opiate relapse

[symbiotic]

ok, im an opiate addict,have been since my late teens. i started with vicodin and after several years it progressed to oxycontin to finally dilaudid, 6 years ago i went into a methadone clinic and spent 5 years trying to get off of that and finally about 18 months ago i cut my dose from 100mg to 50mg and 2 weeks later down to 30mg and i quit. i went to a psychiatrist and she gave me some codeine to ease with the withdrawals and it was tough but i did it! i withdrawaled for weeks and weeks and for 15 or 16 months i stayed clean BUT i relapsed about 3 months ago with dilaudid,which i have a terrible weakness for because of the rush. anyway immediately i knew i was in trouble and im having a hell of a time getting away from it! the withdrawal is horrible and i have to work to support my family so ive put it off as long as i can, i took last week off to try and quit and i didnt use dilaudid for several days, i had 18 vicodin 5mg and i tried to kick with them but it didnt take so ive used just a few dilaudid and now ive got some more vicodin(35-5mg pills) and im attempting to quit again, i dont have any support because it seems everyone thinks i should be able to kick this in 2 or 3 days but the withdrawal goes on and on and on and even after a week i was still in heavy withdrawal so i used but that was saturday and ive only done 3 or 4 pills since then and i was on that many a day. BTW they are the abbott 4mg ones. so my question is can i do it with the vicodin? i refuse to go back on methadone cause i want to be clean soooooo bad!! i just want to get back to where i was 12 weeks ago so has anyone had any experience with dilaudid addiction? please ! no judgement,im not a bad person i take very good care of my family,ive never stolen anything to support my habit ever! i havent sold drugs to support my habit! its just that a lot of really stressful things was going on when i made the stupid mistake of using again,theres no excuses for it but i was at a very weak point at that time and methadone left me with no energy and lots of depression even after a year and a half! im miserable as hell,and i hate myself for using again because besides the methadone that the clinic gave me i didnt use at all for 7 years. so im very ashamed to even post this,but besides a methadone forum i used while i was on methadone i have no support! my mother who was a very mean alcoholic for years and years and finally quit now stands on a pedestal and believes this is only a "psychological" thing and last week she just got mad and said"dont you just wish you was dead" after supposedly trying to help me and my wife really dont care either way as long as it doesnt affect her so im on my own basically and i know i probably deserve all this for using again but damn its hard and im just backed in a corner here so any advice will be appreciated! sorry for the long post,i guess i needed to vent!
thanks

[IBKleen]

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[worstmistakeever]

I had quit and been clean for 4 days when i messed up and took just 1 (5 mg hydro)..wish i would not have done it now cause after 4 days of nothing..hell just one 5 mg hydro was not gonna do anthing for me after abusing them for prolly 8 yrs but my ? Is will there be any setbacks or start overs like wd's?... and btw. i would take 20 5's a day easy...i don't think it will hurt anything..but idk..

[symbiotic]

thanks 4 posting back so quick guys! well i cant sleep so ill post back a little more info. the major difference and the major problem is that im slamming the dilaudid and the new ones are stronger than the old K4 made by knoll, ive done H back in the day a litttle but these are better but they dont last long,4 hours max. when i first started 3 months ago i was doing from 5 to 10 a day somedays,week b4 last i was doing 3 a day and then last saturday i stopped,tried to get into a bunch of rehabs with no luck. i tried to llike work my way down,got a few oxys and then switched to the vicodin all last week,but was still just as sick as if i hadnt missed a day. so saturday i done 2 dilaudid's ,i just couldnt handle it anymore! sunday i got a few morphne 30s they helped because they lasted longer but could only get the few so monday i done 1 dilaudid and 2 day i bought 3 but the first one got screwed up in the needle(common occurence) so i didnt get well! and then about 2pm i was trying to work like that and i broke a piece off one and did it,didnt help much so i got  a little over a half of one for the morning because every morning is living hell! then i plan on taking about 20mgs of hydrocodone but i dont know if that will keep me well enough to function. for some reason i have a very fast metabolism so i get sick quick always have so where most people dont get sick for 24 to 72 hours im there in 12! and what really sux is the pills have went from 20 bucks to 35 now because of recent busts in the area and i didnt work last week so i just cant afford it so i got a script for the vicodin by some amazing luck,but my wife got em and she cant figure out if she wants to let me have them or use them herself just for kix, cause soon as she got em for me she started having "back pain" and her back is mesed up but she hasnt had a script for them for like a year so if she keeps screwing with me ill probably just give em back! i know im just ranting,but im so effing miserable! if it wasnt for my kids i would just leave and go to myrtle beach or somewhere,because everybodys mad because i cant fix this instantly! and God knows im trying but i just cant seem to just wake up and ignore the hell i feel inside,last tuesday my sister told my mom if i came to south carolina i could get into a rehab there and they would treat me with subox or something but that wasnt true,we drove all the way down there and then when i couldnt get in it was like ,well we tried so now your on your own and somehow all my meds ended up in a trash can at a rest area and i didnt figure it out til i got home so i freaked,not mean but upset, i cried more that night than i have since i was a child and thats when my mom said that $hit about me wishing i was dead. i went back to the rest stop and luckily they hadnt dumped the trash so i got my meds back but at that point everybody was like f..k it! he can do it wthout rehab we did what we could and yeah thats cool but how can i need rehab one day but by the next day i should be fine,back to work,happpy as hell! simply because my sister who also got all pissed because i relapsed,even though 2 weeks b4 that she had her first baby at 38 and had complications and i was there by her side all the way through it,bonded with my little niece but now that she found out i relapsed she wont answer the phone or call me back! i could understand if i was some crazy,thieving addict but nobody could even tell i was using and i didnt ask for no handout,i just wanted some help! well this has turned into another long post and im just ranting so i should stop now. thanks for the support and advice,you dont know what it means to me that someone actually gives a damn enough to reply!  thanks!

[worried878]

dialaudid is a narctoic nothing scary just a strong narcotic that can be tapered or CT..u have hydros and dilaudid....u need to choose one to taper with/or u could intermix them in a taper...hydros may work best  if u pm me i can elp...let me know exactly how many of each u take and when u want to quit

[addictiveme]

I am currently in withdrawal from Suboxone.   I had been on suboxone for a nasty heroin habbit for about 6 months.  1 month ago, I decided to quit.  Main wd's from Suboxone last 7-10 days.  Most the of the physical wd are gone by day 8, but then it's all mental from there.  The last time I quit I made it, only to relapse again!  I have been using for the last month, and now I'm on day 5 of wd's  To answer your question about the Vic's I have detoxed off Suboxone with Vic's the last time, and again this time.   This is very tricky however, as it's very important NOT to become addicted to those.  My way of detoxing from Subox has been to take nothing for the first 3 days, then 2 5mg vics at night for day 4, 5, 6 and 7, then stop everything all together.  I don't take anything during the day, only at night, and only 2 of the 5 mg pills.  I would be careful with the amount of vics that you have, this will certainly cause you just as much pain when you get off the vics.  

I understand your situation.  I work a full time job to support my family, and only was able to take off 4 days this time.  I can't keep doing this to myself, and I am truly do feel that I have had enough.  I don't know much about dilaudid except that they are very potnent.

You're never alone in your struggle.  Look up!  This will all be over as soon as you know it, you know what your life felt like while you were clean for that 1.5 years.  You can easily get back to this point.  Just get this next week or so out of the way, and keep thinking positive.  

I hope this helps.  You may consider going the Suboxone withdrawal way, but I warn you, make sure that you due a quick detox, do NOT do a mantainence program, for any longer then 1 week.  Suboxone can be very effective for short term detoxing.  

Are you really ready to stop is the big question?

You are a good person, don't let this addiction change who you are, suck it up, you'll make it.

[tuptup]

I can relate to relapse!  In my opinion, I would try hard not to go back to the methadone.  At least you do have some 5mg hydros to taper with, although, I can understand that in this situation,  this would be like tapering from Herion with codine, hence the hydros probably won't help all that much.  Maybe cut the remaining dilaudid pills in half and use them when you absolutely have to get through the withdrawals.  Since dilauid is pretty short acting,  you may want to also find a suboxone doctor in this case to ease the withdrawal if you have insurance.  Many people perfer suboxone over methadone, sub also has it's pro's and cons however, but is way better than coming off methadone!  Just my 2cts....!  

[road2recovery]

I dont' know anything about dilaudid, or methadone..Sorry, but i wanted to post to you and wish u luck..I am so sorry you have no support and can't beleive your mother said something like that, and have been there before...Hopefully someone can help you here...
god bless
r2r

[Mandapanda17]

since you were clean for a while before maybe the withdrawal won't last as long? I guess you could taper the vics, the ones you have and don't take anything stronger than that. sorry no one alse has responded...this'll bump it back up to the top. good luck!