rough day mentally

[random288]

some of you know me and my story about my fiance that is addicted to heroin, I have broken up with him and tried to remain strong, he is in rehab now...he's on day3 well I am having a terrible morning...me being my nosey little self I went on his email and checked it and when I did it came up that he was searching an ex-girl friend from like 10 years ago...they dated back in highschool, I don't know why it is hurting me so much, I guess i expected him to be sad over me while he is in rehab and thinking of me and what he did and how our wedding had to be called off 3 months before because of his addiction,....it makes me sick to think that he would look up an old girlfriend after all these years.  And why in the heck does this rehab place let him on the internet?  whatever, we dated in high school too and just reunited 2years ago, I'm just so hurt to think he would be thinking of someone else and not thinking of me after all he put me through!  ugg sorry needed to vent, could anyone tell me why he might be looking her up?  so weird she is married and they havne't spoken in years.

[random288]

Hi everyone!  Okay so I was totally wrong about him looking up one of his ex's he said years ago when he was in college he had looked her up and still gets emails about it everyone once and I while he always deletes them.  whatever I'm crazy this whole thing has made me totally crazy!  He just got out of his 5 day stint in rehab, I thought he would stay for 10 but something about his insurance so he's doing out patient for a few days.... I don't know what to say  I think he is half assing the whole thing but what do I KNow.

[sammijo]

"She" is the least of YOUR worries hun, if you don't get away NOW, while you still have people that trust you and love you and WANT to help you...DO IT NOW.....if you stick with him...there will be a day that NO ONE will help you or even want you around because they will not trust HIM and then begin to not trust YOU...that really hurts...I PROMISE !!
If you are LUCKY, maybe he will find someone else to tear down and not you, then later we will ALL be helping her, here online too because he destroyed her life as well. It is all viscous cycle, if we dig deep enough we are all connected in some way... sad, sad,sad...
I am sooo glad to hear you have some people that love you and want to be around you...stay up and out and do and do and do...until your little heart just burst with all that LOVE from the ones that really,really do care.... Jesus be with you and your loved ones!!
sam

[random288]

thanks I know you are absolutely right.  i'm not really concerned that he would be interested in another girl, just thought it was really weird to be looking her up considering he is supposed to be in rehab and is there because he relapsed 3 months before our wedding, not much I can do but it makes me crazy, the day has gotten better my familky came over for dinner and my brother is letting me take care of his black lab for the weekend, having a cookout at my new house tomorrow with family and friends who are all trying to help me forget and move on.  My mom came down today while I was at work and cleaned my house for me and boxed up all of my ex's stuff.  it was really nice of her because i don't yet have the strength.  I finally took my engagement ring off and have stopped wearing my wedding band at night..I used to do that for fun and think of what I thought it was going to be.  I called my ex's mom today to see how she was doing and she didn't call me back, kind of hurts but whatever...I mean I was the bride wasn't I.  I know I will be stronger after all of this and hopefully find a wonderful loving husband that will be a good father that doens't have these addiction issues, maybe it will be my ex again one day but as for right now I just have to move on and up!  thanks to everyone for helping me get through a bad day.

[sammijo]

This is just a tid bit of my experience with an addict ...He also went through rehab twice and was homeless until I came into his life... then I became homeless, as I let him destroy my entire life ,heart and soul... if you think that another female is your problem, sweetie ...think again...they have already, in my eyes, cheated on us with THE drug, when they lie about it..or do it behind our backs ... or JUST DOING IT... to me it is another form of replacing us with "an anything" drug, female, what ever it is..WE are being replaced....see???
Again ... just my opinion ... what ever it is worth ...
I also pray in Jesus name, Lord be with us all as we try so hard to make the right desisions in our lives, give us a desire to be closer to you and let our ears be open to hear what you want us to hear, Lord you know what is best for us, let our hearts and minds be open for what it is that you want in our lives, in Jesus name I pray this for us all !!!! AMEN
SAM

[LittleLostRidingHood]

im sorry, ive been where you are. not the exact situation. but i know what your talking about.
We wonder why these men do what they do and only they know. i know its hard, oh its so hard but you must get through the day and the next and the next.. Give it time.
Try best you can to think of positive things. Go outside and walk. Go to a park. Point being, keep yourself busy. My bf of 8 years is in jail for 4 months right now. It hurts and is painful every day and i have to force myself to move. But time will pass and things will change, you can count on that!

[worried878]

yey...dont torture yourself...i used to scan my x-husbands cell phone bills and caught him cheating....my last boyfriend...i had his password...i signed on and he was busy emailing this girl big time....u know when u have to stopp to stuff like this maybe it is time to move on....was for me and i never want my boyfriends password again...he gave it to me trying to say he was innocent...i did not ask for it...was weeks before i got this funny feeling and used it...whammo...busted him....take care of you right now

[tiff78g]

I feel for you, cause I have been there, never searching using his passwords, but getting the phone bill after he left and reliving why over and over in my head. You cant do that to yourself.  You will never understand why. It's not a question he can answer in the midst of his addiction.  My baby's dad is in rehab, has been for four months and let me tell you, the first month was hell.  He stayed, but not because he liked or felt ready or like he even could change.  Now he has embraced it and loves it.  In three days there isnt a whole lot about himself he is changing, when this was not what he even wanted to being with. This is all my opinion and based on my situation.  I wish you the best, but please, dont do this to yourself!!

tiffiny

[random288]

yeah I'm a nosey little thing I know his passwords :) I shouldn't have signed on but I did!  he didn't talk to the girl, he just did a search for her and something came back but it wasn't her...umm that is because he searched for her under her previous last name!  duh she is married and has been for years, apparently we are all moving on and he is stuck in the same place!

[Rose703]

Sweetie I'm so sorry that he's hurting you even further now. I'm sending you a PM so give me a couple of minutes to get it typed.
(((HUGS)))

[worried878]

Oh...you have his password and signed on his account?  been there and done that  LOL....depends on what he wrote to her about but he may be reaching out to those he was close to...I know this is hard for you..perhaps everything is not over between you two?  give it some time and see how it progresses....take care of YOU right now...addiction causes so much pain not only to the user but to those who love us...hang in there

[luvmyfrogs]

ok, now its a little clearer..:) this is just causing a miserable day worse.. when you are already having a bad day even small things make it worse. not saying this is small. it hurts im sure. and the pain you are in already just adds to it.. and its probally to be alot more painfull as he goes through recovery. alot of feelings are going to come out some good and some bad. i have never dealt with herion, but a addict is an addict and alot of people go through the same no matter what drug it is. let me know if i can help ya, even if it is just to add a smile to ya.. :)

[random288]

no not in contact with her at all.  he pretty much only talks to me(doesn't have many friends anymore) yeah I called the rehab center, he just went in on WEd. and I was like do you let inpatient, patients use the internet and they said it depends on their conselor and if anything it is for a short time,  so that made me feel even worse, his short time on the computer he was looking up an ex-weird but I can't figure him out....and he's so manipulative he probably talked his conselour into letting him use the computer,...sorry my spelling sucks today, I"m just downright miserable!

[luvmyfrogs]

he has a computer in rehab? i thought you checked his email at home.. my mistake.. when was the email dated? has he been in contact with her?

[random288]

he's in rehab?  I wouldn't think he would be able to use heroin in there, but I get what you are saying.  thanks :)  I'm just struggling today, so sad so sad!

[luvmyfrogs]

he was probally using the herion when he Looked her up,, i think we all do stuped things when we use. try not to let it get to ya, let it go.. i know when i was using i would get bored and use this computer to pass the time, looking up old friends too..

[avisg]

There may be things you dont know .Of course he needs to make ammends to you .This is something I am sure he would do in person. This is only his third day in rehab.

[random288]

they haven't talked in years, she didn't even know him as an addict, what about the ammends for me?  ugg sorry just so hurt.

[avisg]

perhaphs there is something he feels he needs to make ammends to her for ?

[confused456]

Maybe he knew you would check and did it knowing you would be jealous? I am sorry, I really have no idea.