this war

[mentalmary]

i havent really told my story and i need to get it off my chest/  so here it is..my father was in prison my childhood..mom tried had 4 children ..i got in legal trouble at  13 put on probation for two years and sent to live with my fathers mother...met my ex at 15 stayed with him  for 10years....he was a drug dealer and being stupid i was ok with that ....at 21 became a bartender..lead to drinking about 10 to 15 shots of tequila each shift..then other things basically whatever..mostly coke...my father over dosed and died in 2004 (shooting coke and sniffing oxycotin)  my ex was very abusive and after my fathers death within a year i left my ex.....i met my husband that same year   i stayed clean for about3.5 years ...i became a tattooist ...and i have back probs and the sitting hunched over was beginning to cause a prob..i was working about 60hours aweek and i began taking pain pills...well i have this nac for not halfway doing anything..so what was a once in awhile thing turned into 100mg to a 200mg aday prob...for almost two years now....the first time i had WD i just thought i was really sick....but then i started to notice a pattern....so i finally broke and told my husband...so now here i am trying to learn as much as possible and i have started weaning past two days..i know some dont think weaning really helps..but im hoping it will decrease sick time atleast a lil....its just gotta stop ..i wanna be me again , i have never ever never felt this way before ...im assuming my WD are so bad because of the amount and i dont wish that crap on my worst enemy...i am very thankful to have found this site ..thanks to all and wish me luck...i will win this war one way or the other

[laurel453]

you are the opposite to a lost cause... welcome Mary :)

[mentalmary]

oh yeah my hunny is the poop and he is helping me wean..i know i couldnt do it on my own..he is very understanding.. i am very appreciative of people like yourself who know what its like and that dont just say another "junkie"   "lost cause"...

[dominosarah]

Are you going to any type of counseling?  I would strongly recommend that.  You have had alot of bad things happen stemming back to your childhood.  You deserve to find some peace within yourself~~~sara

[NoMore81410]

Welcome to the forum!

Just remember everyone is different and if you can taper that's AWESOME! You are a much stronger person than me. I had to go CT because if I knew they were around I was a hazard to myself. It also sounds like you have a good husband for support. You can get through this and we are here for you!  Try to get yourself in an aftercare like AA or NA this has really helped a lot of us here!Good luck and keep posting your progress!