ashamed to say i couldnt control my meds

[jenny06xx]

when  went to the doctors i ws exactly 14 days clean..........he told me to make another appointment for 2 weeks as he was rushed off his feet ..........in the meantime he gave me my normal script of 100 30mg codeine phosphate  pills an i though i could manage to take 1 a day or 2 or 1 every now an then !!!!!!!!!!
how wrong was i!!!!!!!!!!! i took 80 in 3 days searching for that "HIGH" that never came..................i now realise once you cross that line there is NO GOING BACK
i suppose i had to find that out for myself otherwise i would have always thought i could handle them.
i wasnt going to post here i felt too ashamed after all the help i got during my last withdrawal........but i couldnt do this on my own.
so here i am again sayng sorry to all but asking for help yet again.
jen
ps im on day 2 now ct

[jenny06xx]

thank u for your reply
i have learnt my lesson now and have no choice but to keep grilling the doctors till they come up with something else....... now i think about it i probably never pushed them as hard as i could coz i always had my other option (codeine) so i would walk away with that.

now 2nd time round with wd i have the added bonus of an ear infection and cold at the same time lol so it serves me right!!
im gutted i went back to the pills but glad at the same time coz i would have always thought i could take them and may have gone too far.
i wont be doing it again !!
thanks for all your support
jen

[jstntime]

Hey Jenny,

Brian is right, EVERYONE here understands relapse.  I remember making it 30 days clean on my first attempt and using the same rationale as you, I tore through a big bottle of oxys in 9 days searching for that same high that never came.  The pills made me very sick too with rebound headaches and vomitting.  When the bottle was empty I got to repeat my wd too.  What a bargain!!!!!  As a bonus, I felt like a failure.

It's part of the learning experience Jen and hopefully you got the lesson.  You seem to now understand the fact that you can never go back.  Though a painful lesson, I believe it necessary to help us understand the depth of our addiction.

The bowel stuff will improve but it takes time for your body to adjust.  Wishing you success Jen and hoping your latest wd will be tolerable.

Hang in there Jen and congrats for getting back down to business and for coming here and admitting your relapse.  Both difficult to do and admirable actions.

bob

[jenny06xx]

thank you
i have tried alot of things for my stomach none were very effective an when i got codeine i just thought WOW but i cant think like that anymore.
ive just been to the health shop and bought valerian root an 5 htp as i didnt get any lst time an i thought it might help with sleep an energy aswell.
i read up on it and some people are using it for ibs d so im thinking this might also help in that department until my doctors appointment in 2 weeks.
i dont know if im able to take it during the day as they both say 1-2 at night
has anyone else had any experience with taking them in the day or a constipating side effect?
jen

[bmdad]

Never feel ashamed to post about a relapse. We have ALL been there. Like you said, sometimes we just have to find it out for ourselves. And yes, once we cross that line we can never go back to prescribed use. Have you tried any other otc besides immodium? Have you tried any other non narcotic prescribed drug for your bowel issue? It seems like there would be something else out there.I know you've been fighting this for a long time so I'm sure you've tried other stuff though. I wish you could find something else that would work.
Just get back on track as soon as you can. The sooner the better. Since you only took them for 3 days you should be okay physically. Mentally it may be tough. Keep fighting Jenny. You can do this! Never leave this site even if you do relapse. I made that mistake before because I felt ashamed. No one here will judge you as we have all been there.
Best of luck!
Brian