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the first clean christmas in eight years
This was the first clean christmas in eight years for both myself and hubby. Well not me tecnically because i did have surgery and did surcome to one demerol at the end of the day around eight pm. But ya all know what i mean. No oxy. And i hate the demerol it just knocks me out. But i just took motrin 800 during christmas day. This was the best christmas ever emotionally. Physically challenging because of surgery but it was so calm. Usually all he** breaks loose because of the effects of opiates effecting our emotions. It was so nice not to fight or pitch tatrums due to the opiods effecting us. I used to sing please mommy dont get drunk this christmas. Only secretly changing the words to get high. Ive never had a sober christmas in eight long years. It was soo different. Too all the newbies quiting i want to give you hope. My husband and i are addicts plain and simple. But thru Gods loving grace and some hard work we are getting better and realizing how many wasted years we missed. This was the best christmas ever. No extreme outbursts. I didnt loose my cool even with the kids aggervating eachother. Before id jump in and yell at them to settle down and be quiet. I didnt hear moms zombied up. Or pilled up. I didnt have to hide out. I didnt have to sneak around popping extreme amounts of pills. My son gladly got me my motrin 800. I did tell him i was detoxing when i did. I couldnt hide my detox. He comes home on weekends. He actually wanted to hang out with his parents. Hes still here. He wants to help me out with my knee. I told him i felt bad i didnt get him many gifts because i couldnt walk much. He kissed my cheek and said this was the best little christmas hes had since he was a little boy. Aww that made my heart sing. And my daughter also was happy too. I also told her mommy just couldnt shop much. I had a family member help out with my shopping. For all of you battling detox. Please please stay the course. I cant tell you what a difference sobritey is and means. I didnt know how extreme my addiction was. And the effects it had on my kids. Unfortunately im the leader of our little pack. Even hubby follows me. Yesterday reconfirmed i cant ever go back to getting high. I dont want to damage my kids anymore than i have. I want them to see that even if you get caught up in something bigger and badder than yourself you can control ones outcome. Does that make since. Remeber kids are monkey see monkey do. I also want to thank you all who stood by me. Even when i was rhinking about throwing in the towel due to pain and the detox was overwhelming. If you are even considering quitting or tapering please know it is soo worth it. I promise its the greatest gift you can give yourself. We really dont know the effect we have on our family and friends with our disease. My daughter said she prayed for her parents every night to stop pills. I thought i was so clever in disguising my habbit. Little did i know everyone knew. I feel ten years younger. Just wanted to post a word of encouragement to anyone sitting on the fence or needing words of encouragement. And to those who have chronic pain like myself you will get over opiates if you want. You will actually hurt less. I didnt believe that. I thought yea right. But trust me. I just had surgery and motrin worked. A month ago i would have laughed in your face and said no way. Only opiates work. So if your sitting here reading this and are sick as a dog. I know how you feel. I know your saying you cant make it thru the detox. Maybe your wanting to take a pill to stop the sickness your in. But know that each time we relapse the detox is harder. If i can quit oxy and hubby quit morphine and hydrocodone in huge quanities you can too.
Doctors visit when great. I didnt loose much range of motion. Whoo hoo. Talked to doctor about therapy and med options. He wants me to keep the demerol. I told him it just knocked me out. He laughed and said "i finally slowed you down. I want to keep you slow" i am too active in his opinion. Heres an example. When i had the replacement in end of may. I had my staples out and went shopping in the mall. I am that way. I dont like to ask for help. And my daughter was leaving for camp so i had to go shopping for her. No way would i allow hubby to let her shop with him. And because of my daughters handicap i cant sit around. Hubby works and has his own business he couldnt stay home with me. Plus i had home health nurse who came at 11and hubby home at 2. He told me the demerol detox wont be as bad as the oxy. Oxy synthetic. He agrees this pain pill problem in america is epidemic. Lots of money to be made. He prescribed nuicythia for therapy pain. Non narcotic. Has anyone taken this before? I took one on the way to therapy. Didnt get buzzed on it. But it sure helped my session. They iced me down with along with a sort of tens unit. Suppose to help with swelling. I talked to my therapist about my addiction to oxy. He said its sad to see so many patients strung out on them. I go to church with him so he told me hes gonna pray and watch me like a hawk.
Thank you brians wife. That last comment was uncalled for. Get on the wagon. Really. Im cranky and hurt. Ive got more instore today. Thanks for the kind words.
Bama I have been keeping up with most of your post. I think you are doing very well. I could not be as strong as you have been. You have kept yourself very honest and accountable through this whole process! You got this! You are doing so great! Dont let anything slow you down! Stay strong! :)
And why would you even say to me to get back on the wagon? I never fell off. Why would you even say that? Do you think i am allowing my surgery as justification to relaps? Really. My drug of choice is oxy. Not demerol. I hate sedating meds. I know an opiate is an opiate. I have over half the bottle left. If i used this surgery to relaps i had my chance. The doctor forgot about me being addicted to oxy and wrote a prescription. I took it back. So dont imply i fell off the wagon. Did i fall off when they put me to sleep on narcotics? Should i have been so strong i took nothing? There is a place and time for pain meds. Its not like i was popping 10 loratabs like i have in the past. Think before you judge somebody.
Im not going to relaps. Came to far for that. I take motrin. Have ice machine etc. I just want to push thru therapy and not come out in so much pain i cant think straight. Im done with demerol. I dont really use a sleep aid except when i detoxed. Had some left over from replacement surgery. I have to be careful not to take too much 800mg of motrin. It really hurts my tummy. Even when i eat. Plus i swear i get a metal taste in my mouth when i take them. Yes i know surgery hurts. Im an expert on that lol. I thought about tramidol until i read those posts. No thanks. And i dont like the demerol. Too sedating. And definately no oxy. Ugh. I humbley hope i never start that again. So i guess im doing everyrhing right. I am scared to take much of anything ever again. I like being sober. My memory is improving day by day. I also inderstand i will not ever be pain free. But i dont want to hurt on pain scales of over ten. Its a proven fact that if your in pain levels that are not managed your blood pressure increases and you wont heal as fast. I appreciate your advise but understand im a week out of this surgery. So would you tell me when i get my other knee replaced motrin only. Have you went thru a replacement? Its harder than you think. I know any surgery hurts but shoulders and knees are the worst. I just want some level of comfort after they tourture me lol. And whatever doc and i descide i will only get one weeks worth. I could have taken demerol every six hrs. But didnt.
Throw out the demoral. It's really not worth it, is it? As long as it's there you're going to keep beating yourself up for taking it and/or trying to justify and rationalize taking it. That's your addiction talking to you trying to get you to say "scr*w it". Remove the temptation and get rid of the anxiety.
Just like you had to accept that you were going to feel sick during detox, you can accept that you're going to have pain while you recover from surgery. Physical therapy just plain hurts. A lot!
Ask your doctor for a Polar Care icing unit. I've had numerous orthopedic surgeries and had a Polar Care unit for the last two on my shoulder. It made a world of difference, particularly where PT was concerned. It has a pad that you wrap around the joint that is connected to a cooler full of ice water. Some use an electric/ battery powered pump; others a powerless siphon to keep the cold water circulating. Mine went everywhere with me: at home, at work, to bed, to physical therapy, even shopping.
Also ask your doctor about prescription anti-inflammatories instead of narcotics. If you haven't told him you're in recovery, now is a great time to do that. My husband ran into a similar situation a couple months ago when he broke his arm. He wore a t-shirt to an appointment that advertised a motorcycle run sponsored by his rehab facility. The doctor noticed it and asked if he was in recovery. Hubs almost lied but realized that was his addiction talking. He admitted he was in recovery. Imagine his shock when the doctor said he was also in recovery and after many years was still active in AA.
Pain management doesn't have to mean narcotics. Most of it takes place in our heads with the understanding that the emphasis on the practice is "management" and not "cure." If you have any improvement in your pain, that's a success. There are also numerous ways to work on mental skills to help you cope with pain. I've worked with a pain psychologist for years who has done more to help me deal with chronic pain than pain meds ever did. Relaxation, meditation, and distraction are key to coping with pain and still being able to live your life. They're skills that have to be practiced but the payoff is huge.
As for the sleep issue, time-released, over-the-counter melatonin is a very effective non[-narcotic medication to help you get to sleep. You'll find it in any pharmacy and most grocery stores in the vitamin and herbal aisles.
Now stop beating yourself up and get back on that wagon before you allow yourself to really relapse. You're doing great!
Just like you had to accept that you were going to feel sick during detox, you can accept that you're going to have pain while you recover from surgery. Physical therapy just plain hurts. A lot!
Ask your doctor for a Polar Care icing unit. I've had numerous orthopedic surgeries and had a Polar Care unit for the last two on my shoulder. It made a world of difference, particularly where PT was concerned. It has a pad that you wrap around the joint that is connected to a cooler full of ice water. Some use an electric/ battery powered pump; others a powerless siphon to keep the cold water circulating. Mine went everywhere with me: at home, at work, to bed, to physical therapy, even shopping.
Also ask your doctor about prescription anti-inflammatories instead of narcotics. If you haven't told him you're in recovery, now is a great time to do that. My husband ran into a similar situation a couple months ago when he broke his arm. He wore a t-shirt to an appointment that advertised a motorcycle run sponsored by his rehab facility. The doctor noticed it and asked if he was in recovery. Hubs almost lied but realized that was his addiction talking. He admitted he was in recovery. Imagine his shock when the doctor said he was also in recovery and after many years was still active in AA.
Pain management doesn't have to mean narcotics. Most of it takes place in our heads with the understanding that the emphasis on the practice is "management" and not "cure." If you have any improvement in your pain, that's a success. There are also numerous ways to work on mental skills to help you cope with pain. I've worked with a pain psychologist for years who has done more to help me deal with chronic pain than pain meds ever did. Relaxation, meditation, and distraction are key to coping with pain and still being able to live your life. They're skills that have to be practiced but the payoff is huge.
As for the sleep issue, time-released, over-the-counter melatonin is a very effective non[-narcotic medication to help you get to sleep. You'll find it in any pharmacy and most grocery stores in the vitamin and herbal aisles.
Now stop beating yourself up and get back on that wagon before you allow yourself to really relapse. You're doing great!
Another question. Ive got physical therapy ahead of me. Now that makes me hurt really nad. Does anyone have advice on what to take for pain managememt for me? Will the 800mg of motrin work? Help me im flipping out about opiates. Moatly withdrawls again. Oh i feel stuck and upset again
Hi yall im getting stitches out. Can i turn in my left over demerol.to doctor?. Ive got alot left over. Wow thats a first. But i dont want to keep them. Or should i keep a few for when i go back to work incase my pain levels get bad when i go back to work? So far motrin has helped me during the day. Ive only needed one at night. I tried to not even take one last night but woke up in pain in middle of the night. Iced knee down and ate crackers and took one. I fell asleep to wake up with my ice pack on knee. I dont like demerol and definatley dont want to detox again. I didnt abuse them because ive got over half the bottle left. Whoo hoo for me. Will i go thru another detox even if i only took for less than a week? And i never let myself take more than two a day. I only took two twice i think. I dont know what to do. Last night i woke up in pain and took one while icing my knee down. Help with advice please. I dont want anorher detox. Ugh... Will i have withdrawls even though i didnt abuse them and hardly used them out of fear? What do yall think?.
Also what was hardest for everyone? The detox or admitting your an addict. The addict was hard for me to admit. That was hard to accept. I really thought addicts were into coke drinking herion etc. Not us pain management patients looking for help. Boy was i a dummy. I even justified buying fill ins blaming the doctor he didnt give me enough meds to control the pain. What amazes me is everyone knew i was in serious mess except me. Lol. Thank God for people that care in this cold world. To all of you out there reading and secretly getting up yiur courage i will pray for ya'all.
Bamma I am so happy for you! And proud as can be! You've been an inspiration to me through this whole process and I couldn't be more grateful. I, too had a lovely sober Christmas. And I'm 20 days clean today. I slept last night for the first time and awoke rested and relaxed. It feels like a miracle. I am going to post my story later and hope it inspires and helps those suffering or 'on the fence' like you said. I'm managing my pain with tylenol arthritis and hot baths. It's way better than it was on the opiates. It's a miracle....Hugs...Lu
Another success story. Yepee.... I especially liked the guy who signed up just to tell his story. I wonder how many silient readers we have? Isnt it wonderful not to sneak around and have less drama. Or how we react to drama. Keep sharing
I feel exactly like you!! First sober Christmas in awhile, such a breath of fresh air, No sneaking popping pills, It makes you feel so Free and I Love it, Thanks all of You..Ive couldnt have done it alone!
Please post your sucess story. Lets motivate the silient people. Share what sober living has done for you. I feel words of encouragement are needed. The new year is around the corner. And how many people will be reaching out for help. L
I cant believe how good i feel. Or im used to lots of knee pain lol. I wanted to post some hope for anyone reading and sitting on the fence. Wheather they are scared dont think they can do it etc. I know a lot of people read before they participate. How many people are saying stopping opiates is their new years resolution? Why put off another day? Start now. Dont wait and make excuses. Its going to be hard anyways. Its your choice to keep on ignoring your problem or to get a jump start now. Sometimes we need to be reminded of positive stories of sucsess. Especially this time of year. I know how scared i was. I know others are too. I justified my addiction for years. If the doctors prescribed them well its ok. Lots of people think that way. We trust doctors too much. We need to learn to cope a different way. And pain doctors want us for long term care. I still could be back to my old thought process. I didnt know how much damage i did to my kids until yesterday. I cant take back the wrongs ive done. But i choose to do the right thing. Ive got a saying on my desk at work..... Doing the right things lead us to the right places.......another is work with what ya got......and how can you soar with eagles when your down on the ground with turkeys..... Gosh im hardwired for sales. Lol.
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