newbie

[seekinghope]

Hi everyone, I am very new to this and just looking for support and help. I have never encountered a problem like this in my life. I am 40 years old and now taking a little over 4/7.5's of vicoden 3 times a day. This started over 2 years ago. I have had surgeries in my past and took pain meds but never had a problem. I guess it was about 2 1/2 years ago I took one of my husbands pain pills (he had neck surgery) because I had a migraine coming on and it made me feel full of energy and euphoric. That never had happened before!! So I was taking one here and there to have that wonderful energy feeling to get stuff done. In reality I guess I never REALLY got anything done! Anyway, it turned into more and more and more and I just can't quit. I have gone thru severe depressions in the past (not constant, but episodes) so I have been on antidepressents for a very long time and I think I just really liked the way the pills made me feel. I wasn't out experimenting or anything, it just happened. I know I have to stop because they are making me very moody and I am living my life around them. I never was the type of person to take from anyone else, but I am now stealing them from wherever I can get them!!  I feel guilty about that but just keep doing it. Not to mention I have a 17 year old that I need to be a good mom for. I tried to stop once and of course my brain chemistry was all messed up so I went into a severe depression and I know it will go away in time but I get suicidal & am so scared of that feeling again. For all others on the community, The one short success I had was when I went out of town to my moms to get away from it all to get clean and I had accupunture done along with lots of what the accupuncturist recommended (vitiman C, querctin, magnesium(helps loads with the restless legs and cramping), and calcium.) That did help ALOT. But as soon as I was back at home, I just couldn't stay away from them. Does the urge for that happy feeling ever subside??????
I know my Psyciatrist said the very best way to do this is weaning, and I thought, and he thought I might be able to, because this isn't a problem I have ever really had, but I just don't have the will power. I am getting depressed and so scared and I know that I need to stop. I am just so confused cause I am one that reads alot to gain as much knowlege as possible but it just gives me to many options in the way of some saying go 12 step, others saying don't go 12 step because that is saying you have a disease and will always have a disease. I just don't feel I fit into that catagory because I never had this before.  I don't know whether to try to wean because of my past depression problem, or just put my brain in chaos and check myself in somewhere for detox!!!! My brain is just swimming and thats a sign for me that I am going downhill. I am sorry if my post is too long, I just needed to talk to others who are in the same position. Is there hope??? Does anyone ever learn to live without that happy euphoric feeling again after they experience it once??? The sad thing is there are books I've read that talk of awesome rehab places that treat the whole self. With medication, acupuncture, a therapist and a nutritionist to really help someone the best way possible, but of course they are a fortune!!! Anyway, just wanted to tell my story and get some feedback. Thanks for listening.

[seekinghope]

Thanks for the input. I have actually had xanax in the past and have some now. Honestly, I never ever had a problem with stopping that medication. I only take it during extreme episode of anxiety or depression. I don't like feeling tired and out of it, but I know that it will probably come in handy with the anxiety i will experience during my w/d. But I will be careful, even though I don't have a problem with those type of drugs, I know that after a period of time they are physically addicting. I almost wish I never felt the euphoria with the vicoden. I think I could handle just the physical part(not that it is easy!!) easier than the mental in combination with it.

[seekinghope]

I know, I really feel stupid putting so much information on my first post. Like I said, my head is just swimming!!! Thanks for the reply.

[doomfrog]

Hey there!  Our situations are a little bit different, but I thought I would chime in just so you know that people are here to help.  My drug was Tramadol and it was solely a physical addiction, not mental and also very short term (about 3 months).  One of the first things I can say is get your family involved.  Does your husband know this is a problem?  If not, tell him.  You are likely going to be sick for several days and it is better that he just know and be able to support you.  You were really on the right track with the info that the accupuncturist gave you with the supplements.  I would also ad 5htp and l-theanine.  Both help with anxiety and with sleep.  l-theanine is said to have anti-depressant qualities as well.  I would certainly get your doctor involved, but I would ask not to have anything beyond something to help you sleep (if you must).  If at all possible, stay away from the Xanax and the Valium.  It is possible you'll just trade one addiction for another.  I think with the right support you can certainly do this at home.  Look around on here for "Thomas's recipe."  It gives lots of info about detoxing.  

That being said, it is NOT going to be comfortable or easy.  You will have to do with very little sleep for a few days and some general unpleasantness.  As for your question about whether or not the desire for that "happy feeling" ever goes away, I will leave that to someone else to answer because that is not part of my problem.  But keep checking back here.  There are lots of people with useful advice.  I can tell you to try not to obsess about the withdrawal symptoms.  Pretend you have the flu.  THis helps you remember that it is only temporary.  

Take care and good luck.

[mjax024]

welcome....that's alot of questions, i don't think the urge for the happy feeling ever really subsides...that's why i would keep using. i think we're learning to make it without the chemical assistance..not sure if we ever actually learn how to do that yet. it is possible to do a successful taper and withdrawal at home......not always easy, but doable....that being said, if you honestly are having suicidal thoughts or you know you're prone to that, then you'll probably wanna get a doctor involved. i don't personally find anything useful for me with a 12 step program...but we all have a disease that we have to constantly treat...think of it like a virus that goes into remission.  keep us posted on how it goes. best of luck.
                                                -mjax024