just looking for support and advice

[thisisgonnahurtlikehell]

somehow, in what seems like a completely bizarre and random way, i've become an alcoholic.  i'm 30.  and a grad student.  in undergrad, and through most of my 20s, i was just a social drinker; nothing more.  never an issue.  i smoked, and quit.  but, i suppose, in general, i've always had problems with moderation (can't have a few diet cokes, must have a dozen, or not a bowl of oatmeal, but 5).  about, hmmm, 4 years ago i developed an eating disorder.  and a problem with alcohol followed.  i'm doing well with the eating disorder, but the alcoholism has spun out of control, particularly this past year.  i can't believe how much i drink now.  i had to go to the hospital a few months ago because of what we explained away as a major panic attack (sweating profusely, hands/feet/face locked up painfully).  but the doctor took blood and said i was completely drunk, and had very low potassium levels.  awful.  so embarassed.  couldn't stop apologizing to the doctors and my husband.  thought that was rock bottom.  then drank again.  spent 3 days on my couch trying to detox (taking little bits) but scared the **** out of me again.  i felt like i couldn't breath.  
at this point, i want to quit, and i think i'm really ready.  i have to save my life and career goals.  but i'm too embarassed to tell anyone.  i'm on antidepressants and have ativan, as everyone believes i'm depressed and have anxiety issues.  so, i'm trying to self detox.  i've researched this and i know the dangers.  i'm frightened.  but, i'm going to try weaning and using the ativan.  and will begin to go to AA.  this seems reasonable, right?  i've seen a few posts where people have been successful.  if you are one of them, and have any advice, i'd appreciate it.
i know this isn't much of a question.  i just really needed a place where i could say all this.  and maybe get support.   i'm too afraid to be honest about it with those around me.

[j34]

Strong Suggestion don't switch one drug for another, Face the withdrawals and recover.Covering up the symptoms of one with another only gives you different problems. Go to dr and ask for help and specifically ask for a non narcotic alternative(if they feel any is necessary )Do not quit cold turkey if you are drinking heavily,you will have seizures and could possibly die!!Discuss this with dr !!"""none of us are drs""" .I gave you the message of recovery after you stop and are stablilzed up above.

[luppygirl]

Were drinking excessively every day? Or just sometimes.  Or not excessively but drank everyday.  I ask this because it does make a difference when you are trying to stop.  Ativan does help when quitting drinking.  And also making sure you are not dehydrated.  alcohol dehydrates and that can cause heart palpitations, sweating, shaking and even passing out.  So if you have drank make sure to have gatorade or something like that.  I know from experience that when you feel crappy like that you solve it by taking another drink and that nasty cycle begins again.  So before reaching for that drink take and ativan and get yourself rehydrated.  Try not to take to much ativan because it is also addictive but it is important to take when getting off alcohol.... Good luck and all the best and keep fighting the good fight.

[j34]

Welcome for sure just wanted to tell you you are not alone okay!! This can be done,If i did it so can you.I did it through aa and na and then working the program which means taking the suggestions and working the 12 steps of the program. the first gift I got from the program was the obsession was removed!! Just keep going and somebody you will click with. Keep an open mind and give yourself the best gift of all FREEDOM,Blessings to you and I hope you stick with it. I wish I could say it was easy but you have to WANT it and be willing to go to any lengths to get it. When I first went boy that room was plenty hot and it all sound like a different language,but I just kept at it and today when I walk in a room of NA or AA I feel great at home loved,comfortable and they are actually happy to see me. Where else can you go and tell them you are an addict and they are happy you are there? This was the solution for me I needed to follow the path of sobriety by people who had gone before me and now are showing me the solution to my problem which quess what it was.....ME. I really hope you find a great sponsor (somebody who will help you) in the program and find the relief that I have today and the happiness and also I don't have the huge crushing feeling anymore in the middle of my chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How great is that .

[thisisgonnahurtlikehell]

thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and offering sound advice.  never thought an online community could be so supportive and helpful in such a situation.  i've made a dr appointment for next week and will be honest with her.  but, i am continuing to try and ween/use atavan.  so far, so good.  relatively.  the insonmia is tough, but i have sleeping meds that help.  atavan is good for the shakes and panic attacks.  the hardest part for me has been the amazing mood swings.  truly amazing.  so, we'll see.  there are moments when i'm excited; i can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  can't wait till those moments are full days!  and i hope i can do this on my own.  i don't mean to ignore your advice.  i suppose i'm simply a coward.  i'm more terrified of what such a revelation would do to my life; the consequences of it.  but thank you for still giving me a place to talk through this.

[Annick444]

How much and what are you drinking? I know that feeling of having lied to everyone and having no idea how to get around it. I drink as well, but I don't even know how much is way too much. (I'm also on serious medication.)

[bethie50]

i'm a nurse and let me tell you.... you need to go to some kind of rehab or get to the hospital to detox off of alcohol. i've seen some pretty nasty things from people coming off alcohol. if you go to the hospital they'll be able to supervise and watch your vital signs and control your symptoms. librium is a drug i've given alot for people that have come in detoxing. plesase do not try to do this on your own very scarey lots of things that need to be watched for by trained professionals.

[goldenarm]

Most long term drinkers need librium or valium for  siezure aspect of the alcohol abuse, as that is what ive seen while detoxing off heroin in a county facility.The Drs there gave that to the clients Go see a Dr for this , IM certinaly not a DR and im not tellling you to take any meds without a Dr, but i recomend going to one and leveling and get the help you need, that is what they are there for,You can do this, Millions have, Yes millions..

[jillian6]

I don't drink but I  was taking fioricet and abusing it for a long time.  I finally decided I wanted it to stop and though I have gotten off before, I could never stay off very long.  I opted to tell my doctor - she knew I had a problem in the past but thought it was over.  It was hard and embarassing to tell the truth yet again but now I'm glad I did.

I didn't want to wreck my marriage or destroy my children, and I was when I was taking pills - same thing with drinking.  Because what I was taking was a barbituate, I knew I had to seek medical advice b/c stopping CT can cause seizures.  If you have a good doctor, be honest and get the  help you need.  Panic attacks are horrible - I get them too.  Saving your life, marriage and career is the most important thing you can do for yourself.  It is far from easy and I am only beginning to learn how to  live without pills - but I know I'm doing the right thing for me.  Just make the appointment and tell yourself you are doing this for you - that's how I did it.  I got the first appointment I could so I couldn't talk myself out of it.

[kim715]

My husband is a recovering alcoholic.I am not trying to frighten you more,but detoxing on your own without medical supervision after long term alcohol abuse is extremely dangerous.You risk seizures and other serious medical complications.My best advice to you would be to please seek some type of medical intervention to help you through this.There is nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about.You have a problem and you realize it,you've admitted it to yourself and to us here and you need help to stop.Theres nothing wrong with asking for help.Keep posting.....All the best...Kim

[outotown]

I dont know too much bout drinking, so I really dont have any advice but stay on here and you are and will be welcome no one will judge you you can say whatever you need to, and all will support and love you. Good Luck Keep Posting and im sure you will find some great help here.

[beatingthis]

Just coming here is a start. Hang on there or some great people on here that have been through the same. They will write. I don't drink but I justed wanted you to know you are in the right place.

T.

[scaredmom330]

First let me say, Welcome! you have come to the right place. I don't know much about Alcoholism but it is still earlier, there will be more on later to help you. you will met some wonderful people here, we do not judge you just give you the support you need. take care and keep in touch.

scared mom