talking nonstop

[sickofallofit]

This confession type stuff is REALLY making this just so much easier..so by the time im done with this, you'll all know way more then you probably ever wanted to.
Just being able to finally say..'im in love with dr. hydro, but its time to just end the fling'..wow..if id have known it was this freeing, mannnnnnnnnnn!...i almost just want to call my whole family and go..'im a druggie'..i wouldnt be the first..its just i guess why i don't..and won't..is because so many in my family have already done so, i don't think theres one person yet who hasn't gotten attached to one or more illegals..most end in jail..sad huh..im not going there..never..anyway i just really don't care to hurt my family or make them go through all this again..cause im the one they would go..'NO NOT YOU"...the one who has to be perfect..pretty easy being perfect if your messed up all day long and just don't show emotion i suppose..you all don't even have to keep reading my posts..haha..im just having a ball blabbing..its as if this big monkey on my back was finally yanked off..i wont go to aa..or any of those..id probably just want to shout it out..but, this is a small town, and while its all confidential, if it really was, i wouldnt know who all is in it, and what they or their family member was on..so no thanks.
Dr's arent my option either, no insurance for one..and i had a family dr i took my kids too and who i seen myself for my last daughter..to which btw i was drug free so i guess i did manage to quit cold turkey once before for a long time..i wanted it ever single day tho..and they gave me 1 just ONE the night i had my last daughter to help me sleep and thats all it took..i even said no thanks..but the nurse says 'no you HAVE to sleep'..i would have eventually..whatever tho im not blaming anyone but me for all this..and btw i rememeber those withdrawls, and it was just a little achey, and that was coming off 3-5 a day 10's..just realized i was knocked up and said NOPE!..amazing what we will do for our kids huh...thats what im using this time..my babies..all grown up mostly..but i think my oldest suspects ....she looked right into my soul during an intervention day with dr.phil and i swear i felt her seeing my shame..that was just 3 days ago or so, and thats the day i said im doing it..and just waited and then i found this site..and read a few posts and thought YEP..and tossed 50 tabs..im done with this..........!. Oh how i hate hurting but I'd hate to not see my kids grow up even more..ok so thanks again...just the typing and venting helps more then any 'fix the ache' remedy..and heres your ray of sunshine to the post awhile back asking for some..im feeling good at the moment..kinda chilled..sweaty, achey...pmsing on top of all it..hehe..and the sun is out, so while i still feel half ok to do it, im taking my daughter outside, adn im gonna just lay in the sun and sweat and soak up some vitamin d sunshine rays, while she plays in water..good luck to all of you today...im taking all of you in my heart...and we're ALL going outside to smell the lilacs..K? Btw, no im not on any other kinda drug...no anti depressants, anti inflamatories, no muscle relaxers...no pot..nothing..ive never ever tried the anti stuff..my spouse gets clonzipan and he offered me a few in case..but im gonna try to not do it..im trying to tell myself that the sooner all this junk is out of my system, the sooner i can just start healing. If i take anything, accept just motrin or tylenol oc stuff..im afraid it will just prolong it...im eating tons of fruit too..and drinking apple juice, flushing this stuff out faster..at least that whats im telling myself haha..but the fruit has great nutrition..so who knows..later all

[kimmieb]

I love your posts.  Keep talkin'! :-)

[CATUF]

Have you considered hitting any AA or NA meetings?  There's alot of that confession-is-good-for-the-soul feeling in The Rooms too.  For me, that feeling is a lot stronger when it's in a face-to-face context.

[sickofallofit]

no i won't do aa..since HERE at least everybody tattles on what they heard..i like this , you don't know me..kinda thing...:D.