2211511 tn?1339658516

stuck again!!!

I just don't know how tp get back to when I was 19 clean! I decided (like a moron) to take some percs for 4th of July now I've been taking em here and there and am getting back into a ****** up mind frame... Ugh after all I went thru coming clean to my man and all, if he new he'd flip out , I think he suspects he's been eyeing me all day. Of course I've been cleaning like a super freak so that it's "done" and I can stop the pills, what an analogy huh. I have 1 15 left. Ima cut it up and try to take half tomorrow and half Monday and me done. So I don't just be super sick. But fuuuuck I want that sober mindframe back it felt good. I start my new job Monday swing shift (boo) so I reeeaaalllyyy wanna have pills to get thru it 8 hours on my feet, stuff strapped to my back and some more im thinking how the hell will I do this without.yet I don't want to go in starting a new ******* pill routine new to accommodate the Job. I just need the strength.  Hating myself do much right now. Thanks ahead of time to all those who read my crazy rant.  <3
4 Responses
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2030769 tn?1343647674
No need to be mad at yourself.  I am sure most of us have been where you are.  It took me dozens of quits and relapses to finally accept that whether I like it or not, I cant take pills. Now that WAS a hard 'pill' for me to swallow. lol  But the moment I finally accepted it totally, things got alot easier. At least you still have it fresh in your mind how the other side of this addiction was starting to feel like.  And 19 days isn't even as good as it gets.  It gets even easier with time.  Just doesn't happen overnight or all in one day.  But it does happen!  One thing that is important is that you quit FOR YOU.  Not because others are nagging you.  I used to think it didnt matter, as long as I quit....but it does matter, because if you quit for someone else, the moment that person pisses you off, it could turn into a real strong trigger and it is very easy to talk yourself into using.  So, what are YOUR reasons to quit? For me, I love not waking up every morning feeling horrible, I have more energy, I am saving soooo much more money, I don't feel guilty about what I am doing anymore, I love not being a slave to my dealers or to a f'ing pill....  You can do this!!! Glad u are back:)
Helpful - 0
2120911 tn?1350922661
Your'e ok.....

A lot of people go back and forth then finally quit. ............After I knew I was addicted..... that made my high sux.....  I would take a Vic because I hated that I was addicted to them.. (how sad is that) ?

Things don't have to get real bad to quit. After I became addicted it wasn't fun anymore,,,,

Stick around....recovery is waiting for you,,,,,,,,,  


Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi Samari, well you can't really beat yourself up too much about it! If you really want to be clean, then you know what to do! You start over! However, I think you need to seriously look at why you started using again! The 4th of July? That's why you started again? I guess, the reason doesn't really matter! Also, I know everyone harps on this, but apparently you have not cut off all of your sources! It has been said over and over again that if you continue to have access to pills, you will continue to use!

I wish you all the best, and we will be here to offer support and advice! Take care and stay strong! You can do this, and never give! Just make the necessary changes for success!
Helpful - 0
2211511 tn?1339658516
19 DAYS clean I meant , I didn't know nuthin bout this demon at 19
Helpful - 0
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