Update- Still struggling.

[Junip]

Hi All!

I have been meaning to post but have been crazy busy with work and home. I tried stopping completely starting on 9/30 and ended up missing a day and a half of work and then giving up. I know I did not taper slowly enough prior to jumping and it was my own fault i failed. Now my husband is giving me pills each day and I am down to two 10/325 per day. I split them in half and space out. This weekend I will go down to 1.5.  At least i have not taken anymore OxyCotin.  He is being supportive but does not understand why it is so hard. I explained that I have been taking pills for 4 years, sometimes as much as 120mg OxyContin and 2-3,10/325 per day.  It just ***** that they are in my house and I need to be really focused so that I never fall into this mess again. I am going to meetings and that helps, and of course everyone here. I really wanted the jump to work but I could not handle the withdrawals and my job and it is our last quarter and we have a lofty goal to hit.  Also, my husband has been having new and different pain and I have had to care for him and my 5 year old boys.  He will have his first hip,replacement next month. Just so much going on...but I am really trying to taper down and finally kick these pills to the curb.  I keep spacing them out further and it seems to be getting easier.  You folks are all just so awesome and your support is a gift.

[Junip]

Thanks so much! And you are absolutely right, I do not know that he can ever have them someplace accessible to me.  He did say he was tired of finding hiding spots and i get it; but he will just have to lock them up.  Gotta admit, he must have gotten really creative because I used to always find them but not this time (thankfully).  Your comments about asking someone to sponsor me make me feel better and I will do it. In the group i go to there are only two women and about 15 men so limited options but one of the women has been really warm and helpful. It will be interesting, part of my job includes speaking in front of large groups of people educating them on various financial planning topics and I HATE public speaking and always felt more confident and relaxed with my pills as a crutch...my first one sans any meds should be terrifying!  

[clean_in_ks]

Girl....you have such a great attitude!  And no it isn't silly to feel shy about asking her.....it's uncomfortable...but it won't be once you get r done.
Anytime I risk making myself vulnerable (since getting clean)....it is uncomfortable because I am afraid of getting hurt.  But it's a GOOD thing to do to ensure a successful recovery walk...and you will bond to her in a way like no other.  She has already walked a mile or two in your shoes, so she knows how you feel.

I was going to "ditto" MsDelight.....hope you can find a fool proof safe (not one with a key) for your hubby now and get those pills locked up.  I can tell you for sure, I had a nose like a hunting dog....and no matter where my hubby hid pills...I ALWAYS, always found them.  It will help SO MUCH to know they are locked away from you.  You said maybe later you could have them out in the open and see them but I've got to tell you at over 2 yrs clean...a script bottle can still set off a crazy craving in me so I like them OUT OF SIGHT.....I have shared this trigger with my hubby and while he doesn't understand...he respects my wishes and doesn't leave pill bottles sitting around (and his aren't even addictive meds)..Hahaha!

Keep posting....let us know how you're doing, ok?

[Junip]

Thank you everyone! He had a lockbox (code and key) but it must have broke because he isn't using it now. I will definitely buy him a new one because I DO find myself looking for the pills here and there.  Last time he let his guard down because he thought I was doing better and left the oxy in his drawer I started taking them again and had to start all over. I can easily admit that I don't trust myself.  I definitely want to slay this beast though, I HATE my life being consumed by pills. I am a successful professional and a great mom and i do not want to risk any of that. It's amazing how people think I have it all together and I know inside it's quite different.  I am fortunate that I have been a highly functioning addict but I am an addict nonetheless. I have a great deal of stress in my life due to my husbands condition and the demands of my twins and stepdaughters but popping pills is not the way to cope with it. I have lost about 15 pounds from stress and lack of appetite over the past few months and so I think I will make exercise and health my new addiction and go for some awesome abs ;-).  I do not have a sponsor yet but have someone I would like to ask. To be honest, I feel shy about doing it...is that silly?  You are all just so inspiring and feel like family.

[jifmoc]

Yay for you jumping! And I second MsDelight about the lock box. Someone else on here has that same situation, is doing that, and it's working for them.

So post away!:)

[msdelight]

Hi junip I'm so proud of what you have accomplished so far. You are on the right track with the meetings and tapering, and your attitude is excellent. I think you are ready to jump anytime now. You may want to time it properly so you can be at home while w/d is new and acute. Perhaps stop Thursday, work Friday, and spend day 2 and 3 at home.  At least by day four you will be used to the flu like symptoms and getting out to work on Monday or Tuesday will be a welcome distraction.  I worked from day 3 on, and though it was a struggle it was doable. I have a suggestion from one addict to another (my doc was percocet too) could you get your hub a lock box for his meds? One with a combination that you don't know?  Not having any access to pills help spell success. Since they must be in the house this may work for you. Anyway good luck, keep posting and I swear, you CAN do this!

[Merri123]

Ok you are doing good. Now you need to start cutting more. You split them in 1/2 right? Cut 1/2 a pill at a time. I found that night time was the best. So take 1/2 before bed. If you wake up do not take another 1/2. Roll over and go back to sleep. You will find you can make it through the night.

I would try to go 6 hours between. And add an hour each week. When I got to one pill a day I started taking 1/4 at a time. At that point you can just stop much easier. You'll still deal with some RLS and aching but baths and tight knee socks help a lot. May have some sleep issues but that passes too.

You can do it.

[Junip]

Thank you so much everyone!  I definitely want this DONE sooner than later and am going to jump now.  It should certainly be better than last time as I has slipped back to taken Oxy previously on top of the Percocet.  Unfortunately, my husband is permanently disabled and being treated by pain management so the meds are his and will not be leaving any time soon. He had OxyCotin 80mg, 60mg and Percocet...hence my constant battle. However, I told him he had to hide them because I will take them if I see them. I really need to be clean for an extended period before he can stop doing that.  I truly appreciate the support and advice and will keep you all posted!

JJ

[Sonrissa]

Hi Junip.  Congrats on your tapering.  I know from personal experience how difficult it can be. When I got to 2 pills (10-325) per day, that is when I jumped off. My withdrawals were mild compared to what I had been through before. It was Definately do able. I just wanted to get it over with and be done. For me, continuing to drag it out, just made it worse for me physically and mentally. You may want to consider jumping at this point.

Either way, we will of course support you. Please keep posting. Take care, stay strong and focussed on your goal. All the best!

[gnarly_1]

Hi im with jifmoc you already did as much damage control as you can  if it where up to me I would just jump and get it over with coming off of 2 wont be that bad...try not to read to much into it unfachnetly there is no ''get out of jail free card'' you will feel withdrawals no mater how you do it  but again 2 pills a day is not much...we will support you ether way  keep posting for support we all want to see you get Well
................................................Gnarly.................................

[jifmoc]

Hey there. You sound determined. Yay that you go to meetings. Do you have a sponsor? Does she know bout your taper?

Also, and Gnarly gets the credit for this one: withdrawl is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental. So many freak themselves out before they even start. Two 10/325 per day is really not much at all: why not just jump and get it done? Going down to 1.5 is really not gonna do much. I'm sure you know people have jumped at way more than you and they were okay.

Also a day and one half in is when we start really feeling the wds, we just have to ride it out. Yes, it sux. There is no getting around it, unfortunately. Knowing that there are pills in the house is a huge obstacle. First thing peeps say here is get rid of ALL temptation. Can you get rid of em? Can your hubbie be in charge of them?

Good luck and keep posting.