Been down a long road

[His_Wife]

My husband was put on oxycontin when it first came out in 1995 or 96 for chronic pain (13 operations on his left ankle).  It was a "miracle" drug for him and worked for his pain like none other.  After many years and without my knowledge, he gave my "best friend" one or two of his pills because she asked to "try them" and our nightmare began.  She injected them into her arm and wanted more, it seems that she had been an intrevenious drug user when she was younger and found the high from this drug hard to live without.  She quickly became addicted.  He worked nights and I worked days so when a neighbor asked why my "friend" was coming over several times during the day while I was working I thought they were having an affair.  I questioned him and he told me what was going on.  He thought I would be "understanding", of course I told him that it had to stop immediately or I would call his doctor.  He assured me that it would but it continued and I would catch them every time, he would sneak out and meet her in parking lots and go to her place of business, she would go to his at night ... it's been 3 years now that this has gone on and off with them.  I've told his doctor but he just questioned him about it once and took his word that I was a "vendictive" wife because I have left him now over this entire mess.  I have talked to our local police and they tell me that since he is not selling them to her they can't just take my word and go pick her up just because they are together, after all ... he does have a "legal script" for the drug.  It's a nightmare for me because I know they aren't having a sexual affair, she has hepatitus c and he wants nothing to do with her in a sexual way, he simply feels (and is) responsible for her addiction so he still feeds it.  This drug and his/her/their irresponsible actions have ruined a 27 year relationship, taken a father away from 2 beautiful children and made me unable to trust another human being due to all of the lies I have been fed over the past 3 years.  I hate this drug and all that it does to people.  It has turned my once beautiful husbands brain to mush, ruined his teeth, his sex drive, his ability to be the man that he once was ... I simply hate it!  So for anyone who is in severe pain, please seek other options before going on this medication, trust me ... it's not worth what it will eventually do to your body and your life.  Even if it works miracles for your pain for many years eventually it will ruin you, I know first hand ... I have watched it tear my family apart and ruin the man I have loved for 3/4 of my life!

[goldenarm]

Theres more to this than oxys,,and how can 1 scrip take care of 2 people,i think they are combo using,,back in the 80s i use to do cocaine and heroin,,and then speed and herion,and soem of the women i had drug relationships with were good for a b87698b and thats how they payed their way when needed,,people still have sex on this,,im in a relationship,,i take oxys ..alot from my Dr,i was hurt,and i still have sex with my live in girlfriend,at least once a week,before my injury,,i was clean since 1990,,i have since bought a house etc etc etc,and im now getting ready to go on suboxone to detox off the oxys,as the injury has healed enough to do that,,he has probly been thru partial withdrawls and is scared to death to stop,,,to bad u have to trash all that time together,,keep in mind its not personal,it is the drugs for sure,,,hopefully he will wake up and detox,,tell him about suboxone,,and rather than being critical ,talk to him about how he really feels and you do the same and let it go with taht seed planted rather than a harsch ending every time..

[D30]

I hate to hear this, but I don't think this is just a case of OXY use. I have seen the same thing. This sounds more like a crystal meth addiction thing to me. Does he get enough Oxy to supply both? I don't know to many who do unless he has found other sources.

If I had to bet there is a crystal meth usage going on.

I do wish you the best, and please don't think you can't trust anyone because of this. My wife was the same way then she found me LOL :)

[Mikeinthesouth]

u wake up honey i would not even start to deal with this sorry to b harsh

[His_Wife]

Thank you all for the kind words, he has been calling me tonight yelling at me.  He wants me back and thinks that bullying me will do it.  I know that it is his addiction, not him that is doing this ... I do love him and it hurts me so badly but I have to divorce him to move on at this point.  He has been trying to convince me that he hasn't been talking to her since March so I insisted on seeing his cell phone records.  He admitted to me tonight that he has been talking to her "on and off" a "few times" since then.  So he has been lying to me and I knew all along that he had.  I have to be strong for my children and move on from this man ... he has become toxic to me.  I hate this drug that he takes, I hate what it does to people .. it destroys lives his and many others around him.

[joann1975]

I wish you all the best. You sound like a strong woman and an awesome Mommy! I will pray for you and your family. This forum is awesome if you ever need to chat w/someone for support! JoAnn

[confused456]

I give you a ton of credit for being the kind of Mom that does not use her children for revenge! The fact that you won't tell your son any different speaks volumes!! I hope that your husband sees before it is too late to repair the damage with the kids. Wishing you all the best.

[His_Wife]

No, I don't think so, I have no trust left in him.  We have tried therapy but he won't be honest with me, himself or the therapist.  Unfornately that is part of his addiction.  Addicts lie and I continue to catch him meeting up with her and/or talking to her on the phone all of the time, he is so "concerned" for her.  My only condition to try and work things out with him was that she not be in either of our lives at all.  He won't hold to that commitment so this relationship is over.  He wants us both in his life but I can not live with that, he needs help but won't admit the truth enough to allow the help he truly needs.  Addiction does this to a person I have come to find out.  He is not the same man that I fell in love with and lived with all these many years.  He is committed to his drug buddy rather than his family and until he realizes that he needs help and askes for it by himself, he will never get over this.  We have a 21 year old daughter in college and she sees this for what it truly is (she has witnessed a lot of this, unfornately) but our 9 year old son still thinks his daddy is his hero and I won't tell him otherwise.  I just hope he changes his ways before our little boy sees how he truly has been behaving.  

[confused456]

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all of this. Do you think that there is any hope at all? 27 years is a long time. You are in a tough situation and since he is the Father to your kids, that makes it all that much harder. I am so sorry and you are right, these drugs will ruin one's life.