sorry friends didn't make it!

[dfr3]

i messed up and i am back, i really want to be sober sooooo bad!!!  I finally told my husband.  that was the hardest thing because he stayed with me thru beating alcohol.  now i am putting him thru this i know he doesn't deserve this he has been the best husband and father.  the guilt shame is killing me.  i just do not know if i can beat this.  i start off so good but as soon as the pain starts i wus out.  i weened last time then went 7 days with nothing and i couldn't do it.  sorry for letting people down.  i was to embarassed to go on line.lol to all

[dfr3]

glad i could help on the swearing part ha ha
thanx to everyones kind words

[mom2rachie]

Another thing my sponsor used to say to me is that if you keep finding yourself in rooms with people who try your patience and who you find it difficult to get along with, it probably IS you or at least something God thinks you need to work on, hence, being in that same situation over and over again......
She really annoyed me with some of that program ****....LOL  

THANK YOU so much!!!  She is wonderful and about to be 1!!!!

[oneway]

Man I must have done that a million times before I got any clean time but I never stopped trying.  I thought I was literally going to lose my mind.  I'm not joking I say that in the most serious way.  I kept doing that constant 4-7 days off then going back which was simply hell but it slowly lowered my dosage.  I mean that is probably the worst way to taper but that was the only way I could do it.  Every time I got high I wanted to get clean that much more so I kept trying and it finally worked after about 2 years of doing that.  Good luck.

[addictedme]

PS,,you dont look 33 lol,,,great looking baby, you must be proud

[addictedme]

Very nice post. Your right,,your not going to like everyone, thats why I think one of the most important things you learn is to listen to the message rather then judge the messenger. I"ve been in na a long time and have heard important and helpful sharing from some that I didnt particulary like. On the other hand,,if you dont like anyone then it may be you ,,ty for sharing

[mom2rachie]

Everyone has another relapse in them but everyone does NOT have another recovery.  The next time you "go out" might be your last.  When I quit drinking and illegal drugs 5 years ago this month and walked into my first AA meeting, I hated it.  I never thought I could do it but I did.  I did 90 in 90, got a sponsor, got a committment, went even when I didn't want to because my sponsor said if it were snowing or you had a headache you would use so use that same energy towards your recovery.  God, I hated her for that.  I did the steps TO feel better not WHEN I felt better.
And even now, all these years later, yes, I became dependent and addicted to pain medication.  Whether my reasons for taking them were medical or not, I'm still in that situation and it ws a road I knew I porobably should not have been walking on BUT the addict in me convinced myself that I could handle it for the pain for a short while.  We all know where that leads if you are a TRUE addict as I am.  
But I have to tell you that I have NOT touched a drop of alcohol (not even nyquil) or any other drug since that first meeting.  
Get in, realize you're not that unique and allow yourself to stick around long enough to hear your story because eventually you will which is why 90 in 90 is great because you're bound to see yourself in someone somewhere.
Remember too..... you're NOT going to like everyone.  Just because they're sober doesn't mean you're automatically going to like them or what they have to say.  You take what you want and leave the rest and remember that it's principles before personalities.    
      

[addictedme]

funny how leaving out a word or wording something just a little differant can mean so much. Relapse is not a part of recovery. Its something that can happen in recovery. Telling someone that it IS a part of recovery opens up a reservation for anyone new to the program. Its telling an addict that they have a free one so to speak.

[beachtowel]

I'm glad to be of help.........lol

becareful wait may blast me for teaching you how to swear in your posts.........lol

[vicaddict]

dfr3:
I can't say more than anyone else has already said. I have fallen to many times to count. But like beach said, keep trying. It is all you can do, and do not feel guilty b/c we all have done it. Just keep posting, and keep trying.
Prayers your way!


BEACH:
You just taught me how to swear in here!

LOLOL!

[beachtowel]

Sorry to hear you jumped off wagon but that is what addicts will do who ever thought or said that once you quit using you will never use again or it will be a piece of cake lives in fantasy world........

learn from it get back on that wagon if you slip again brush yourself off and try again eventually you won't slip but you have to keep trying.......
addiction is nasty and very strong when you lay in bed with the devil he does not want you to leave.........he will lie to you and try to seduce you in anyway he can to get you  back.......

Relapse is part of recovery go to AA or NA if your struggling that is why they teach you 90 meetings in 90 days some will say is excessive or it is stupid the reason why this is recommended is in the early stages of recovery people will slip thats not a crime and don't feel that way..........
They say it because your first 90 days is the hardest time you will ever have to deal with........
if your slipping or feel like your slipping go to a meeting dfr3 keep trying,,keep trying,,,keep trying...

keep trying until one day holy **** you have 90 days of clean time...then 6 months then a year then 18 months then two years and I promise you as your clean time builds up it will get easier to fight off the triggers that cause huge cravings ...........

You can do it...........

[shama]

Part of recovery is often relapse. Try to think of this as a bump in your recovery. Just get back on!! I totolly agree with sad about your husband. Truely loving someone is work at times but that work can truely strengthen your marriage. If the situation was reversed would'nt you do anything you could to help him? Good luck, it takes such courage to admit failure. Be strong!!
sara

[Sad and addicted]

Don't feel bad.  This is not your fault.  Your husband loves you and when he married you he took vows (just like you did) For better or for worse.  You will beat this thing.  You just have to stop beating yourself up so bad.  Trust me, I am going through the same thing with vicodin.  I wonder some days why my fiance is with me and why he wants to marry a loser like me.  But, then I know that it is the drugs and depression talking.  That he loves the person on the inside.  Just like I am sure your husband loves you!!!!  I have 2 herniated disks in my lower back and 1 in my neck, so I understand about the pain.  You haven't let anyone down.  Do not be embarrassed this is what this forum is for.  Keep typing and try to do something to break your normal daily routines.  For me the hardest thing is the normal.  It just makes me want to take more pills.  Do something out of the ordinary.  Do your routines backwards.  Something.  Just keep positive and know your family loves you.   The most important part is that you try and you want to quit.  
Keep your head held up high!!!! You can do this!!!!!

s&a

[wdagain]

You have to be ready to not take a drug "no matter what".  You can do this!!!  Many of us have.  Being sick for a 10 days or a month is not as bad as dieing or losing everything we have to addiction.  The ends is always the same, jails, institutions or death.  Continued use will only prolong your misery.  I will be praying for you!!!

[road2recovery]

it's ok..hey being honest with your husband is "hugh"...can you try sub?? and he can help you..i know how you feel..i am struggling now, but i will do my best..That is all i can say.one minute at a time.
email me
r2r