My boyfriend is in denial of his opiate problem.
I love him, but he's having such a hard time (depression) that he's never there for me...and when he is, he's really not.
I've gone through the saddness stage. That was getting me so depressed I was having a hard time being mom to my 2 girls (they aren't his).
So, some defense mechanism within me transformed my sadness to anger. I got so mad that he was putting himself through this...and pulling me with him because he is such a part of me...and therefore pulling my kids down too because I am their world, and when I'm that depressed I can't give them what they need and deserve.
So the anger stopped that depression. Any time I would start feeling sad I would get angry instead. "Anger is a Gift" was my motto.
But then the anger started taking its toll on me. I started becomming highly aggitated with all aspects of humanity.
OK...the anger got out of control. What else is left?
I have been trying to be as emotionally detatched from all of this as I can be.
Otherwise I'll either leave him, kill him, or attempt to blow up the world.
I don't know. Maybe I should just fall apart and cry in front of him. But I don't think I really have it in me anymore to do that.
So, here I am attempting the Buddhist thought of non-attachment.
It's just hard to not loose control of my emotions when we talk about this. He denies it and I get mad. It sucks.