percocet addiction

[GMcp]

hi,
i read these forums alot lately but figured im so far into my problem i need advise for my own issue. so my messed up drug problem is this, for the past 6 months ive been being prescribed percocet for a disease i may or may not have, my gyno is sure i have endometrioses (sp) i have a laproscopy set up for april 11th its coming up and im having sleepless nights about it because i am so scared of surgery's ive had 3 really horrifying surgery's in the past that were scary i almost died during 1 and stopped breathing after the second and was abused by a nurse so these bad experiences are freaking me out mabie thats why im abusing my med's just so i can stop thinking about it because well it works! so my doctor gives me a new script every 3 weeks for about 60 and i run out way to soon, so i go to the hospital and they can give me 12 and i always make those last till the next visit, but theres alot of sickness from withdrawal during the last week before new script is prescribed.
i decided a few times that i want to just stop, but whats the point i know ill be taking them again after the surgery and the gyno says there could be a number of surgery's after this laproscopy (sp) i dont know how to spell that sorry.so my 3, 5mg pills a day is SO NOT enough to get me through the pain in a day and thats what my family doc wants me to take but i take about 6-10 right now and i will be out 2 weeks before my next appointment. this is why i want to stop taking them but i just cant stop thinking about the withdrawal and then just getting hooked on them again next month. what i want to do is try and make my doc understand i need more pain control and just not worry about all of this on top of the surgery coming up and so what if i get hooked for now as long as the pain isnt there and deal with it when they fix my disease, the gyno also says they will have to cut out a bunch of scar tissue inside me from my last botched surgery's from the past (another reason for all this pain) so it sounds like theres going to be alot of pain that is not being controlled properly.
i have 3 young children at home im trying so hard to take care of them and when im medicated properly im a wonderful mother but days i try to get through with just Tylenol im moody and grumpy and in so much pain i get angry and it scares my poor babys so i want to stay on them but at the same time i feel like there taking my life over, i dont know if i should just stick with this stress of becoming a drug addict or if i should quit all together when the pain starts to get really bad after not taking the pills go into the hospital and see if i can get the surgery sooner to speed up the process or what? i dont know what to do i dont even know if i wrote this out good enough for who reads it to understand what im saying im just a ball of emotions right now and honestly i want to just die, and the other thing is i cant believe how many doctors i have told that the pain gets so bad i get to the point where i just want to die and they DO NOTHING! i dont understand the health care system im so honest with them and they treat me like a small animal or something, no one cares and i dont even really care if they care about me, but my children are suffering from this now to! i need help and i have searched and searched for medical support and i got nothing, so any kind of advise would be greatly appreciated  

[GMcp]

"brave" i never thought i would be called that but thank you bella :) my daughters name is bella <3

[GMcp]

i know, i think im just struggling with the fear of being addicted and the withdrawal  again, and i wanted to just stop all together and find something else but like my surgeon and gyno said its 3 more weeks, lets just get through that and then start coming off so thats what im doing,

[hiskidd]

Ok:) Just be safe! If it's what you need now, that doesn't sound at all like abuse, and I'm still figuring out what dependant means:) Just remember your first post on this thread in case you see your dose going up up up. You kicked for 8 yrs so when the time is right, you'll know. Prayers.

[GMcp]

i know all about endo hun, and like i said in my very first post its not an actual diagnoses (yet) there is more going on, because of me previous botched surgery's i had infection after infection that wrecked all my insides, it is very painful and the hole 10-1 pain scale is the stupidest thing i have ever heard its either you can take it or you cant,its as easy as that thank you lol. and its scar tissue and nerve damage that makes it painful all the time then wen i get my period i go nuts with the pain so yep, please dont tell me my pain control isnt worth it, because honestly you have no idea what your taking about....

hi hiskidd,
yes my doctors all know my past so thats why there watching my intake so carefully they know i need the pain control but they just dont wanna give me to much wich i have decided is a good thing now, i know i was feeling the doc thinks its ok, so it should be ok, but in a ways its not, but again if i didnt have them id be completely outa service to my kids. i tried not taking them when they offered at first months and months ago, i tried every non narcotic pain med and they worked for only so long to the point a cyst grew 10 cm and bursted and was hospitalized for days, after that hospital trip was when they started me on the perks

[hiskidd]

Did you tell the doctor about your addictive past and present? If not, I think you should shoot straight. There are other non-narcotic avenues the doc may have presented. I see two doctors on Monday, and am going to confess to both what I've been going through with oxy. OTHERWISE, I (and many on here) say to myself, "Well, my doctor thinks it's okay, so I'm okay." That's what got me here in the first place :(

Sometimes (most times) you're going to have to take care of yourself more than the doctors.

Lastly, I'm happy that you're happy and encouraged to be able to get this past you. You will be fine!

[worried878]

endometriosis is painful/for most it is not a 10 on the pain scale but uncomfortable for sure....I had it and didnt know what it was until they did surgery...I was eaten up with it but never even offered a pain pill for it previously?  This was before my addiction for a neck issue that ended up causing me to have surgery for metal plates placed in my neck
I am not sure your gyno is handling this correctly but if it is endometriosis, surgery will cure it or Depo-provera to stop your periods.  Endometriosis only hurts when u bleed as uterine tissue is misplaced outside of your uterus in body cavities where blood is not supposed to occur/hence when u have a period, these pieces of tissue bleed that are misplaced..if it is endo/it should not hurt constantly

addiction is not worth something that can so easily be taken care of...the surgery is a simple one lasting 30 minutes or less through a small hole in your umbilicus....if surgery frightens u...get on Depo....addiction to pain pills for this  very common affliction is just not worth it

[GMcp]

so, saw my surgeon today she wants me to stay on the percs for a few more weeks and said to help with the pain shes going to inplant this thing in my stomach, and i said ok, and she said since i dont have coverage its going to be 500 bux, i was like WOOO no way then cant afford that..... SO SHE GOT ME ONE! so soon i will be able to get through this with a bonus of no more pain on top of it, i feel happy right now :)

[GMcp]

i like that! thank you,
yup i got your note thank you i sent you one back :)
im holdin ok, i go and see my surgen today to talk to her about this
i hope it goes good, im nervous but trying to stay calm
xo

[hiskidd]

How are you holding up? I dropped you a note to say I hope you are sleeping :)

I'm praying for your worry. Don't fret right now. Did you hear the great quote from Michael J. Fox? Sitting with an interviewer late last year with wrestling his disease just to get answers out, he said clear as day:

"If you worry about the worst case scenario, and it never happens, you've wasted your time. If you worry and it does happen, well, now you've lived it twice. Live in the now. Celebrate now."

You have it in you to do this. Keep posting!

[GMcp]

ok :) good, thank you again so much <3

[GMcp]

well, i DO want to stop, it just dosnt seem like a smart thing to do at this point with my surgery coming up in 2 weeks, no i dont want to live my life like this at all! i fought so hard from the heroin addiction when i was 22 i have come a long way, now im right back, worse than ever cuz i have kids to take care of, but if i dont take them i am no good a mother ither cuz i cant sit up or walk with the pain form the disease and my kids are better off at this point with me being on pills its sad really, i hope they give me a full historectomy so i never have this problem again, and then im red flaggin myself at the pharmacy! :)

[GMcp]

yes, my boy friend says that i need to keep taking them till after the surgery's, i am just scarred because of my past addiction, honestly i cant believe i quit the" down" all those years ago and now this gets thrown at me, it is evil! im defiantly not abusing them "yet" i know its easy to start, the problem is i need to be taking more, all the doctors ive seen when i go to the hospital say i should be taking 10mg oxy every 4-6 hours but my doctor who is the only one that prescribes it only gives me enough for 5 mg 3 times a day, so i run out so fast even if i take half of what the 8 doctors ive seen going to the emergency have recommended, mabie its a blessing in disguise that my doctor prescribes so little for my disease, and so im grateful in a way cuz mabie the w/d isnt as bad as it could be, but at times i wish it was more, like when im trying to pull my 1 year old outa his high chair and my organs rip and i fall to the floor, oh when im half way to pick the kids up from school and i get this hot pain in my abdomen and fall to the ground in - 30 layin in snow like these are the times im pretty sure i need more, i just want them to do the hole procedure in one go then get better take the pills then omg i just thought if its this bad now s**t its going to be rediculas by the time i am quiting for good! ahhh see its the thoughts and the fears of this hole thing i think my subconscious is tying to off me!

[hiskidd]

:) No problem. You encouraged me just now too. More people will be here soon. No matter what, try to stay positive, and when you need to, check back, and I'm sure they're will be some good words of wisdom, but most of all, care. You matter!

[struggling_college_student]

Hey there, like hiskidd said youll probably get alot more responses later tonight.  Anyways, I really think that if you are in pain then you should take your medication as prescribed.  However if you are abusing them do you have someone you can trust to hold onto them for you and give them to you on a set schedule?  That might be an option while you are waiting for surgery and after as well.  Trust me, if youve only been taking them for 6 months now would be a great time to quit if you are able, I started off taking my prescription of vicodin as prescribed and within a couple years I was up to snorting 300mg/day of oxy.....it quickly gets out of control now matter how much we think we are "in control".  Anyways I quit cold turkey and now have 87 days clean, its hard but its definetly possible!  I really wish you the best, keep posting and reading for encouragement!

Jeff

[sudie58]

hi, try not to panic about your surgeries, just do one day at a time, i know you say "perhaps you dont want to stop" but do you want to carry on like this for the rest of your life? you can get through this, im glad your mother is coming to help you, with the right help you can stop , we can help you too, look after yourself, god bless,  sudie

[GMcp]

thank you so much for that "hiskidd" getting feed back is really nice for me as i have no one to talk to except my ex husband and dont want to talk to him about it anyways... im happy i found this site, honestly i do know alot about w/d from downers, i am 8.5 years clean form a 4 year heroin addiction, it was so bad that i never relapsed not once! never wanted to go through that again never in these 8 and a half years did i once pick up and use, then this happened, and i dont know if its because i have 3 kids now and more responsibility but oh my gosh i swear its worse than coming off of heroin and i was an addict for years and i have only been on percs for 6 months so why is it so bad??  i called my surgeons office they squished me in for an appointment for tomorrow aft thank god, mabie she can help me.
it makes me feel a bit safer know that not only people have gone through this too but people with a family have and are getting through it, that gives me hope, im a mess im 29 years old and i just called my mother balling my eyes out, shes going to try and travel to me to help me get through this, if she did i bet that would make it so much easier.
again thank you so much for posting you dont know how much your words help, mabie its because you have a family too
i hope you are healthy and getting well you sound like an amazing person xo

[hiskidd]

Hey! Thank you for posting on my other thread. Depending on your time region, more people will read your post and respond.

If you read about me getting 41 days clean, I have to say that that the first 20 days were awful. There were a few bright spots, but the stuff about rebuilding your body and brain are true. The endorphins, and neurotransmitters, all true.

I also want to say that one of my most fatalistic thought processes was wondering how I would ever function through the physical pain that I have been diagnosed with. I mean, isn't why the doctor prescribed these in the first place, right? Well, besides trusting what everyone said on here about detox, nutrition, and exercise (walking the treadmill for 20+ minutes a day is fantastic), I found that acupuncture worked every single time I tried it. I was really skeptical, and I don't lean to heavily on the Chi/mystic side of it, but even Western medicine is starting to blend it. My last (and initial) with my pain management doc surprised me because :1. He was thrilled I had decided to get off the pills and said they were too widely prescribed 2. He told me they had an acupuncturist on site.

I say all that to say, don't talk yourself into fearing the pain to the point of staying in the bondage. One day at a time. One hour at a time. I have 3 kids with one on the way. This whole thing is hard on my wife, but one thing everyone keeps telling me is not to give up/look back (to me they are one in the same).

I'll be praying for you today. Keep posting. You're cared for and never bothering anyone. We are here for each other.