new to sobriety, strong habitual cravings

[joycake]

Hey guys. Good to be back here.

So here's my situation:
I started methadone about a month and a half ago. It's really helped me to stop shooting h, I haven't used for over a week. Part of that could also be that I just moved (yesterday) into a room in a house, and got a new job (3 weeks ago approx)

Tonight, I find myself with the first free time I've had in a while, all settled in to my new room and done studying, able to watch TV or relax or do whatever I want... and I find myself, almost out of force of habit, checking the time to see if my dealer's available, then dialing and letting it ring once before forcing my hand down and pressing the end call button. Why am I pulled so hard to this dumb self-destructive habit? Talk me through, if you would...

[EvolverU]

Hey there Joy :)

Kudos to you on putting the needle down for a week & a half (& counting, right? Look @ you!).

I for one, think that M'done might be the right choice for you right now but please, please, don't make the mistakes that I & so many others made. Don't get on a high dose -- stay on the lowest possible 'blocking' dose you can & try not to stay on it too long. The longer you stay on it, the harder it is to come off physically. If you're on a clinic, please, don't form friendships with the folks there. Don't make it your world. If you do, you will have gone from the frying pan & into the fire.

Use Methadone as a tool -- as a stopgap measure that will allow you to build a life, some belief in yourself & to work some sort of recovery program. I'm so happy to hear about your new job & house. Sounds good! What you're describing is so familiar to addicts. I believe it's particularly hard for IV users not to feel that compulsion. I think that it's great that instead of making a call, you posted. It's a good start but you're going to need local support as well. Staying busy really helps but you'll (naturally) have downtime & you're going to have to learn skills to deal with these times when the urge comes upon you. Do you have a counselor? Anyone you can talk to? Is this a clinic or are you being prescribed it by a Dr.?

I hope you got rid of your dealers number & all your works, etc. :)

Stay strong & good to see you!

[refills]

Welcome back Joy! You've been shown above the correct path to sobriety. The door is wide open for you to muster up all your strength that will propel you through the door of your brand new life. Wanting it more than drugs is the key to your success best Wishes....ike

[gnarly_1]

Hey Joy good to see you post....first off the desire to stay clean must excide the desire to use for this to work ...idle time alone is not a good place for a addict  making those calls puts you on dangerous ice it tells me you are still chasing the high....I agree with the other posters here you need to get out of your comfort zone and reach out and get plunged into aftercare...the only progam that has really and truly worked for me has been N/A it is a simple 12 step progam along with meetings that helps keep me clean  it is also the only progam that I know of, with time that you can loose the very desire to use Google N/a meeting in your aera.....Gnarly

[weaver71]

You've been around here long enough to know that those of us who are sober and stay around are the ones who go to meetings, church, therapy, get a work out program, eat good, make new friends, new hobbies, habits, and life. Stopping drugs and detox is really a very small part of recovery, I've seen you stop a few times now. So you must have proven to yourself  that this is not a willpower thing or a simple matter of wanting to stop bad enough, it takes a lot of support and hard work to change our instincts. To me, working on changing my MO and instincts has been a much bigger part of recovery than stopping drugs. I was such a bad methadone addict, similar to how you have been using heroin. I'd quit, use, quit, use, then, I'd quit and use again. I felt stuck, because I kept trying to do it my way. I had to change more than what I put in my body, I had to change what I put in my mind, heart and spirit as well. If you really want this, as your continued return back to us tells me you do, then it is time to work on every part of you with this new free time. Don't try to decide if a therapist, meeting, or whatever will work for you, before you go, actually GO and Find Out for yourself. There is no one thing i'd suggest over another, other than try everything you can find around you, I bet it will work.

Few situations do I think methadone is better than nothing, but your last stay in a motel and melting down, only to go right back out, makes me think you could benefit from leaving the chase behind. Like your 'almost' phone calls, methadone can give time for those things to fade some. On the other hand, I do hope you work a strong recovery, as methadone detox was the second most difficult thing I have ever felt, because I was on it way too long. Use this time to get a plan, a life you don't want to sacrifice anymore. Once you have all those aftercare in place, slowly get away from the methadone. I am biased, due to my methadone experience, but most all us long time users agree, get the benefits of it immediately, and get off as soon as you can. Keep up the good fight, it took me years to finally stop using, even after I truly committed to doing it. Keep us posted.

[NeverAgain127]

Great answer, jifmoc.     Addiction is a compulsion.

[jifmoc]

Joy: Aftercare: Go to meetings. Get a sponsor.Get lots and lots of addict's phone numbers.

"Why am I pulled so hard to this self-destructive habit?" Because we're addicts. We CAN'T DO IT ALONE. If we could just think ourselves into doing something else, there would be no addicts.

In case you missed it: Meetings. Sponsor. Phone numbers. (Yes? Okay good.)

[Ben727]

It really makes perfect sense. You've been clean for a week (great job, btw), but you've probably spent quite some time building up routines and habits around drug use. So it's no surprise that you're finding yourself reverting to old patterns when you have downtime. Probably the most useful thing my addiction therapist told me was that I had to find something to replace all the running around and "seeking" activities the surround drug use. No matter what I did to that end, it felt like a square peg in a round hole at first. But I focused all my attention on finding ways to replace what I used to do, and over time those new habits took the place of the old ones. For me it became swimming and supplementation and trying to adhere to a specific diet. They didn't come easily at first, but I was very dedicated to finding something to keep me occupied and kept at it. It takes a lot of work, but I am very happy with where it's taken me.