Aa
thankyou and sorry...
My husband decided to leave me today because he is a drug addict and i am recovering..He doesn't obviously like it..all i know is..i am devestated...slap in the face kinda way..things in life are hard..i am not a weak person in general..but my friends...i am afraid i have reached my limit...whatever you want to call it....he actually threatened me to take my kids...HA those ARE FIGHTING WORDS.... and yes i took 4 oxy's..which i never did..and they" just"came my way...isn't that lovely...I am a piece of **** and I am sorry...I don't have a script or anything...it was either that or vodka...sorry the truth hurts..
Well it sounds like your not recovering anymore. if your husband is using, you dont need him. Children dont need drug addict parents. Your better off without him but you have to get clean and stay clean. Get into a program and go to daily NA meetings, get a sponser, get a counselor, and if necessary go to an in home treatment center. Eventually you could lose your kids if your addicted to drugs.
thankyou- you have been an awesome friend and you are always there for everyone.Thankyou.
Sad...i am glad...rhymes LOL...stay strong girl...good friends are great to have in times like this...hang in there
Thankyou guys/girls soooooo much..I have been off here all day..but was o the phone with my good friend all long time..Really was nice talking..thankyou..
Puranx-thanks a whole lot for what you wrote..you are right.
betsy- this is why i posted..well to help me but I know i am not the only one..if you ever want to talk..please let me know.
mshovel-thankyou very much.let me know..lol
gtmi-you know i love ya lots.
i don't mean to leave anyone else out because I appreciate you all so much..I have picked my a$$ up and am back in the saddle..Considering i would have already taken 700 PILLS...700!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not let those 4..mess me up. Thankyou again all..Just wanted you to know I am still on board..and clean!!
Puranx-thanks a whole lot for what you wrote..you are right.
betsy- this is why i posted..well to help me but I know i am not the only one..if you ever want to talk..please let me know.
mshovel-thankyou very much.let me know..lol
gtmi-you know i love ya lots.
i don't mean to leave anyone else out because I appreciate you all so much..I have picked my a$$ up and am back in the saddle..Considering i would have already taken 700 PILLS...700!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not let those 4..mess me up. Thankyou again all..Just wanted you to know I am still on board..and clean!!
What did your husband say? Did he say I'm a drug addict and I don't like the fact you are recovering or what? This probably won't make you feel any better but if that's the kind of person he is your marriage may not have worked anyway even if he wasn't a drug addict.
So what do you do now?? You start to plan a life without him and without drugs. Since he threatened to take the kids I would also think of getting legal help. I know this was the last thing you needed at this stage of the game but it's important to stay clean for more reasons than I can list.
God Bless,
Dove
So what do you do now?? You start to plan a life without him and without drugs. Since he threatened to take the kids I would also think of getting legal help. I know this was the last thing you needed at this stage of the game but it's important to stay clean for more reasons than I can list.
God Bless,
Dove
are you kidding? id kill for a woman like you! if my wife keeps going,i will drive to mich. just to see you! im too shy of a guy to do much more but trust me...you will do fine...your beautiful and i can tell all the way from california that you have integraty and a heart of gold! good luck
Lisa! Im so sorry this is all happening to you. im also sorry i didnt see this post till now. I started back to work yesterday and havent been able to get on the forum much at all. But i wanted you to know that i am praying for you and you are in my heart and mind today. and look!! You got me to post!!! you know how hard it is for me but i did it for you girl!!! im going to get back to you today in a pm but want you to know how much i care and girl you are awesome ...if your hubby can walk out on a woman like you at this time in your life when he should be standing at your side walking with you then he does not deserve you and i truly feel you will be happier and better off without him. You deserve better then that. You are a amazing woman and mother. You stand tall and be proud of yourself, You have come a long way and accomplished so much girl! You keep on keeping on and dont let nothing or noone bring you down..youve worked far to hard. Love and prayers to you lisa! Lori XXXOO
Oh boy...this is a tough one. 50 days clean and you took 4 little nothing pills sweety. Its not a set back, yes you took them in the face of stress and extreme situation. I would have drank personally so it would make me sick and teach me a lesson. But so what sadi...look wtf it took for you to go that route. Umm most people would have cracked long ago with what you been through hun. And i dont sugar coat as you know ;) I see your pic and if you think no one would want you...you are very mistaken. Theres nothing wrong with you, you dont look your age. Your cute as ****. You have raised 6 kids, battled almost life long addiction and still made it this far, do you know many others who can even relate. Most cant fathom what you been through. I dont want to hear you feeling sorry for yourself or mistakes you made...there lessons and you learn from them.
You dont give yourself any credit, you need to start loving you sadi, you have to start at ground zero...YOU!!!! I cant even comprehend what kind of man would do something like this, hes lucky im not a close friend with access to you him because i would teach him a life lesson he will never forget. Im disgusted, if you were mine i would be so proud of you and support you 100% and never let you forget how far you come and how far you can go. I would also have quit with you and fought with you until the end.
People dont relize just what we are truly capable of, i think you will find out soon enough. Your gonna pick yourself up, wipe off the dirt, and walk right through fire as you have been since you were 13. No poor "me" its poor him and everyone else who gets in your way. Steam roll right over it and move on. God im pissed and not at you, im pissed that a human and a man at that who claims to love and care could do this at this time in your life. If you need ANYTHING, ask.
Mike
You dont give yourself any credit, you need to start loving you sadi, you have to start at ground zero...YOU!!!! I cant even comprehend what kind of man would do something like this, hes lucky im not a close friend with access to you him because i would teach him a life lesson he will never forget. Im disgusted, if you were mine i would be so proud of you and support you 100% and never let you forget how far you come and how far you can go. I would also have quit with you and fought with you until the end.
People dont relize just what we are truly capable of, i think you will find out soon enough. Your gonna pick yourself up, wipe off the dirt, and walk right through fire as you have been since you were 13. No poor "me" its poor him and everyone else who gets in your way. Steam roll right over it and move on. God im pissed and not at you, im pissed that a human and a man at that who claims to love and care could do this at this time in your life. If you need ANYTHING, ask.
Mike
Reading your comments about your situation and reading people's answers is helping me right now.
I live in MA and am alone in NYC because I came to see a musical.
I take ambien and klonapin, which are prescribed, but am abusive. I got sober when I was 31, stayed sober 15 years, had med problems, got hooked on meds and have been abusive for about 10 years. The pills were a problem always, but when I drank, that was my drug of choice. So I went the AA route and now I need to get to NA.
So I can't sleep, as I have run out of meds and don't see my doctor, who knows I have issues and is helping me try to cope. I cannot be as honest with her yet as I can be here.
That is because you are so open and honest and people responding are non-judgmental and keep reinforcing you are NOT a piece of...... That is what I feel about myself, and I beat myself up regularly.
So I just pretended all those supportive responses were what people would say to me.
But right now my body is screaming out for a pill, and I don't have one, and I am not even home.
But your story made me realize that my suffering is not unique. I do well for periods of time, then get stressed out and start abusing again.
And my issues are nothing compared to yours. I need to cope, but I also need to admit I need help.
Hang in there, and what someone said about other relationships....that is so true, esp. if you have not been alone since you were 16. I am 57 and got divorced from someone who I drank with since I was 18 and married. I continued to drink for 4 years after the divorce, until I realized that replacing him wasn't going to help me.
But anyway, thank all of you for making things like this forum. When I got sober, there was nothing like this. It was good I went to lots of meetings. But sometimes it is hard to go to that first mtg.
I am just babbling because I am all stressed, but anyway, wanted to post and at least let you know that your sharing is helping me.
I live in MA and am alone in NYC because I came to see a musical.
I take ambien and klonapin, which are prescribed, but am abusive. I got sober when I was 31, stayed sober 15 years, had med problems, got hooked on meds and have been abusive for about 10 years. The pills were a problem always, but when I drank, that was my drug of choice. So I went the AA route and now I need to get to NA.
So I can't sleep, as I have run out of meds and don't see my doctor, who knows I have issues and is helping me try to cope. I cannot be as honest with her yet as I can be here.
That is because you are so open and honest and people responding are non-judgmental and keep reinforcing you are NOT a piece of...... That is what I feel about myself, and I beat myself up regularly.
So I just pretended all those supportive responses were what people would say to me.
But right now my body is screaming out for a pill, and I don't have one, and I am not even home.
But your story made me realize that my suffering is not unique. I do well for periods of time, then get stressed out and start abusing again.
And my issues are nothing compared to yours. I need to cope, but I also need to admit I need help.
Hang in there, and what someone said about other relationships....that is so true, esp. if you have not been alone since you were 16. I am 57 and got divorced from someone who I drank with since I was 18 and married. I continued to drink for 4 years after the divorce, until I realized that replacing him wasn't going to help me.
But anyway, thank all of you for making things like this forum. When I got sober, there was nothing like this. It was good I went to lots of meetings. But sometimes it is hard to go to that first mtg.
I am just babbling because I am all stressed, but anyway, wanted to post and at least let you know that your sharing is helping me.
I'm sorry Lisa that all this is coming down on you all at once when it rains it pours. Your Hubby is a coward and in due time you will come to see that and thank your lucky stars. My heart goes out to your kids but at least they will not see the destruction of their Dad on a daily bases due to his active addiction and you being the nucleus of the family and the only one actively working to better it, he dose not have a chance against you...
As far as the slip mark it remember it and put thee devil behind thee and just move on a glitch nothing more. You are far from a piece of cr$p don't beat yourself up dose no good but waste energy. Tomorrow is a new day... Take care
As far as the slip mark it remember it and put thee devil behind thee and just move on a glitch nothing more. You are far from a piece of cr$p don't beat yourself up dose no good but waste energy. Tomorrow is a new day... Take care
thankyou all...I am going to be ok...just had to pull it together..sooo thankyou all for helping me to do that..
HUGS TO ALL xoxo
HUGS TO ALL xoxo
Lisa,
Don't let the stupid 4 pills get you down. I know that everything that happens is for a reason...at that time it doesn't seem that way but it really can all work out for the best in the end. God always provides and always answers prayers according to HIS will....not exactly what we want....but He knows what's best. If your hubby leaves and he doesn't want to get clean then that is for the best for you. As far as having never been alone (if i read that right) you may find (it could take awhile) that is far better to be alone and happy then in a bad relationship and unhappy, abused, ignored...whatever the case may be. I learned that the hard way. If you need to talk let me know!
Big hugs and I will keep you in my prayers!
JoAnn
Don't let the stupid 4 pills get you down. I know that everything that happens is for a reason...at that time it doesn't seem that way but it really can all work out for the best in the end. God always provides and always answers prayers according to HIS will....not exactly what we want....but He knows what's best. If your hubby leaves and he doesn't want to get clean then that is for the best for you. As far as having never been alone (if i read that right) you may find (it could take awhile) that is far better to be alone and happy then in a bad relationship and unhappy, abused, ignored...whatever the case may be. I learned that the hard way. If you need to talk let me know!
Big hugs and I will keep you in my prayers!
JoAnn
I agree with lifesaride..a softail...yeahhhh..
to all- you are right..tomarrow is another day....it will be a clean day..might not be a good day, but i will do what i have to do. I sure am not wishing for a bad day..but I'll hope for the best..and pray for a softail...(sorry guys/girls) i need to have some humor right now..I really love to laugh..(yeah i know) hard to believe..but i really really do..I love you all and truly appreciate you all..the kindest,most caring people i know..♥
to all- you are right..tomarrow is another day....it will be a clean day..might not be a good day, but i will do what i have to do. I sure am not wishing for a bad day..but I'll hope for the best..and pray for a softail...(sorry guys/girls) i need to have some humor right now..I really love to laugh..(yeah i know) hard to believe..but i really really do..I love you all and truly appreciate you all..the kindest,most caring people i know..♥
Im sorry it took me so long to post...I had a day!!
Im sorry you have all this to bear along with the addiction part. We, as addicts, tend to jump to our "comfort zone" when things go bad...but thats not the answer, and we all know that. I can totally understand why you did it, but you cant beat yourself up about it, cuz that causes more depression...and more relapse. Just wipe yourself off, and tomorrow is a new clean day! =D
You can do this, and God is watching over you and will NEVER put you through more then you can handle...which means you are one strong woman!! Hugs
Im sorry you have all this to bear along with the addiction part. We, as addicts, tend to jump to our "comfort zone" when things go bad...but thats not the answer, and we all know that. I can totally understand why you did it, but you cant beat yourself up about it, cuz that causes more depression...and more relapse. Just wipe yourself off, and tomorrow is a new clean day! =D
You can do this, and God is watching over you and will NEVER put you through more then you can handle...which means you are one strong woman!! Hugs
u have had a rough time girl...from the get go...whats 4 pills...as long as u stop at that and dont resume using...for u it was probebly the better choice over the vodka from what u have said in the past....u resorted to old coping mechanisms for a sec....tomorrow is another day..a new day...a good day
nah, you just need to get off that ole ridgid, and get onto a smooth rollin softail
you know..i was determined to have a good day today..wtf? ok i will get past taking 4 stupid pills..i do not have any more as i said..I already know i could have gotten them everyday for the past almost 2 months..they are in my own frickin' house..i don't know what made the 4 from my friend so special..I really don't..they didn't help..accept for maybe the fact that i would have gotten vodka..I realize i still need to address some issues..but I am better off not drinking..cuz this italiangirl isn't a nice drinker..sooooo tomarrow is a new day..and i will deal with it when it gets here. thankyou all so much..life is such a ride...i'm ready to let someone else have a turn..
actually, and truthfully i just cant stand being leftout, thats why i love it here, dont got hit rewind or record, just schroll to get up on things.
I just read your post and it broke my heart. You know you are not giving yourself the credit you deserve. So you took a few pills. Everyone does it eventually, and it's ok. We all know how strong you are and what a good person you are. I just told you how much I admire your strength. You have so much on your plate. How many of us would've crumbled under your pressure months ago??? I know I would have. And you are beautiful, and a good mom, and he WILL come crawling back when he realizes what he's done. And if he don't, it's meant to be. You know as well as I do that when one door closes another door will open. Now it's time to forget about the pills you took, don't take anymore, and stay strong for yourself and your kids. You can do it. We are all here for you, just like you're always there for all of us.
thankyou so much for letting me go crazy..i know i am in good company..lol..I am really trying to geta grip..pi$$ed offness is setting in and i have my gloves on..what a rollercaster..dang,..He...as of 8pm is still leaving and thats fine..for me....for my kids??not so fine. they love their dad and think he's the greatest..yes...through black eyes and all..I didn't let them ever think anything different.Mom hit the cupboard..whatever..is that right?? No..for them? yes......if i am crazy could someone just tell me now??? Mike?? I really hate to spend the $..
I'm sorry you miss out but, thankyou cuz i just gotta laugh...feel like ****..but that there is funny....LOL
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