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Avatar universal

not the only one

Thankyou to all for your responses. I'm new to this forum so I'm still trying to figure out what it's all about and how to post etc..Call me computer challenged. When I reached out for help from friends and family..they all wanted to "help" but it turned into a witch hunt. Unfortunatley my husband also told people that i didn't think needed to know my business. So anytime anything goes wrong in my life or theres$ problems...it must be me the addict. thats not true. I take care of my family..My kids don't have to wake me up out of comas etc...I'm so mad. I have taken hydro for about6 years. Ive begged for help here and there. i eventually was talked in to going to the "clinic". i thought I was helping myself get off the pills only to start taking methadone. With 6 kids i couldn't go inpatient. Anyway last Aug. I was so sick of it that i went cold turkey of 65mg for 9 mo .I thought I would die and it was the worst experience of my life. I think it lasted at least 6 wks. But than i had rotor cuff surgery..back on the vicodin. I know it's hard but right now i don't even feel like i want to be here any more. I'm so tired. I do so bad want top get off these, but in light of my husbands problem now i know it's going to be even harder. I am so pissed that he got into this after seeing the hell i have gone through.And his big mouth. of course no one knows his problem. it's hard for him too because he works in a shop and they seem to be everywhere. It's sad when you can get rid of 100 for $5/ea in less than 10 min. Sorry i'm rambling. having a real hard time today.
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372416 tn?1242665752
Good Job sadinmichigan.  Glad you posted

Help is on the way.

I wasn't fooling when I said that.  U did the brave thing.

Talk soon.  
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
You are doing fine with posting. Don't worry about it. One thing I will suggest though is to stay with one post and wait for responses. If you start a new post on the same subject, you may miss someone talking with you.

I feel for your situation. It is so hard when people around you judge you, or label you when they don't understand the disease of addiction.

I have to say, going cold turkey off of 65 mgs of Methadone was a very brave move on your part. It must have been hell! And since you did that, you know that you are capable of getting off of the pills. You need to come up with a plan, and stick to it. I also suggest that you get some sort of aftercare once the physical withdrawal is over. Since you have relapsed, it is so important to get to the root of the problem so that you don't repeat it.

So, where are you at right now? Getting ready to quit???
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thankyou..my name is Lisa...just can't stop crying right now.
Helpful - 0
390416 tn?1275185087
Welcome...there's lots of help here.
Like IBKleen asked...whats your plan?
How much do you do and how often?
Keep oposting.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You are not rambling and I am glad you are here.You are very strong and you could do this and I am sorry for the hell you are going through right now. Maybe they need to come here or someplace to understand addiction and that it was nothing that you did wrong. It really is a disease and all our brain's know is that this medication fixes it so we start to crave it badly,then we physically need it. It takes a tough person to fight the disease,but it is so worth it. Hugs
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thankyou..I have read alot of things you have said to others over the past week or so. You are an inspiration. Right now I'm at...counting the 6 i have left and thinking Oh great here we go again. I know I can do it but my mind is having a hard time gearing up so to speak. With the methadone I stopped going and of course after a day or two I couldn't have gone anywhere if my life depended on it.I barely remember the first 2 weeks except that i was awake for 23 hrs a day to endure that hell. I can't say i'd do that again. But I don't plan on being on methadone ever again or anything else. My friends say i'm stubborn as a mule..but I can't seem to get a grip yet
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sound like you are ready to quit. I think you need to have a talk with your husband and let him know you have had enough and you need his love and support to get through this.  After the talk I believe he will understand more about where you are coming from. If he is using he might have had the same thoughts of helplessness against the pills also.  It will work out in the long run. You have made a big step coming here, there are allot of great people ready to help you get past this addiction.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
iv'e currently been taking more than 180/mo for the past 6 months and before that probably 10-15 daily +somas (don't take now) I usually run out within3 weeks depending on how many people beg me for them. Total I have been taking something for about6 yrs. As a teenager..did all kinds of drugs (except heroin). So I guess it's been a life long addiction to something.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
How do you fight something that is all around you? I'm starting to think maybe I should go inpatient. has anyone tried that? I know that if I do that my family will not be really supportive. i don't know what to do. I have told my husband over and over that i want this to stop but he can't care right now because he's too worried about himself and his own pills. He still insists that he must take them for pain but then...why is he still always in pain. it's just not worth it. nobody could convince me that hydro's help with pain after a year of taking them. it's been well documented. I am so frustrated and don't know what to do. i feel like I'm losing it.
Helpful - 0
333612 tn?1302883390
Go inpatient if you have to....get away from the drug-merry-go-round that is your life. You can't keep yourself and your husband afloat forever emotionally. If your family isn't supportive, then don't deal with them.You will find people that are supportive of you in detox.
I vote you go inpatient if you can. There is no shame in that. Spend sometime getting yourself clean. You can get to the root of your addictions while there. When you are physically and mentally strong you can get out of rehab and grab life by the balls. Let your hubby know that enough is enough. You are enabling him (and yourself) to stay in this self made hell. Don't do it anymore.You are worth way more than that!!! do it for your kids and yourself. You can do this.
We will all be here for you. Keep posting. Don't give up. The drugs are keeping you down and making change seem impossible...but it isn't impossible. It is TOTALLY do-able.
Go to rehab. Get cleaned up. Get your life back. You can and will be happy!!
Stay strong and remember you are not alone.
Keep posting
Greatgreebo
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thankyou for your support and advice. I am in a self made hell and I can't/won't take it anymore even if it means walking away from my husband. He says he'll do whatever he needs to but i have heard that time and time again. I know he is just going to lie and lie and lie. he has seen me almost lose my life and then he went ahead and got into the same pattern. I always had them locked up etc.. but then he can get anything from work that he wants. I just don't believe him anymore. I have poured my heart out and told him the truth. I had been telling him for the last 2 years at least!!!.I'm just so damn mad right now. I threw all the rest I had at him and now I'm....just sitting here about to cry. I really am having a hard time getting out how I'm really feeling. It's not pretty and then i hate myself even more because it's so selfish. i have beautiful wonderful kids and they don't deserve me to be so sad all the time. Oh my....I'll be back
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thankyou for caring. i really mean that. it's funny how people you don't even know can offer more comfort than the ones that are around and say they care. i am gonna cry all night! Certainly won't be the first time. i know I can't make my man feel the same way i do about all of this (until he's sick because he doesn't have any) But I just CAN NOT do this anymore. Theres of course much more to this story but everyone has pain and heartache. We lost soooo much already. I want a real life! Thanks again. I'm gonna go sit in my car and think.(the only quiet place around here)
Helpful - 0
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