I guess I am really slow and much to old to decipher the pcp? Anyway I am not sure what what you asking. If you are tired of the life of pills, I would suggest you just flush down the can and go cold turkey. Many of us have done that. It is not a pleasure going through the withdraws but it can be done. I do know something believe it or not. Not using is wonderful, not worry where the next ones are coming from, not worrying if there is only one more, no limits on travel due to refills or our habit comforter on the corner. Life can be good, fresh, and enjoyable. Little hard to sleep sometimes also. I am glad you have had enough, that is the first step to your new life. You have come to a good place for support, usually always someone here to chat with and being able to talk without holding back is great. I wish you lots of luck with your recovery, if I can help let me know I will be glad too. God Bless Janet
I guess I am kind if holding back a little. This is my first time ever posting on ANY kind of site and I "happened" upon this one and read some some of the other posts. I was relieved to see that a place like this even existed. I'm embarrassed and not many people know that I even take the pills. It's pretty sad, actually. By pcp, I meant primary care physician, the one wjo prescribes them to me. i just didnt know uf thats tje best route, telling your doctor abouy your problem. or like you said, just flush the damn things and deal with it. i certainly dont want a pill to replace these pills, as in suboxone or anything else. for me, it just cant be an option. i want my old life back. i cant belueve its taken this long to realize how unhappy i am. maybe i knew, i just didnt want to admit it bc i still wanted to take the pills. i am very lucky to have come across this site. ive wanted to be able to speak freely for so long about this, but was afraid of what everyone would say. i cant lie, im afraid if the wds and i have to care for my child. im just scared that i wont be able to take care of what i love most. so i guess what i really want to know is what im up against.
By the way, thank you Janet19. I almost forgot my manners in all that gut spilling!
I know how you feel but you must do it safely. My suggestion is that you gradually reduce 1-2 days per day per week, then do the same the following week and so on....I put them in a dosette container and will not allow myself to go into the pill container....So for the first week, reduce to 10, then 8 the following week, then 6, etc......That way, you can get off them safely, if it doesnt work, then speak to your doctor.
I am doing it too. I went through withdrawal purely by accident as I was away on vacation and forgot my medication bag and the local hospital wouldnt give me anything.
Remember, you have a serious medical problem wtih your spine so this didnt happen by accident for the addiction. I have terrible spinal cord pain too so I truly understand.
Good luck my friend! hang in there.......
I will not lie at all, the wd's are terrible, but they are doable even with the little one. We all are afraid of this, honestly they only last 5-7 days and usually the 3rd and 4th the worse and then gradually you begin to feel better. they are like having a case of the flu, you will have profuse sweating, body aches and pains, diarrhea, anxiety, restless legs, insomnia. I would suggest for you with the little one would be to just lay on the couch and watch her. It might be a little difficult but you can do it even with her. Just tell her mommy isn't feeling good. There are some natural substances that can help with the withdraws, you can find that under the health section of this site it is called the Thomas Recipe.
I was hoping you were not talking about the pcp in the drugs lol. I think it is best to tell your doctor, he or she would be able to help some with the wds. There is no reason to be afraid to talk with them, they will be understanding and you are not the first to come addicted to the painkillers. They will react better by telling them, then if they figure it out for themselves. The doc's can be very understanding, and if there is pain which I assume at one time there was, they can help you deal with that in other ways besides opiate pain relievers.
I thought you were leading to something, on her anything can be said. There is probably nothing that has never been said here. I will let you know that being clean is wonderful and everything has new meaning. Smells are fresher, food is tasting good now and not living with head in a fog can let you see how bright the world is. I am sure that is how you want your little one think. She does deserve or he for that matter which is it? anyway they deserve to have all of mommy.
You can do this, we on here all have, and then some are starting. We all have one thing in common and that is we understand each other. No shame, no guilt, just honesty goes a long way. Hooray you did speak up that is the first step. What do you see when you see yourself in recovery?
I appreciate your advice, I do have just one question about the whole suggestion of gradually lowering the dose... when you get to eventually one pill a day , how long do you take one pill a day for? And by reducing the # of pills you take, does that mean you will have less of the wd symptoms when you DO stop? i guess that was more than one question! and all apologies if i ask stuff that seems obvious to others, im trying to do right, but i still am human and im pretty scared after reading some things. but thanks for any help. i need/appreciate it!
If you continue the path you are on with the pills, they may come a day when you cannot care for you child the way would you would like. Eventually we get caught, either by a friend, family member or even the police. Pill popping can lead to some bad choices bringing us to do things that we would not normally do. They do one day catch up with us, trust me. I had to fired from my job and almost lost my marriage from my using pills. I hurt a great many people on my way to sobriety. I hurt myself the most, I did not accomplish everything I wanted to in my life and now I am getting old and I am trying to accomplish some of those small things while I still can. It was hard admitting it all to my family, but by the grace of God they understood and they are still at my side, helping me fight this ugly disease all the way. You can be a luck one right now, get out and start fresh before they drag down and into things that you would never think about doing. You are can do this and you are worth this. If you can taper great, but there will still be some withdraws, usually no way around that. They are bad, but you can make them better by just keeping a positive attitude. You can do this!
Tapering off the pills will more than likely help some with the withdraws. The less amt of opiate in your body should make them milder, but you will more than likely have some withdraws. They are manageable trust me. You had labor you can do this I know you can. We are strong, if you were not strong you wouldn't be popping all those pills in one day. You can do this and all of us here will help you along the way.
I woke up this morning and quickly logged on to this site. I was hoping for some encouragement and surely enough, there it was. Thank you Janet for all your kind but realistic and "cut to the Chase " comments. I am going to start today with the taper method. However, I would like to know that I'm doing it correctly. I would usually take right around 14 pills a day. So I thougt I would go right down to 10 for now. And how long do I do that for? A few days, then reduce again? I also have a concern bc I get a monthly prescription for the pills. Do I just say I no longer want to take them? It's a little unnerving knowing that I could do this and then that date rolls around and it could possibly compromise everything. I just feel like its hanging over my head.... there could be more.... ya know? And as far as my medical problems, CurleyGirl, I think I will just stick with the physical therapy and cortisone injections. Taking these pills is not worth my life or worth my child growing up with a mom who is partially here only. Dear Lord I hope this helps me. I can honestly say I'm going to give
100%. hope everyone has a good day.
I didn't get a chance to read your post before responding, Janet. but I have a son. He is my universe. We are inseparable.
I want this for myself so that I can give him all of me. I feel guilty knowing what I'm doing. I want to be just happy. Nothing needed to get me there. I want to be clear headed and have more energy. I want to live, I guess. I know it will take time, doesn't happen quickly. But we both deserve it. My husband does too. He knows I take them, but has no clue to what extent or that I can't just stop. He is a good man. Takes good care of his family. He deserves to know the truth I guess. I have such huge issues with pride. And is rather try to handle this, if possible, well, parts of it without him. Good god what have I gotten myself into? I seriously feel lost. But, no time for that. I have projects to make with my son and all kinds if errands to run. Atleast ill be busy. Keep my mind off taking pills every 10 minutes.
So the day is coming to an end and I guess so far so good. I started tapering (my first attempt ever at any kind of anything as far as putting the pills down) I usually take about 14 a day, give or take. And my limit today was 10. Im going to call it quits for the night and I'm at #8. It probably was easier for me to take less bc I took so many yesterday and still had a lot in my system, I'm guessing. We'll see what tomorrow brings and I just have to stay focused and positive and remember that its my life and I want it back. I don't want to be a slave to these little terrors anymore. I started taking them for a real medical reason but its just gotten out of control. Weird for me, I'm a control freak! I dream of the day I wake up and don't feel like I have to take them. I know its a long ways away, but I'm hopeful. I look at my child and cry sometimes. I see pictures of us at at family gatherings, having a great time and think to myself, I'm such a loser. I was on something, was that all fake? I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. Hopefully I can do this.
Feeling sad. Wondering if I should just flush them. I'm anxious and just wanting to get it over with.
I'm trying really hard not to over do it today. I got an injection and would love nothing more than to take extra pills. It's so sore afterward. But I'm trying to surround myself with some company to take my mind of it and to help with the little one. It's only day two of tapering. Wish me luck.
Hi! I am just here to encourage you! I never could taper!!!! NO....I mean zero self control. If I had them, they called my name constantly. I admire your trying, but sometimes it just drags the process out. I definitely recommend telling your doctor. That way you cut off your current supply. Now that doesn't mean that you can never get any more pills. I know that!! But....you get honest and accountable and that says something. We can always find pills if we want them, but you need to tell your current doc no matter what.
I wish you luck!!! : )
I tapered and it worked for me but I had lots of support. I told my doctor that I wanted off but felt that my dependense would make it difficult. Told her I had tried and was very ill. We agreed on a taper schedule and then perscribed the right amount in weekly amounts. That kept me honest. She saw me biweekly until I was done. I went down by 2 percs every week until I got to 6. then I went down 1 pill every 4 days until I got to 4 a day. Then I jumped off.
I still had to experience withdrawal but it was much more manageable.
After that we started trying other non-narcotic meds and I have just as much relieve on them. Everyone is different so it might take some time to figure out what works for you.
I could not of done this on my own. I needed the doctor and pharmacist to be successful. If you dont have this support then I recommend cold turkey. Regardless of how you do it you need that help and understanding. And of course..keep posting.
Thanks for the support. I am definitely telling my doctor. i called to try and get mt appt earlier than what its scheduled for (early november) and shes on vacation. but when she returns if there r any cancellations they will call. i def. think it will be safer that way, and i need to be honest and accountable. its been a secret for so long. thats why im so greatful for this forum. my family doesnt even know. and i have a little one to care for. i need to be able to atleast function . my child is only 2 . but in the meantime i will keep slowing down on the pills on my own. i was seriously starting to frighten myself. i would eat them like candy and then pray to wake up in the am. no way to live. thank you for your thoughts though, i really appreciate it and could use the help and support right now.
I honestly have to say since I've started posting on here, its like there's been a little something in the back of my head reminding me that I can do this. I know its not cold turkey, I just can't pull that off right now. But I'm doing what I can and am anxious to get in the docyors office to finally say what's going on. That will be a huge relief. And to not feel like there will be the huge script waiting for me every month is a good thing a temptation and driving force ( in the wrong direction) I no longer want. Usually take about 14-15 pills a day, I'm at # 6 and will hold off til bed. It's been hard and I notice I've been a little grouchy. But I will survive. It's hard when there is physical pain, but I just thought today, if you dont ever feel anything how the he!! Do you know you're alive. Hopefully when I get to the end of tapering I can stay this positive.
Any ideas how to go about the conversation with my doctor. I plan on being honest, yes. But I feel like I don't know how to start the conversation. I'm nervous as all heck and afraid if what will happen. Not about the script being taken away, this is my idea , remember? But I'm a mother. Can the doctor get cps involved over this? My child has never been in danger and is very well cared for despite my addiction. I just want to stop now with the pills before god forbid, there ever comes a time where I can not do what I currently do for my 2 year old. And id like to be 100% focused on him, not him and pills. I'm just scared. He is my world. I would think being honest with the doctor would be a good thing, I just don't want it to backfire on me. Any thoughts would help. And I'm not talking myself out of it, I'm just nervous. I am afterall, human. Thanks everyone.
So yesterday I had my first day, percocet free. I told my husband everything over the weekend. He was wonderful and supportive. Although, he was shocked. He really had no idea I was taking them. He said he noticed mood swings, and I have seemed angry lately, especially. But never knew I was abusing the pills. So on Saturday night we flushed them down the toilet. And let me tell you, that was wonderfully liberating and scary at the same time. I was happy and relieved to have told him and have him on my side, and flushing them was necessary. But in my head I could hear.." WTF are you doing? That's over 70 pills!" I was nervous about the wds, and althoug i didnt want them, that pestering, greedy voice in me was devastated. i cant remember the last time i didnt give in. but im so happy i just decided to get it ovet with. im also happy i tapered, hopefully the wds wont be as bad as when i took 15 a day, steadily. last night i had some serious sweating. a little anxiety:which i just talked mysrelf out of. and it went ok. today i woke up with a giant headache, but so far nothing else. i will keep myself busy, and pray that itll be ok. i know i have a long way to go, but im ready! and i am still telling my doctor i want no more prescriptions. i have an appt friday and am actuaslly looking forward to it. i hope i am doing ok by then!
You will be ok, readynow :) .... breath deeply and keep you mind full of positive thoughts... you are doing the best and there is no turning back, All the best and good luck :)
Thanks laurel. I'm doing all I can to stay positive. It's seems, and I guess makes sense, that things are worse at night. I have less to do as the day comes to an end and my energy level is a little low today. I'm also pretty distracted. I'm finding its taking me longer to do everyday things because ill start something, my mind will go to another idea and ill start something erlse before finishing the first thing. but it could be worse right now so i dont want to complain. i know its only been 2 days but it seems like forever! tonight my legs feel a little crampy, like the feeling you get with a charliehorse,only not full on. ive taken multivitamin/mineral and some advil but thats it. im still eating & drtinking like normal. I know ill be ok. I just have to accept that its not over night. Hope everyone has a good night....... p.s. I don't want to jinx myself, but I'm pretty proud of me! A few weeks ago I would have thought this was impossible. Thanks to anyone who's given encouragement and kind, but honest words. I am grateful. :)
hey, congrats on these 2 days.... at first each day seems a month :) Make sure that you are drinking a lot of fluids to keep you hydrated, this is very important...eat a lot of bananas and tomatoes ( they are rich on potassium ), take those really hot baths when your muscles ache , you will feel much better after one bath... Yeah, nights are really tough....sleep is a "dream" and RLS are at their best but it is doable, ready... so be positive :) ..... oopps, don't forget to have immodium just in case :) and keep posting and telling how you are doing !
@Laurel: thanks so much for your encouragement. i dont think id be where i am without all the help from this site.im trying to follow all the suggestions as far as hot baths, vitamins, bananas, and just being positive. i think willpower is the biggest factor and when i look at my son it makes all of this easier.im doing pretty well today. I do feel a little jittery and slightly nauseous. But I'm drinking some hot peppermint tea- decaf!! and i really do feel better after a hot bath or shower. Thanks for checking in on me! It reminds me that I'm not alone. I hope you have a great day, and ill do my best to do the same!
How are you doing today ? :)
days 3 and 4 are usually the worst so don't get discouraged if you are not feeling very well today , this too shall pass :)