still alive

[oxygirl487]

Hey guys just checking in...I'm still alive but thats about it lol...iwas doing really good then for some reason i started feeling like **** sunday....just worn down and so tired...im eating and drinking well guess i've just overdid it i can tell my back is killing me....but the pain lets me know im alive...thats how i have to think about it at least....15 days clean btw....just one relapse...impossible without u guys....hubby is also still clean....doing better than i am...i'm just a wuss i guess....someone please tell me this gets better....love u guys...god bless

[catburgler]

Just wondering how you are holding up?  Don't stop visiting this site for a while as it will help you stay clean.  We're all praying for you and your hubby.  I hope all is well.
Chad

[Clamity2]

Great job. Holy cow I don't know if I could have gotten clean at all if I was hooked up like you. But really I did perfer the vicodin because oxy made me itch myself raw sometimes. I was going on two weeks and then I got 5 30mg oxy and was cold and miserable again when they were gone. I didn't want to do the dr lie,beg, etc thing again or lose anymore of my quality of life. Ive missed so much because of my addiction to painkillers. Not to mention the huge cost of drs and blackmarket. I know we will feel better and be better people for ourselves and others if we can hang in there.

[loriegurl]

You should be sooo proud of yourself!!! What an awesome display of strength  and willpower. I think you have successfully kicked this in the BUTT!!

[mrpat]

Every time you point your finger you have three pointing back at you.Remember the doc only knew what you were telling him and if he was drug screening you, well it sounds like he was making sure you were abiding by his instructions.Pain docs have no cure, all they can do is try to make our lives more tolerable for us with less amount of pain.If he was giving you lyrica it sounds to me like he was really listing to your problems.Hang in there and hold your head up you are doing great and keep up the good work, just put the blame where the blame really lies. Best wishes to you!!!!

[catburgler]

I will tell you that after tapering down to where I am, I was fine for about 6 days.  Then boom!!  I had maybe the worst withdrawel day that I had.  I made it and the next day was good again.  Just take your mind somewhere.  Stretch alot.  If you can do any physical exercise, that helps SO much.  You won't feel like it before but after, there is about 1 - 3 hours of no withdrawels at all.  You can do this.  So can I.

[oxygirl487]

thanks I'm not gonna report him was just venting i guess....he didnt force them on me.....just makes me mad because he just didnt seem to care but i dont have to worry about that anymore so let sleeping dogs lie i suppose....he also prescribed my lyrica(epilepsy)because he is also a neurologist..so i dont know what i'll do about that i have like 3 refills on that...maybe my reg dr. can do that..catburgler:you r very lucky to have your wife she sounds like an awesome person....your story sounds alot like mine i had a very bad car accident yrs ago and ended up having surgery on my back screws,pins etc.... and had a severe head injury which causes me to have seizures....so i worked my way up pretty quickly to those oxcy's  right now my back and head r hurting so bad i feel like crying but i cant give in....the addict inside me says oh go ahead u actually need them for pain..but im trying with all my might to stop this demon..god i hate this....today is an awful day for me...dont know why just sux   big time   sorry  thanks for the advice  we will stand by u also my friend  hang in there  

[catburgler]

Another point to Nauty One's response, some of his patients may really be in chronic agonizing pain and those people would be talked about and acused of abuse when they may be taking only what they need to get by.  I think the best thing is to get clean and pray for the others who are there abusing the system the way you did.  You were prescibed the medicine, not force fed it.  We as abusers must accept our guilt and not point it at the docs.  Sure there are bad ones, but what if you were in agonizing pain to the point you couldn't even set up.  Opiates are a good thing when REALLY needed and taken correctly ONLY for the pain.  
I myself was sent to a pain mgmt doc for chronic back pain (spinal stenosis, I am 31, and 6'6"(which don't help it).  I was sent by my surgeon, who told me that I needed to put off surgery for as long as possible because it didn't look good.  My pain mgmt. doc is a credible one and he goes to great lengths to make sure that I am not abusing.  I have to get every script filled at same pharmacy, drug tests, lots of questions, and I see HIM at least every other month.  However these docs only know what you tell them.  They only have you to know how bad pain is.  I began to take too much.  The drugs really made me think I needed that much.  You don't feel them work so you think you need more even though you don't feel the pain (hence they are working).  However, I was telling him that the meds weren't stopping the pain.  He started me at 4 15mg roxi's a day.  He then went to 4 30mg roxi's (oxycodone without tylenol).  I ran out early and had to sober up for 3 days, I had no other place to get them.  I saw what I had let myself become.  I gave the pills to my wife, not an abuser or user and very understanding, and I am now taking only 30-45mg a day down from 120mg less than a month ago.  My doc had been telling me that I needed to be honest with him, but I wasn't.  I was guilty.  Anyway I am tapering off.  I am down to the 30-45mg a day and next week I am going to go to 30 strictly.  I have basically been going back and forth every other day.  I was lucky to see the light.  I am really not having that much trouble, and since I have gotten to the point I am at, I can actually tell the drug is doing all that I need it too.  My wife still holds meds and I told her to not give me more than 45mg no matter what I tried to tell her.  So far I have had no urges to cheat.  I am like your husband, I actually feel much better at the level I am at now than I did at the high level I was at.  I know I still have a long road to be completely off of the meds but I KNOW I can do it.  I also know that it is MIND OVER MATTER.  Get mad!!  Get mad at yourself and the drug.  DONT LET IT CONTROL YOU.  you can do this.  Write here every day.  Tell your story, and be honest with yourself and us and we will stand by you.  God bless you, me, your hubby, and the whole darn bunch of us!!

[NautyOne]

Don't report him.  You don't want to do that.  I mean, I know you do, but take care of yourself for now and his other patients will have to do that for themselves.  I wouldn't make waves............

Nauty...........

[oxygirl487]

thanks it's good to know its gets better....i'm so proud of him..he seems so much happier gets up every morning showers and eats then goes to work while im in my pj's all day long...he's an encouragement to me but sometimes it just makes me feel weak as ****....im like why is he doing so well and im not?i know thats selfish of me but i have asked myself that question alot....u and sis hang in there keep on trucking.....god bless

[allaboutmary]

Way to go ! You should be so proud of cutting your ties to that doctor. Congrat's !  Things will get better, it is a gradual process. Glad you and your hubby are doing well.  It can be good and bad having someone to detox with when the other person seems to be doing better than you. I have had this same problem with my sister.  Keep going, and keep us posted.    Mary

[oxygirl487]

this site has been my godsend i found it by mistake actually (looking for pain pills online)and i began to read the posts and realized hey if these people can do it so can i....i already knew what iw as doing to myself...just reading other peoples stories made me realize it only gets worse if u keep using but gtes much better if u stop....yes he is a quack lol....i nicknamed him dr. quacko months ago   lol   do u know who i could call to report him?i knwo thats bad but he is ruining hundreds of lives....i know some people would hate me for doing that  but what they dont know wont hurt them...im normally a peaceful person too just makes me so angry to think he can get by with such **** u know.....i would be behind u on the 2nd line saying yeah what michael said LOL  thanks   god bless

[MICHAEL_777]

I gave him hell after I read a little on here about the withdrawals I was about to go through.  By the Grace of God I found this site and realized what I was doing to myself (with help from the dr).  After reading a few posts on here about how those little pills destroyed so much....I was mad as hell and let him know.  I don't see how idiots like that can be licensed.  I'm normally a peaceful person, but when there is a valid fight to be fought I run to the front lines.  

Cash money for visits=quack.  Good idea to get away from him.

[oxygirl487]

your welcome  congrats on day 11.....i wanted to go see him and raise hell but i'm to weak to do that rigth now i would have broken down and been begging for my meds...maybe in 6 months i can go tell him what a drug dealing ******* he is cause to me thats all he is a drug dealer with a license...lol...i have insurance but i had to pay cash money for my appts  hmmmmmmm kinda suspicious huh...but at that time i didnt care....alot of times i didnt even see him just went in and pissed in a cup got my script and left.....dr.s like this do not care about people  they just want that money....when he walked around you could hear pills rattling in his pocket  lol  seriously u could and as an addict i knew that sound i was like woo hoo im in the right place....maybe i should give u his number and let u call and give him hell   just kidding  sorry i rambled  

[Curls]

Be proud of yourself.  Very proud.  That would be hard for ANYONE to do.  Do something you've wanted to, to reward yourself, and to reinforce the good in this!

[MICHAEL_777]

Thank you for the compliment.  I'm on day 11 ct and going strong.  

I did kind of the same thing with my pain mgmt dr. except I wasn't nice about it.  I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't coming back and how dissatisfied I was with his approach to controlling my pain.  

You are definitely making the right decisions in your life.  Keep up the good work.  Love and Strength!

[oxygirl487]

thanks i think too that i'm kinda depressed...i could have gotten my script for 90 oxcy 80 mg yesterday but i didnt go and when u dont go or call and cancel your appt (which i didnt do) they drop u which is what i wanted but the addict inside me is saying now what r u gonna do?but if i had went i would have been high as hell today....yesterday i was like should i go or should i stay?lol  so yesterday afternoon my pain mgmt dr. called or his nurse rather and left me a message saying i could no longer be a patient there because i didnt call....a part of me is proud of that but a part of me thinks uh oh i messed up....i dont know just rambling i guess...sorry...thanks for reading..god bless

[avisg]

hun, it does get better , day 15 is still really early ... exercise helps soooooooooo much ..even if it is just daily walks ... i agree with ibk have you both looked into recovery support. Be fore you know it you will be at 30 days and things will seem much better ...good luck
avis

[oxygirl487]

I took one hydro 10mg like on my third day i think....my husband is my support   he is awesome...thanks  god luck to u also

[oxygirl487]

thanks...u seem like an awesome person all of your posts that ive read r so positive  u r very encouraging  how long have u been clean? good luck to u .....god bless

[IBKleen]

Sounds like you are doing good!!

Are you 15 days clean? Or did you use during the 15 days? That will make a difference in your withdrawal.

Now that you are off the pills, I hope you plan to find outside support to help you with your recovery.

Good Luck.

[MICHAEL_777]

Hang in there, it does get better.  You're body hasn't felt pain in awhile, so you're more sensitive to it right now.  I was the same way, but it's becoming more tolerable.  You CAN do this!  Congratulations on your 15 days.  I see a big turning point in your near future.  Love and Strength to you!!