only 30 hours in CT and it's hitting me hard,

[klare_delune]

I'm really trying to be done with OC's. I seriously messed myself up good with them.I''m only 30 hrs in and my legs and hips hurt bad already. I did some research before hand and am trying to follow the Thomas recipe, got a heating pad and took a sedative but can not sleep. Is it really going to get worse? I know to expect diarrea and have immodium ready....anything else you guys can think of? As if this isn't bad enough I have kids to take care of and a husband that just thinks I'm coming down with the flu...no room for down time. I feel like I'm already going to fail. idk if I can do this, stay married, and function in my life.

[justneedtotalk]

Welcome......I can relate heavily to your situation.....My wife is a very conservative RN nurse and I have a two year old daughter....My wife has never had a drop to drink in her life and has zero addictions.  I tried to detox hundreds of times and each time I failed because I tried to do it without telling anyone....work, wife, and friends.  Gnarly, IBKleen, and others on this site wrote very similar comments and I did not listen.....FINALLY, I broke down and told my wife and a couple of trustworthy friends.  I was terrified that my wife would pack up her stuff and leave and I would lose everything.....I finally broke down and told her and much to my suprise she was relieved.  She knew that I had some kind of issue and she thought I was cheating or did not love her anymore.....She was so relieved that I had a problem and it didn't have anything to do with her.  I then went out and completely eliminated all abilities to get pills....In your case your friends and doctor need to be told.

One of the biggest concepts YOU HAVE to get into your brain is that this addiction is as serious as cancer.  You need to treat as such....The longer you let it go untreated the closer to death you will come!  You need counceling and treatment to get yourself to the right place with this disease.  It is exactly that....a disease and it is your fault that you abused pills but it is not your fault that you have this disease.  Secrets keep us sick is what members on this site have told me over and over and until I finally realized that I cannot do this on my own in the shadows I stayed sick!  I have completely eliminated all sources for pills, I have told my wife and a few friends, I have looked into AA and NA and hope to make it to a meeting today.  I have seen a drug and alcohol councelor.  I know that this disease will kill me some day if I did not take action now!  There was a post yesterday about a gentlemen that did not know his wife was on pills and she overdosed and died.  They were a middle class family and there were no signs that he could see just like your husband.  People think that this kind of thing will never or can never happen to you but it does everyday!  Please......do yourself a favor and come clean with your family.  Come clean with your doctor....It is going to be humiliating, humility is what makes us stronger but you NEED HELP.....It is so easy for me to relate to your situation because I lived it exactly and I know that you are afraid and hurting right now but you need to treat this like it is......Good luck and keep posting!  God Bless!

[klare_delune]

Thank you Gnarly. I know Everything you said is 100% true. I know I'm just prolonging the inevitable but I do not have understanding supportive family. I feel so sick and extremely depressed right now and don't want to deal with the tough stuff right now. I have found a couple NA meetings close by & plan on going as soon as the worst of the wd's subside. I know I HAVE to get there and go regularly or I'll never make it. Maybe I sound like a ****** person but if if have to deal with the truth & all of them right now I will use.

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum......we get a lot of people that want to keep this a secret wile they detox we think we have everybody fooled around us that where fine when where higher then a kite believe me the only ones where fooling is our selfs this desiese will lye to us for us it is cunning and baffiling powerful and will make you do things you never thought you would do
bet in a million yrs you never thought you would be buying pills off the street but here you are
the first part of recovery is telling everyone in our family's theirs a problem they my get pi ssed but most familys as a general rule we see here pull together rather then apart addiction is a desiese it is treatable I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your still going to be an addict even after you detox and anyone will telll you here its harder to stay xlean then get clean
the biggy here is our secrets keep us sick....is one more way we manipulate the situation
you need to tell family so they can support you to get the help your going to need to stay clean we often recommend N/Aor A/A because there free and the programs work if you work them ...please think long and hard about what your doing you may be able to pull off a 4 or 5 day detox but how you going to pull off going to meetings to stay well your family is going to have to be on board I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[klare_delune]

Thanks Dave. I'm trying to stay positive and look at this as the worst flu I've ever had. I keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel but I know from "dry spells" in the past that the worst is yet to come & I'm afraid of losing my  confidence then and going right back to where I was.

[klare_delune]

That's exactly  what I'm afraid of. but I take really good care of them, ESPECIALLY when I'm high. I'm a highly functioning addict which is why I liked it so much. Babies are born addicted to  drugs and still go home with their moms. idk, guess I'm just gonna have to deal the hard way.

[halstead124]

  good luck to ya i just went threw it im on 7 day finally feelling better the biggest problem i had this and hope last time was sleeping besides hurtin the sleeping part was hardest part try to get as much as possible i know its hard with kids im sure you wont have to many problems you seem preety confident in dealing with it,good luck,dave

[klare_delune]

Yeah Chuggy, I posted on your page. We all need support. I feel alone too but at least you have you're wife to help even if she is pissed. I'm pretty much eff'd when I tell him the real deal.

[chuggy]

sorry i no it wasnt for me but if you tell your doc he could well tell child services on your behind coz it was bort on the street on the other hand wot kind of doc dont want to help someone in need its your call id be very careful doin that thow i feel for ya hang in there..

[klare_delune]

can I call my doctor if I have been buying it on the street?????? My doc started prescribing percocet and flexaril to me last Feb for back problems and the pain got too intense during PT so I turned to some people I knew for the OC's. IDK  who to get help from. My family is absolutely not supportive, because I am a mother and what kind of person am I to pop pills with kids, and I'm pretty sure this is the last straw for my husband, he see's things the same way as my family.

[chuggy]

i no wot your goin through im ment to be takein care of my wife and child workin etc but im not 27 odd hours into WD from ALOT of pain meds im so sick im layin here thinkin should i go to the hospital at lest thay might be able to stop the pain and the sick/runns etc my wife is pisst i couldnt hide it thow i think we spoke b4 if theres anythin i can do let me no i need everyone i can get as i feel very alown... dont give up thow do it for your kids i hope your husband helps you out in the comein days as i hope my wife dose but i bet she dont give me a easy time :( and i was on over a 1000mg of mixture everyday

[ZumaSun]

but let me add to the last post that you can beat it. Hang in there.

[ZumaSun]

Check out Clonidine for opiate withdrawal (not Klonopin) and then call your doc, break-down, and tell him/her your problem. It is very tough to do with responsibilities. Anyway you can get someone to take care of the family? Pray a lot.