relapsed for 3 days now trying again.

[tryinsohardtokickit]

Im was clean 18 days relapsed 3 and here I am starting over. Just started. Getting sick on my stomach my head and body hurts. What did I do? Im so scared to go thru this again. I have no more time left to be sick and energyless. Nobody knows abt my relapse so they expect me to be feeling normal. I hate this trapped feeling. Damned if I do Damned if I dont! I cant stand being sick and having no energy I absolutly cant stand it! I have to much to get done. Life doesnt stop. I just wanna scream. I really cant take this anymore. So weak and hopless:(

[YesLife4Me]

You are going to feel depressed off and on after wd for a bit.  I know exactly what you mean that you want to quit but you don't think you are ready.  Been there many many times.   Eventually you just get tired of being sick and tired and surrender to the process.  You gotta be ok with not being ok for a little while so you can get back to your happy life.  We didn't get here over nite and so we can't expect to recover overnite either.  Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.  Take it one day at a time.  Make short term goaos that will lead you to your long term goals and celebrate the victories along the way.  Honey I lost my home, my marriage, had to file bankrupcy and lost my credit.  But I am clean!  That means I can start rebuilding my life again.  A new life 4 me!!  You CAN do this.  

[vicki595]

I would tend to agree with you Jordan.  There's what we want and the reality. The other thing is the consideration; addictions are different from person to person. I should say reasons for addiction...and that causes differences in behavior.

Mostly, I agree that this is a process and as long as we're headed in the right direction and don't give up...it's okay.  I think most can get there eventually but not everyone can...that's another discussion...

Tryingsohard-   And you're right...you have to really want this. A normal, happy life is a great goal. It doesn't just happen, however, you need to go after it!   Keep trying, okay?

[JordonNYC]

As I posted in another thread, I think people have it wrong when saying they have relapsed and then beat themselves up.

Being a five to six year addict and only since January deciding to get off this stuff (#12 x 10/325 Vike daily) beating an addiction is long process. IMO the process of staying clean will necessarily include a few days here and there that we drop off the wagon, so to speak. That's reality and just the way it goes.

The key is don't abandon your plan. Stop abusing and definitely don't escalate the abuse.

Consider my intent to taper off, rather than go through a week or two  of WD symptoms. I have been successful, COMFORTABLY reducing daily intake from # 12 daily Vikes to now # 4. Despite how heroic that sounds, in the past three weeks there were some days were I popped #8 pills when my average was then # 5 daily.

Did I beat myself up, consider myself a failure, and abandon my plan. Hell no. I acknowledged to myself that this is not a science and there's no WD plan that fits all. I "dusted myself off" and got back on my plan the next day.

Bottom line: Get back on course and try to stay clean. If that's not possible, at least minimize your intake to where you soon you get back to zero.

Just my opinion, others will differ, I'm sure.

[tryinsohardtokickit]

I took like 30 to 60 mgs daily of oxys. I started going thru the withdrawal getting sick to my stomach today:(. I just dont think Im ready to quit. I guess I dont want it bad enough. I want to quit I know that sounds crazy. I just wanna normal happy life back. My life now when I come down from being high is lonely and depressing. Ive went backwards from being successful having a nice home and vehicle to having a piece of junk to drive and a tiny crammed apt. I dont know Im so stuck dont know how to get out before it gets bad.

[YesLife4Me]

Went back and reread some of your threads and comments and came across this one you posted on day 10:  

I definatly never wanna go thru this again EVER!!! Its like a nightmare I cannot wake up from. Ive been on Vitamins and the L Tyrosine. Im trying to move forward and staying commited. Its hard being alone with kids all day every day. But Ive made it this far. I know I have to remember its going to get better.

What do you think caused you to relapse?   Did you cut all your sources and access?   How much and what did you take?   Sometimes relapse can be a learning experience such as reminding us of the horror of wd as you posted before.   Maybe they won't be as bad this time based on what you took and for how long?