Today I'm officially off methadone! I just have to get through the withdrawel now :(

[Electra1982]

So I'm taking the advice from kim,kiylen,gnarly & mr. lucky who've all told me thats I should prob jump to zero now that I was on 4mg a day. So I'll keep an update on how I'm doing. I took my last dose of 4mg yesterday morning around 8:30 am. It is now 12:06 pm and I feel ok. I don't have much energy and I can feel the legs starting to ache. I'll post again later. Any advice and support is appreciated.

[gnarly_1]

I  sent you a private mesage...its in your e/mail ...please read it.....Gnarly

[kiylen]

I'm sending you a private message...

[Electra1982]

I think being on methadone for so long prepared me to become sober. I went from doing 10 80mg oxy a day to methadone. Getting tested twice weekly forces you not to cheat, it's been so long that I've taken a pain pill that during my methadone withdrawel, I never once thought about throwing it all a way. I worked so hard to get t this point, quit stripping (which is prob the reason i started numbimg myself and then allowed me to afford it) and quiting drinking and finally leading a normal life. I don't ever want to live the meaningless life I did for 4 years, I can't even remember most of it, it's mostly all a blur, I wasted my early twenties on getting high alone in my house and using my body to get the money to afford it. I think looking back on your life on drugs will help you cope. It did with me, 6 days of misery is better than spending $200 a day on a drug habbit for 4 years. I pulled away from my good friends and my family. I never told my family about my drug addiction or stripping because I am ashamed and I don't think god will ever forgive me for the things that I've done.

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee...your doing great ..your threw the worst of it now so things should
start looking better each day...as for the anxiety I still get it daily but each day
is different some days its mild others it drives me crazy....you get your good days and bad days but most are good...now the battle you have to beat is in the mind
you have to get use to sorta a "hiper/alert mind...methadone quiets the mind
and it takes some getting use to not having it in your system...sleep can be an issue but this is all just part of getting clean..I dont clam to be an expert
there are many here with alot more clean time then me...I look at it more like
a life long learning experience  then a quick fix ...sobriety is somthing you have to get use to and it becomes a part of your life just like breathing
its just something you do...its a daily thing you just have to grind out..but in the end it is so so worth it....good luck and god bless...Gnarly  

[Ema29]

Hi Electra
Im on day 8 coming off methadone (taking only about 10ml aday) and around 50 co-codomol tablets a-day plus anything else I could lay my hands on to "escape" I just wondered how you are coping with the mental side of things-it is constantly on my mind and the boredom of being in the house is killing me, my anxiety is so bad i have had panic attacks when i leave, my home is my safe place-im freezing through the day still and very "on edge" also food is in one end out the other.

I feel proud of myself and so should you but i can't shake the thoughts and Im ashamed to say miss the feeling-how do you cope with that??? im in UK im a mother of two and have been signed off sick while i fight my demons-no-one knows what ive done ive lead a double life and became a very good liar-convinced myself that i was fine. Feel like ive woke up from a deep sleep-ive neglected friends, family, me everything i suppose i don't know how to feel normal anymore....xxx

[Electra1982]

My anxiety is very high and I'm very cold at temperatures where I'm usually fine. But my legs and back don't hurt. My energy level is alot higher than yesterday. Will post again later.

[Electra1982]

Yay!!!!!! Day 6 off methadone! Feel great!

[kiylen]

Keep going girl.  You're gonna make it.  You have no idea how strong you are for what you have just went through.  I would estimate seriously 95% of people give in when it gets that tough.  Please find a good place to go for support or therapist, keep talking to us, I'll be saying the same things pretty soon and know that you have this knowledge it has given you power to conquer things you may have felt impossible before.  Gnarly has so much good info and advice.  He really is a great person and a good person in Christ.  Please take him seriously.  Kim is also a good one that's been clean a long time.  Please message us anytime.  CONGRATULATIONS!! I know the entire thing isn't over but you have already done a remarkable feat.  So proud....

[Electra1982]

Today is day 5 and I'm glad to report that I'm pretty sure I got through the hardest part. Yesterday, I barely had the energy to type and today, I can move around but I still see stars when I stand up and I still have zero energy. I have very minimal leg aches (I may be speaking too soon) and my back aches from time to time. I know it's really hard for my boyfriend to understand what I'm going through, he's never been through the same thing. I think he feels like it's my problem and its good that its hard for me because it will teach me a lesson. After our argument, I put in more effort and got some chores done (even though it took forever) and in return, he showed more support. I feel much better today and I really appreciate everyones support.

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee....well your doing it....I did it and so has many of the others posting to you
your probably in the worst stage of it right now...just hang in there you almost dug yourself out of the worst of it...you will feel  tired and worn out from this your b/f is just going to have to understand..but know all your misery is not in vein...sobriety lyes
just ahead and you will start to feel a bit better as the days go by....I remember it being
prity tuff for the first week but the first 4 days are the worst of it...so there is light at the end of the tunnel ..just hang in there..again you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile..methadone is a monster to kick but it can be done...YOUR DOING GREAT pad yourself on the back you will succeed..I agree with kiylen that this is something you never want to forget...you dont want to have to do it twice write down your feelings so as you go along you can see progress even if it is only a little at a time
also pray...many here are praying for you but now is a great time to get to know god if you dont...im not here to shove god down annyones throat but he helped me
as well as many others get free of this stuff  dont under estimate the power of prayer...it all you got sometimes and god does here you..you just got to release it over to him and let him cary the burden for a wile ...it does help...just know he will get you thew it when your will is not enough...he did for me...keep posting we will all be here to support you...keep up the good work your so close you can taste it now
just know it will get better soon..best of luck and god bless ...I will pray for you
.....Gnarly        

[mr.lucky66]

You are doing pretty well and pretty soon your nights will be better. Sorry to say this but, maybe it's a good thing he is your boyfriend and not your husband. all the best

[kim715]

Day 4 is when it hit me the worst also.I'm not going to lie to you I didn't brush my hair the first week.Getting into the shower took 3 hours to amp myself up to get there and I felt like I had run a marathon after I was done.I have 14 steps leading from my hall bath to my bedroom and I used to have to stop and rest on step seven.The first 2 weeks for me were brutal.Considering the circumstances hon,what you are feeling right now is normal,but just hang in there because,although right now it doesn't feel like it,it will get better.I went c/t off of 25mgs and by week 3 I could get up and function.Weeks 4 and 5 got better every day and by week 6 I had fully turned the corner.

As far as your boyfriend goes,I am sure he is quite capable of feeding himself and doing his own laundry.Your body is going through a lot right now and you need to listen to it and take care of you.Sending tons of prayers and strength your way.Hang in there hon,you're going to get through this .You're beautiful new life awaits you...All the best...Kim

[kiylen]

It's okay.  Don't get yourself really scared about this process.  You are right in the middle of the absolute worst of the physical part.  The worst may last another day or a little longer.  After this, you will still feel bad for several days but nothing like you are feeling now.  Then, you have really got to concentrate on your aftercare because you are going to have no energy and be REALLY depressed if you don't take steps to try your best to avoid them.  If you can, get on a good antidepressant it helps and it may sound stupid but write this down and try to remember how it feels.  If you go back on any drug, especially methadone, another time will come when you have no money for the clinic, for pills, or something will happen that you can't get there and this is not something you want to live with.  Why do this for nothing?  You are amazing at going this far.  You should feel so good about yourself I know it's hard to feel good about anything but so far you are one of the heroes on here that are fighting it through and not giving in.  Like I said, message me, I will give you my number, call me anytime day or night because I wish I had had friends back in the day when I first detoxed that I could have called.  It probably could have saved the rest of this he!! I will soon face.  I mean it.  Call me just to cry or whatever and I will listen.  After the worst of the pain, try to get out.  I didn't for months and it made me sooo much worse.  Make yourself do the things you don't want to and you will actually feel better afterwards even though it's torturous while you're doing it.  I have said a special prayer for you and God will be there if you will please just ask.  It seems so small and useless but it is so powerful.  I'm not here to lecture you, just want you to know you are almost there.  Like I said, you are right in the middle of the worst part.  I know it's hard to message and post and to call people but try to keep contact going with us.  It really will help.  And like I said, please let me know if you need to talk, I've been through it all.  

You have been so strong and you still have it left in you.  You really are one of the heroes on here for me to look up to and look back to in a few days.  I care about you...let me know how you are.

[Electra1982]

this is day 4. it's 2:00 p.m. I feel like I'm dying.

[Electra1982]

So it's 2:18 in the morning and I've just woken up with horrible leg aches. I used rub A535 on my legs and wrapped them up tight in gauze as someone suggested which worked pretty well- untill now. I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend earlier. He has not been supportive. He never bothered to read up on anything about methadone and now he has called me lazy for not doing household chores during these two days. He still expects me to get up when he gets up for work, make him breakfast, clean kitchen, do the dishes, do laundry, fold and put away, make the beds and prepare my own food. He says its not like my legs are broken, they still function so I should still be able to cook and clean. Am I totally in the wrong here for being upset.

[Electra1982]

I'm very suprised on all the support I've been receiving. It's really been lifting my spirits. So it's now 3:07 p.m. on day 2 (or maybe day 3 - does the morning you take yout last dose count as the first day? or would you only start counting after the first 24hours after your last dose?) Anyways, today has been rough. It's almost as if the pain comes in waves. Watching a DVR of last night's Saturday night live really helped alot. I guess laughter does releive pain after all. It's not easy walking around because I feel like Im 100 years old. I know it's going to get  lot worse before it gets better. And knowing that " The pain is healing me" makes a lot of sense. I'll keep on posting - thanks for everyone support.

[kiylen]

It sounds like you're doing great.  You have a very positive attitude and I know you will beat this thing.  I do understand what you are doing through even though I'm not quite there.  I had to go cold turkey off of 240mgs one time.  That was one heck of a ride.  I only allowed myself to get back up to 70mgs at the clinic this time, have been there almost seven months and when I drop off I will still probably be at around 35mgs.  I know I can do it if I came of 240 and stayed clean 90 days before!!

You may have a couple of harder days ahead but you keep your focus on the goal you have set, make God your comforter at all times and know you are not the only one fighting this battle.  I can't tell you how strong you are for doing this.  Think of all the people still in line at those clinics that have been doing the same thing for, some of them, ten years!  You don't want to be like that and I can tell from your posts, your are an intelligent person with a good spirit and you don't want anything inside you that will keep those good qualities suppressed!

I am here for you all the way, and in ten days, will be taking the same ride with you.  Please message me anytime.  If you want my number, I can give you that, and I will talk you through whatever you need, anytime you need. I'm up and down all night anyway because I have lupus and it's hard to sleep sometimes anyway.  My point is, I will do anything I can because I want you to win this thing and we all care about you.  Just message me, I will give you my number and if you just want to call and cry, I'm here just to listen.  Sometimes that in itself is a pain reliever because it's such a release.

Take care my friend...you are in my thoughts and prayers always...Brandy

[NoMoMeth4me]

Awesome job so far!!! It sounds like you are doing GREAT to me.......I had VERY LIMITED if any sleep the first two weeks. It really made me think I was going crazy and out of my mind, I'm a grown mand of 44years and call tell you I shed many a tear in that first two weeks but as kiylen said, THIS PAIN IS HEALING YOU!!!!! Those are wise words of wisdom that I suggest you hang your hat on until things smooth over. Things may get worse for you but just know you are getting closer to your goal with each passing second,minute,hour and day.
I found it didn't truly hit me until day 5 and I was thinking I had it beat by day 4 so I had a mental/physical let down I wasn't ready for.
-My prayers will be with you.

-Brian.

[Electra1982]

So my last dose have been about 50 hours ago and here is what happened last night: I finally fell asleep around 11:30 and as soon as I fell asleep my legs started kicking prettybad which forced me to get out of bed by 12:30 pm. After crying a little out of frustration, I though this was the right time to take 1- 0.1mg klonodine and 1- 5mg zoplicone. I fell back asleep about an hour later. I did manage to sleep through the night but I did toss and turn. I did use a heating pad but it didn't do much. I found that if i switched positions and put my head at the foot of the bed and pushed down with my legs on the head board it helped ease the pain just enough that i could fall back asleep. As for this morning, I feel pretty good. I totally agree with Kim, when your standing or walking you dont get the leg aches. As soon as you relax your legs, they start aching. I'll update again in the evening. Hopefully this information can help people who are thinking of dropping off methadone in the future. I'm going to be very honest every step of the way.

[kiylen]

I'm really proud of you for being brave enough to go through with this.  Yes, your third and fourth days are sometimes the worst and you may wonder at times, what have I done?  You have started your life over and know that the pain is not like terminally ill patients that it's killing them, this pain is healing you.  I hope when I go cold turkey December 2nd I can take my own advice.  I scared, I'm sure you scared too.  But we can be here for each other because I'm not going anywhere.  I'm not stopping sooner because I paid the clinic a month ahead and am not leaving them with over $100.  Also, I wanted to make it through Thanksgiving.  Sounds like excuses, but it's the truth.  I'm going to need everyone on here and by the time I get there I may really need you too.  But for now, you have done an awesome thing and just pray a lot.  Really, like gnarly says, God hears you and will listen.  He knows every time you shed a tear and will truly be a comforter if you will let Him.  I hope I can be as strong as you.  All of you are really amazing.  I truly think you did the right thing by not prolonging the withdrawals no matter how mild they were at the last few doses.  Like I said, you are very brave and I am very proud of you.

[avisg]

Good for you !!!!!! Its going to be hard but we are all here to help you threw.Be very proud of yourself some people on methadone stay on it for life you making a huge step in your life :)

[worried878]

U made the move!  good for u..and congrats on ur clean time/every minute of it

many taper to very low doses//but for me jumping was easier..when u r done..u r just done!

keep us posted

[NoMoMeth4me]

Awesome job on getting to where your at. I jumped off Methadones in March of this year at 10mg and had it rough for the first 2 weeks. Mainly the RLS and NO SLEEP but nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Methadone is a bad one to get off of and it was third times a charm for me.
I think you will have it easier jumping off at such a small amount and believe you would have only prolonged your suffering by titarting lower than where your at. Post if you can't sleep, go out and get fresh air when u can, DON"T be too hard on yourself if you feel crappy, the mind is the last thing to come back from oblivion with this drug. I would suggest getting rid of ANY Methadone you have around that you could take. I know that's a HUGE step, trust me, I flushed over 700 methadone pills down the toilet!!! Read back through some of my journals and posts if you want.
Hang in there,

We are all pulling for you.

Feel free to PM me if you need to.

-Brian.

[kim715]

Congrats to you.I'm proud of you for making the decision to just jump and get it over with.Like mr lucky said,it probably won't get much worse,since you have been dealing with the w/ds while on the 4mgs.Take the hot baths for the RLS,as hot as you can stand and as often as you can.They help with the anxiety a bit too.The RLS was the worst part for me so I will share with you what got me through that.Hot bath,then I would rub my legs down with a mentholated muscle rub,then wrap them tight,but not too tight,with ace bandages and use a heating pad on each of them.This ritual brought me enough relief that I actually could get some rest periodically.Keep posting.We're here to help....All the best..Kim