Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

need help BAD

I have been taking any sort of Vicodin pill I can get percocets lortab norco the works, Never taken mis oxy or cousin roxy. I have been through a CTW many times seriously I cant even count the issue is after 3,5,7,10 days I get a call and BAM and right back taking OR I get a refill date and go to the pharmacy and get my demons. I am seriously over this I can't do it anymore I have no more energy for my body to get ran down or stay up 3-5 days straight.

   I am on day 2 once again I have been good body wise but my mind and no sleep is killing. I just came off a 10 plus a day habit and I have no issues besides mental and sleep havent even had the runs. So I am taking this as it is the ONE I am DONE this easy WD I cant go back going on day 3 here in a few hours and am basicaly fine.

The REAL problem is I am scarred into temptation how to not give in I can get a script in a week ALL my friends take them and I am not cutting off lifetime friends 15 plus years of knowing them because they choose to still use. They have never pressured me into anything ever I always relapsed on my own doing this has also been a addiction since I was 15 I am going to be 32 in a few months there really hasnt been a sober day since then besides the days I tried to get clean.

I am sooo tired of having no money use money I do have working my a55 off to just get more pills that DO NOTHING but keep me from going into withdrawal it is such a waste I am tired of it. I just have NO CLUE how to STAY sober I can get sober I have had 3 weeks MOST under my belt and relapsed I feel like the song pink floyd hey you. the first lyrics are me Hey you out there in the cold getting lonely getting old  standing in the crowed itchy feet and fading smiles dont give in with out a fight problem is this isnt fantasy and no matter how hard I try I cant break free. The problem is I do give in with a big a55 fight. how the hell do I not give in and win the fight I am at a loose. last year it was so bad I tried suicide I have a FAT scare on my wrist only reason didnt die was got caught and EMT took my hospital I guess it was for the best that I did get caught after I did it for I am still here all it showed me was there was no hope at all for I am still alive and still taking these demons the devil just wont let me go.

sorry so long I have no to turn to addiction runs in my family sister is on methadone for same reason all aunts uncles drink A LOT and or smoke weed I dont do anything besides swallow pills. My mom passed away 3 years ago she didnt do anything drink smoke drugs nothing she is the only one I cold talk to and she is gone so I am here in desperate need of some help or god to send my a angle to help me and give me power sorry so long just ranting and clearing my mind thanks for reading and any help.
5 Responses
6726276 tn?1421126668
When you give something up, you need something to replace it.
You could try an adult education class- wood working or something related to your job.
  Reading- go get a library card.
You'll meet new friends along the way.
  I also like affirmations.
    Support groups. Church.
    Remember drink lots of water. I like emer-c powder.
     When you have a hole, it needs to be filled.
   All the best. CRSeaside
Avatar universal
Hi, welcome. Sorry, I had trouble understanding what you wrote. But, I think I get the gist.

With all due respect to the above poster, finding a hobby isn't going to keep you clean. You need to first STOP getting refills and having access to any. Look, I know you don't want to cut your friends out, but if the closest friends you have are using addicts, that's a problem. You can't get clean if you stay stubborn. This is life or death my friend. Cut off ALL access to pills. If you want, later, much later, when you are in strong recovery, you can revisit these "friends."

Cut all access and get your arse into a program. Many of us on here (most) who are successful are heavily involved in either NA, AA or both. Once we drop the drugs we have to work on our addict brains. You've been numbing yourself since you were a kid. You need lots of help.

Are you willing to listen to those who came before you? New people sometimes dig their heels and want to pick and choose what they listen to. If you want to get and stay clean LISTEN to what sober people are telling you.

Please keep posting, there will be more help coming.
Avatar universal
Hi  well I second what jifmoc said  you need to distance yourself from those that use.....cut off all supply's ...and just because you stop the pills does not = recovery....your still left with the addict in your head that is alive and well....your going to need a progam of recovery  for me N/A has been the magic bullet   it treats the addict inside  the meetings are only a hour long  you will meet people that want to help  it also gives you some place to share what is going on inside you with people that will understand   this is a critical step for long term recovery  it is not enough to just stop the pills....google a N/A meeting near you.....................Gnarly
16843698 tn?1451888298
I was in a similar situation....I did not want to let go of lifelong friends that still used. Sadly, even tho they also never pressured me, the fact that they were using made me jealous and want to use too. I had no money or health insurance. Every dollar I had went to drugs. But I got in a state funded methadone program and it changed my life. Methadone programs don't work for everyone. But I really wanted the sobriety because I wasn't even using to get high, just to feel unsick like you said. I worked the program, and by the time the state funding ended (after 1 year), I had my own heath insurance to continue the program and money again. You desperately need a program of some sort. U can't do this alone. Methadone Maintenance...even tho it is very daunting. Or na. U need to involve yourself with people who will be supportive in your recovery.
Avatar universal
Hi...well as you can see getting clean is the ez part  it is staying clean that takes the work  aftercare is what your missing  for me the N/A progam has givin me back my life ...it is free and the meetings are only a hour long  it will give you some place to share what is going on with you where the people will understand.....with time and working the steps you will loose the very desire to use...something I thought was impossible....b/4 you give up or use again google a N/A meeting near you and go.....................Gnarly
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