suboxone zone/limbo thanksgiving

[hawaiimed]

There are lots of suboxone questions and I learned a lot from reading and  commenting.
I had gotten hooked on vic and oxycodone for about 1.5yrs, and then, 1.5 yrs ago, i got on suboxone "the miracle drug" that is a supposed bridge to functional life.
Well apparantly it is a bridge to quitting DOC, and functioning, but certainly not a bridge back to "natural functioning"; you know, the God given energy we have in our bodies when we are not in addiction?
My Dr. has a program where I live that is for many opiate addicts the only way out... I didnt try NA (Naroctics Anon) because I would have flipped in a meeting there coming off oxy.
Anyway, we are told that suboxone may be needed as a maintenance indefinitely. You dont hear about the struggles to quit it.
After cutting my dose of sub after 8 months or so, I thought I was going crazy, with all the symptoms; sweats, depression, constipation, fatique , mood swings etc.

I am most worried about the "receptors" being occupied or something, in the FAQ and PAWS pages... like even after stopping sub, if i ever get there, the receptors are clogged anyway for at least a couple weeks, making life miserable?
I mean, even now with extended use of suboxone, 1.5 yrs, and down to 1 mg a day, for about 4 months, I am told that my receptors are clogged up anyway and thats why i feel like **** almost all the time, (except for a couple of hours here and there, due to some "benefit" from the sub).
Oh my gosh...
I have a 10yr old and a wife, and I am like a raging bull so much of the time, my marriage is on the edge.
I have been in this latest soup for about 6 months.

Today, thankfully, my wife and child are still on my side. Happy thanksgiving.

[worried878]

I had used sub,,,never to detox but as an intermedium drug when i was out of hydros,,,so familiar with it...it made me less passionate or sumpin...like i was with my guy but my body didnt respond..like my arousal was a robotic thing and not passionate..like my feelings were numb,,,i could do the actions but the main piece was missing/sadly missed  did not feel passion like a clean person feels...more of an "existence"..u know those feelings u get when u with a guy u r crazy about...phormones!  zilch  i was zombie in the bed and not my frisky self,,,,ughhhh    just didnt even go there ...no good no bad feelings...just a functioning person who could do her job right.act right...just no emotion..no passion

[hawaiimed]

it has been about 24 hours since last sub dose; I take no more than 1mg and sometimes I go about a day and a half to 2 days before another dose.
Somedays, like today, where I feel like I am in quicksand, and sluggish, and tired, and not up for anything, that's when I can take my dose anytime, to feel better.
Or then again, I just let it go on like this. If it is early in the day, I feel a nap is going to go against my night's sleep so I just plod on.
When I get that electric feeling, like my nerves are shortcircuiting, maybe what you call the leg thing, usually when I am in bed, and cant sleep, even though I am exhausted, and feel like climbing the walls,
...that's when I feel like; "that's it!" I have to have a bit just to calm down. this usually comes with some anxiety, and occasional panic.
Then, after about an hour I feel somewhat normal, but with the same "God, what have I got myself into" feeling, knowing that in 24 hours, I'm back where I started.

[hawaiimed]

so again, thanks Veyda, Ochooked, Catalina, and Refusingbondage, for responding to me.

[hawaiimed]

So, I need to get the mathematical formula, of sorts, where I plan the "jump".
Somewhere I saw a couple of posts about how much to cut and for how long each time before jumping.
then plan a shedule of how much time I would need, like at least 10 days the "go through it".
I will never know unless I actually do it, will I?
I plan to get the amino protocol supplies too.
Perhaps with the help here on the forum, it won't be as bad as I fear.

For one thing, not sleeping is scary, because that is usually where I get panic attacks. But I do know that being in Hawaii, the early morning hours is when most of you are up and around.

[hawaiimed]

I really appreciate the encouragement!
Getting past the "feeling encouraged" and stepping into action; like actually doing it, is the next step.
I talked it over with my wife tonite and explained that at least now I have an idea what it really is that is happening to me is part of the whole sub problem... and not that I have no idea who I am anymore...
like I had gotten to the point where life was not enjoyable at all; nothing that used to excite me or inspire me, could get me feeling good about life. I got used to the idea that we would probably not have an intimate relationship again.

[ochooked]

Hi Hawaiimed ----  I feel your pain, man.   Yes, I know what you mean -- Sub is touted as a cure-all miracle drug --  and for some, I guess it is.   But many of us used it to simply try and avoid the W/D's ----- We learned too late that there was still W/D's at the end and these were 10 times worse than W/D from our usual DOC.  I want to offer you hope though.  Yes, it took me awhile to get clean - even from the Sub -- but it was (and still is) doable ---  If your wife and child are behind you and you get down to less than 1 mg, you can make the jump ---  You will not die -- you will suffer and be in some real discomfort for awhile but after about 10 days, it begins to ease up and soon you will be shouting your sobriety from the roof tops ----  Man, I encourage you to go for it --- Your family is worth it -- YOU are worth it ---  You are going to LOVE the new you off of Sub and the feeling of accomplishment it gives is indescribable ---  I wish you all the best and please keep posting -- there is real help and encouragement here.  You are right -- lots to be thankful for -- even when the chips are down.  All the best.