what a hard day

[bama88]

Today was my first true day of detox I'm not going to call it withdrawals. Withdraws are when your out and waiting for that next pill. I don't know how I made it but I did. I even watched my husband take four tabs a soma and a morphine.  That was so hard. If hills pills 'would of accident fell in.my mouth'. I would have sighed in delight. But nope I stuck it out.  It has been a rollercoaster of.emotions with the toilet the star of the day. Imodium didn't work for me. But I did have to take a benzo to calm my nerves. I was so mean..bouncing around like a pinball and wow my bones hurt. I even managed to work on.cleaning my room. I haven't done that in months. I haven't ever been one day clean in over five years. Thanks for giving me strength to do this.

[ricart70]

Hi I posted on your new thread.The oxys are more intense,I have detoxed from both but after you reach day 6 or 7 the symptoms are identical.Just way more intense for the oxy in acute withdrawal.Don't be mad at yourself.You did great making it 3 days.Believe me,alot of people give up at 1 day or less,especially if they are in arms reach.

[bama88]

I am so upset with myself. I let myself down. I don't think.I had full.comprehension of these oxies. I didn't have a plan. I need help on making a schedule.

[bama88]

It's my fault. I just couldn't handle.the pain plus.the sickness. More.pain than I was prepared.for. plus do.you think.the oxies.are better to taper.from..I have stopped.tabs before and yes my pain level.increased but the oxies are a beast. I know it sounds like excuses.

[ricart70]

It happens to the best of us bama.Don't be hard on yourself but,There is no way I could have quit if I had access so you have got to find a way you can be away from the pills.This is all-important.hang in there

[bama88]

Well I caved in today. I just couldn't handle the pain and sickness at the same time. I split a twenty in half. Omg im so so mad at myself. I got  so scared the pain wouldn't go away not to mention the sickness. Gosh I hate myself. And I'm sick of dealing with a husband that's completely out of it. I never ever make it past day three. How can I be so sucessful at other things and not this. I'm gonna go to na meetings starting tomorrow. Then to make matters worst one of my best friends knew I was high. How'd I get high on half a twenty. I didn't feel high. I really hate myself right now.

[bama88]

Thanks kitty. How are you? I'm scared to go to the doctor. First he's been draining blood under my knee cap. Second he's been putting a big meddle in my knee. Third he has been threatening another surg to go in and see why I'm still bleeding in the knee. Forth it is scarey

[bama88]

Thanks kitty. How are you? I'm scared to go to the doctor. First he's been draining blood under my knee cap. Second he's been putting a big meddle in my knee. Third he has been threatening another surg to go in and see why I'm still bleeding in the knee. Forth it is scarey

[Bkitty]

~ If I went without meds and didnt take the script from Dexter the Dentist you can refuse too! LOL! Good luck today sweetie!~

[bama88]

Oh great I have to go to the doctor today for a check up on my knee. I hope I can stay strong and not ask for any meds.

[bama88]

I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!   Wait that takes energy.

[bama88]

The start of a new day....I feel like the weather gloomy rainy and just like ****. The pain kept me up all night. I slept a total of three hours. I forgot pain like this exists. I'm so dehydration. Can't keep anything down. I m thinking about my few 20's I have left. I can't take it. I just can't take it. At least I have the house to myself. I have quite. I hope the runs and pukes go away. I just am fed up with the pain. My back is on fire. I watched my husband get ready for work. He's in such a fog. He forgets this forgets that. And everything is getting on my last nerve. Why does everyone have to ask me for everything.  These people need to learn how to be self sufficient. I'm hoping this is the worst day because tomorrow I got to go to work. Help me. I've been down on my knees a lot praying for this to stop. Lord Jesus help me.....I'm falling

[bama88]

Thanks. I hurt really bad. I mean super bad. I'm gonna cave into the pain. I don't know if I can do this. Even my but hurts. My whole leg hurts. I think I over did it at the mall. Maybe I'm not ready to deal with this much pain. What do you all know about tramidol or ultracet. I've gotta get my pain levels under control. All.my joints ache. Is it real.pain or withdrawals.

[gnarly_1]

HI been following your post so far so good just be careful with the benzos
this is a battle one one day at a time your probably not going to feel any worst then you do although the sleep deprivation will make it seam worst hang in there if you believe in God prayer helps got me to where im at
any ways just wanted to encourage you to keep pushing forward dont take your eyes off the prize it is so so worth it not being chained to a pill bottle
just remember YOU CAN DO THIS ....good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[bama88]

What a day. I shouldn't have took that nap. I can't sleep. I can't sleep. Hanging out with all of you has so helped. I want to get high so bad. But I've made it two days. I wish I could eat. Everything keeps coming up. I wish I would have never ever taken one pain pill. My legs hurt so bad i can't stand it. If I can make it thru tomorrow. I should have tapered..my whole body is shocked. I need some candy to sweeten me up lol.

[GA_need_help]

Hi,
A big hug to you! This is so hard! I want you to know I am doing a detox/taper with Opana ER now. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through.  We are in this together, and perhaps 2 more people that posted are also.  I am praying for you.  We have little girls we love, but they can absolutely be trying.  A better life is to come.  
Marie

[bama88]

I don't know about that. We've talked about this a lot. I knew he went somewhere bad today. He loves loves loves them valuim. He is not on the planet. He isn't ready to let go of his pills. He still has issues about his car wreck. I feel like throwing him out. I can't take his accusing ways. I just want to be comfortably numb and listen to pink flyod. Then tomorrow he will.say he is sorry blah blah blah. Well I say f*** his sorry. I also want to argue with him but that will take to much energy.

[Bkitty]

Oh noooo!! Im so sorry! Today must be a bad day for spouses,,mine is in the doghouse too. Im so proud of you today! You came this far and pulled thru and didnt cave. Esp with a hubby with pills! Now that is courage and stregnth. When he see's how well you are doing,,im willing to bet he is next! So proud!

[bama88]

It was extremely hard not to use. I want to just numb up and get rid of all my feelings. I never ever been into the benzoo kick it makes me go right to sleep. I know the accusations are his disease talking and you can't reason with a drug.but still.and he does this around our girl. I want all my oxys back out of his precious safe. I want to use so bad. I know that a pill is not the solution.

[bama88]

Well I  thought I was going to  get thru the day without any husband drama but that didn't happen. He got really high and excused me of stealing his drugs. I hate being accused. That is a big pet peeve of mine. He put his pills in a ciggerate pack and lost them. I think he found them because he's past out now. He ran around until he found them.and the keys to the safe. I never had his keys. I never caved except valuim and I needed it.I took them and took a nap to avoid the chaos. He has a big problem of accusing

[Bocephus_]

The NA book is very uplifting. It occupies your mind with stories that hit you between the eyes. Have tissues handy. So sorry you have to endure this. It is awful. I don't care how many times you go through it, it is terrible, and things seem hopeless even though your brain knows it will end...........praying for you.

[vicpic]

How are you??? Did you make it without any additional meds??? Hang in there you are stronger than you think and we are all here if you need to talk...

[vicki595]

I understand that. Still...it's not wise to mix the stuff. That's all I'm suggesting.
Hope you're calmer now.

[bama88]

I only took the valuim to.take.the edge off. To.sleep and.not be jumping.out of.my skin

[vicki595]

If you're going to cave, just wait a while. You don't want to add pain pills to the Valium x 3 you've already taken...that's not smart.