need some supportive words on Quitting pills

[evilways]

hey evryone, i have been addicted to pain meds for about 3 years now. If i have a large quantity of pills I will use up to 100mg a day. but mosly its 30-60mg a day if i can get it. If not i take other things just to get through the day. Its like i cant function if i dont have a high of some sort. I quit for 21 days back in november with no withdrawls or anything and threw that chance away and my addiction has only escalated since. Its ruining my life. I took my last 4 vics this morning and dont have anything else. I can probably get some more tomorrow but I dont want to live this way anymore. I want my life back, i want that chance i was given last fall back. Its not the quitting that scares me, its the withdrawling. I need some support and kind words. No one in my family knows anything about this, I feel so alone. DaM N i want my life back so badly. I take care of my 10 month old niece full time, 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and cant take time off to detox so i need as much support as possible. Thanks for reading everyone...

[gnarly_1]

HI I remember you from last time....pick up the stuff in the thomas recipe you will find the list on the lower right of this page also pick up some gatoraid you will need to force the fluids .....YOU CAN DO THIS........this time put some form of aftercare in place to help you stay clean getting clean is the ez part its staying that way that takes the work where all out here to support you so post often we can walk you threw this good luck and God bless.........Gnarly  

[perco13]

Addiction is a bad *** disease. It doesn't magically go away after you detox. This thing is for real. I was addicted to pills for 5 years. I couldn't quit on my own. Even after weeks of sobriety my brain told me to go back. I never understood it, i always thought it was getting over the physical withdrawals and ill be fine. I was so wrong. This thing did more damage then i could've ever imagined. I went to rehab for 30 days. They helped me wean off of pills. They taught me a lot. I thought once i got out ill be clean and i could live a happy life. Thank g-d i went to a good rehab. They prepared me for this. They made me come clean with myself, that i am indeed an addict. They made me come clean with my family, it caused a lot of shame, guilt, humility. It was humbling. but it brought me closer to my family and i now have a strong support group. They push me to go to meetings and although i dont want to go it helps me deal with the intense cravings i get. These cravings are paralyzing, like nothing i could ever imagine. I also go to intensive outpatient 3 times a week where they drug test me. This keeps me in check. It keeps me on my toes, it keeps me accountable. Im 25 years old and this is all a new lifestyle to me. It is really hard to do. But i know i cant live the rest of my life taking pills. I dont want to die. This is something i have to do. I take my recovery seriously and its a daily fight. I hope you get the courage to do the same. Unless you give 100% , come clean with your family, do the really hard things you wont be able to heal. My heart goes out to you and everyone suffering from this. Gain the courage to reclaim your life! dont let this thing beat you. I can inly carry the message, You never have to use again if you dont want to. but you have to make significant changes to stay away. I hope you figure this out.

[kyle505]

Welcome...All I can do is repeat what a few of the others have said - if you "can probably get some more tomorrow", or the next day, or whenever, then the odds are likely that you won't stop. The med head games never end, even if the physical detox symptoms are gone. So, you have to decide if you really, really want this. If you do, then you have to inform all of your sources that you're an addict, or are at least an abuser (if you're not comfortable with addict); you also have to come clean with your family; anyone close to you. It's hard to do, but until those two pieces are in place you won't stay clean. I've abused for over 15 years; lied to myself and others. I did exactly what I suggested you should do, and finally have found a bit of solid ground to stand on. The temptation will ALWAYS be with me, but the longer I'm clean, the better I can deal with it. Good luck.

[10356]

I wrote this in Nov in your journal, it still applies.. Never give up ok You are worth so very much a Precious life.. a Good Person.. a Beautiful Spirit..

eveilways it comes about in the trying.. I'm glad you are going to try again and yes you are Stronger then that and you are Worth so much more then what we feel in active addiction. as Laurel said I never felt so low clean as I did high be it drugs our booze. you will not always feel bad. if you let go get clean in a few weeks new and wonderful things open up Like the smell of food a pretty day clouds in the sky. when was the last time you just watched the clouds float by ? active addiction robs us of everything but the depression it holds us in. I will be sending prayers and I'm here for support. you are very welcome my friend You are so Worth the effort.. hugs

[evilways]

Thank you for your kind words, my self esteem is obviously non existant at this point because of what i have let these pills do to my life, but i am still trying to quit, so at least thats something. I feel like giving up and just accepting that i'll never be able to quit but I WONT do that. Im not giving up yet and i'll keep trying. Thank you everyone, the support is helping more than you guys know...

[evilways]

i couldnt believe i didnt WD either, I have tried to quit more times than i can count and have had awful WD symptoms but last fall it was like getting a free pass and i blew it. I know I wont be that lucky twice so i am trying to just prepare myself for the WD's and im TRYING to keep a positive mind set, but we all know how hard that is when the addiction part of our brains start going nuts wanting their fix! Im 25 yo and take care of my niece during the day and  the outside look like i havent a problem in the world, when in reality i have an out of control addiction. I just have to keep faith that i can do this because i cant spend the rest of my life living for those tiny pills. Ive let myself lay to waste for those da mn things and im tired of it. Good luck to you too, thank you so much everyone, every new comment bolsters my strength even more!

[evilways]

thank you for the support, i was actually just reading your post before you commented on mine. ive tried to quit more times than i can count and unfortunately know exactly what im probably in for, i just wish i hadnt thrown away that free pass i got last fall. But i cant look back, i have to keep looking forward. Thank you so much for the support. just getting encouragement helps alot.. Good luck to you as well, we can do this!

[no_will]

I can't believe you went 21 days and did not have w/d.  I envy you.  I know exactly how you feel.  I have been on hydros for years, but I have really bad w/d every time I run out.  I just went 39 hours and ended up going to my doctor to get more because I felt like I was going to die.  I'm tired of my life revolving around my pills, how many I have left, when will I be able to get more, etc.  I am 50 years old and have a professional career and I am a hydro addict.  It doesn't matter that it started innocently with a serious illness, I know now that I am an addict.  I have nobody to turn to for help either.  I'm actually thinking of joining an addiction group or something.

[littlebit667]

I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU!  It will be over and I will feel so much better.  My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little.  It is hard, but doable!  The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page) under Health Pages will help.  I did not to the tranquilizers and had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped.  Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help.  I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.  

Hydrate and eat! ((gatorade is good) Even if it is just a little every hour or so.(boost or ensure might work for both food and drink)  You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.  

If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works.  Walking seemed to help me some.  Hot bath with epsom salts..a little.  I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep.  If nothing works,your doctor might help.  Benedryl or OTC Alteril helps some with sleep issues and you will have them.

One hour at a time is all anyone can ask.  After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time!  Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill.  I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse.  I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.

The hardest part comes after the detox.  Your brain will be all over the place and will try to get you back on the pills...It is having to work and not depend on the pills to help.  

Good for you.  I hope all goes well.  You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!!  Keep posting!!!!!

[10356]

Hi Evilways... I'm glad to see you post on the forum.. I know you have tried before but you always went back.. You need to cut off your supply and get honest with family Someone in your life you can be accountable too.. You and I have been here before I would love love to see you get clean.. You are so sweet so caring a terrific sister a genuinely Nice person.. Now turn that niceness on yourself and Free yourself of this weight this chain that is holding you..  You can do it You can do this.. wding is nothing compared to what this addiction destroys.. sending Strength Courage and Determination.. your friend, lesa

[Jason5536]

I know it ***** even thinking about stopping pills.  I am gonna be strait with you.  Its a nightmare, it is the flu on steroids but like the flu it passes and on the other end there is the life you should be living.  Happiness, joy in just living, not just miserably getting by and if you are wondering "oh its easy for this guy to say"I am on my second day of WD from OxyCodone.  I feel horrible. If you make your mind up that you are done and just go through it you will wonder why you did not do it earlier.  be prepared have a plan, if you can get off work for any amount of time do it. get water, gatorade, immobium, protein shakes, bananas, multivit, other people will know more on this site than me, the people on here are amazing.  my situation is below yours. Do it for self, if you need any help message me, or post it here. good luck man. You Can Do IT Man!!