Liz Lou you can send me your email address through her......
Avatar universal
Just to let you know that is 37 years of heavy drug abuse............
A lot of people crack me because they say you think you know a lot about drug abuse.......
I just wanted people to know I have a long resume and I do happen to have some experience.......
Avatar universal
question do you think that denial is a huge part of addiction to deal with.........

people will read my post and say hes really screwed up I'm no where near that bad...........

thats not me I won't ever have his problem.......
Im 51 now I was once many of your ages here very young and very early in my addiction.......if you don't take action and get to recovery many young people here will be in my shoes and wake up one day and say where the he ll did the last 37 yrs go.......
195648 tn?1231815718
A request for your email has formally been put in so expect to hear from me............
Avatar universal
Ok I'll be expecting it.............you talk to Kimberly a lot...........

Her and I have had our ups and downs, it would really be cool one day to all meet and spend a day with each other........
239164 tn?1207266607
You are going to do so well in your chosen field.  You have a great passion for getting the message out and urging people to look deep within themselves to find the source of their problems.  Basically...a TRUE reality check.  I have to say, for me the part about admitting I was an addict was not hard.  The hard part for me was admitting I was powerless over drugs.  I am very strong willed and have always been able to do anything I wanted to do.  I also know that things I'm afraid I'll fail at, I don't even try.  Maybe that is what kept me in my addiction for so long.  I couldn't admit that drugs had gotten me and were in control.  When I was able to admit that, I was truly able to begin my recovery.  And then, typical of my personality, I had to TEST it one more time...hence the recent relapse.  That one, though nothing NEAR my past usage, brought me to my knees, buddy.  I KNOW now, without a doubt, I am powerless over drugs.  They win!!!  I have a new determination that I never really had prior.  I am hopeful that was my last relapse.  I have a wonderful support group.  I'm very lucky that none of my close friends or relatives (with the exception of the friend I've written about) use drugs.  I didn't have to give any of them up.  I have found a good home group of N/A and am attending as often as possible right now and will attend much more regularly once the wedding/honeymoon is over.  Tim attends open meetings with me.

It would be wonderful if we could all get together some day, I agree.  How cool to meet, in person, the people we talk to here!  I would love to give all of you a big hug!!

Okay...here's a plan.  I'm getting married September 1, 7:00 p.m., with a huge reception, band and all...you're all invited!!  R.S.V.P., please!  

Seriously, I would love if every one of you could come.  I know it's not practical, but how fun would that be??  

195648 tn?1231815718
Beach, yeah we talk a lot and I get it..... We should try and meet up..... Where are you again???
The Bellagio sounds fabulous I mist say.

VOsrose.... congrats on your wedding!!  I just got married to my high school sweetheart in January.  First came baby then came marriage.  If i could come I wold.
God bless you both!  
239164 tn?1207266607
Thanks and congrats on your recent wedding, too!  Your baby is beautiful, by the way!  I have a daughter, but she's 15 now, almost 16.  They grow up WAY too fast!  

Avatar universal
wow, i smoked pot all day every day from 16-26, and when i drank i ALWAYS got ugly drunk so i was introduced to 12 step by a friend.14 years later(sober the whole time)  i injured my back started with pain pills(got them from friends of friends different pills different weeks i didnt know what they were not my thing but they worked, they took the pain away and allowed me to function), 3+ years later my back was ok enough to stop the pills, it was horrible :( im over 100 days clean now and still feel like cr@p a lot. im not sure whats wrong? im doing aminos. i think maybe somewhere along the road i burned my adrenals thyroid out? i get a little better every day but its slower than molasis in winter.

reading your history made me feel quite ill, as i know what detoxing from opiates is like (now) and i bet you have done it more than once.as well as haveing had many other bad withdrawls.

congrats on your 20 months, theres a lot id like to say about 12 step, but for now all ill say is,

relapse is like making love to a gorrilla, its fun at first, but 'you' dont decide when it stops.

id like your e mail addie also?
Avatar universal
i just barely noticed your question to me....yes i do think denial is a big part of recovery...if you cant admit you have a problem, then how do you fixit?  am i right?  why do you ask me this?  do you think i am in denial?
228686 tn?1211558307
Denial... a tricky question. Admitting you have a drug problem is well and good, but what about people who are running from hidden demons and using to help hide from them?

I'm curious, you seem to be an advocate of NA (Beach). Do they deal at all with getting at the issues that left a person open to addiction in the first place? The few groups I checked out (small pool, I'll admit) seemed chiefly focused on mutual support of members to prevent further abuse.
     I got the impression that the more successful members (non-relapsing) had sought some form of intense self-analysis (not necessarily professional help) to address their "damaged psyche".
But this seemed to be done on their own, not out of any doctrine supported by NA.

Without the self analysis, there seems to be an attitude of "fighting off the inevitable". It seems unproductive.

wait2long, perhaps your in denial about being in denial about denial.
Shoot, I'm going to have to log off and sit and contemplate that one. Not even sure I got it!
Avatar universal
Thanks for your post.  I'm new here and do wonder about the background of some of the more "knowledgeable and experienced" people on here. Thank you for sharing that, you are an inspiration to those of us just starting to quit and go through the bad physical part of it, it makes it easier to remember how good it is to be sober and that others can do it too : )
Avatar universal
????????WHAT???????  try again hun...LOL!
Avatar universal
are you referring to core issues?

No I got that help in inpatient drug and behavior rehabs with a counselor........

But at N/A I talk about it with some people it depends if it comes up or if I am asked about it.......
Avatar universal
That would be the 4th step
Avatar universal
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

that is a bit of a stretch.........
Avatar universal
why did you ask me that question about denial?  if you scroll up you will see that i answered your question, just wonder why you ask...and if you think i'm right...
256169 tn?1191688915
I read your resume and respect what you are going.  Do you mind if I hand around the forum here to see what happens?  Seriously I respect what you are doing.  Have a good one today my friend.
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