what to do.......

[justrealizedineedhelp]

New here n  I had no idea until this week on the 6th I had a problem hmm I had my suspicions but I was in denial...... now I am ashamed :( I live with chronic pain I was diagnosed with lupos, remthoid arthritis, Raynuad phenomen, chronic gastritis, gallbladder dysfunction n  I have a huge ulcer........ I was takin 725mg every 3 hrs of viccidin along with a pain patch until one day I said hey I feel better so in a week I went from takin sometimes 1450mg every 8hrs bc the pain was so bad to 500 every 12hr to24hrs no patch to no pills at all what a mistake...... I mean I didn't know anything about withdrawals nor that I was an addict to this crap. But soon after I stopped taking them the pain in my body got worse BUT the funny thing n what threw me of track was that at the same time I got strep Thoart so I related my pains to that oh OMG for the following 2 weeks all I did was vomit/fever/shakes/really bad pain all over my body I felt like I was dying...... I couldn't get out of bed. My skin hurt so bad I couldn't eat all I was eating/ drinking was ensure. Yet again I would try to take the stupid viccidin but bc my stomach was empty n bc of my ulcer my body would reject it..... Again I related all of this to strep Thoart........ how naive !!!!!! Anyways after 3 weeks I finally started to feel a bit better. But a friend of my mother who happened to be Christian prayed for me took me to her temple and well when I was feeling better ready to get back on all my meds she said no now u need to take a leap of faith and trust that u no longer r sick n u will not need those meds well let me tell u something I was like WHAT NO MEDS NO VICCIDIN....... every time I had pain I would think about my viccidin..... still I thought to myself I was not an addict lol. Well after a month n half my 5yr son broke his tailbone my husband got a really bad cold n hurt his back too he can barely walk...... bc of my immune I got the cold n my body has been in a great deal of pain cause of all the stress so this midnight I took a viccidin with all of these excuses....... what a mistake it just made me realize I Am an addict bc I slept unit 3 n been up since then counting the hrs when is time for my second dose..... that is when I started to look up all of these web sites...... n discovered that what I went threw for those horrible 3 weeks were withdrawals.!!!!!! Not strep Thoart I mean I got the penicillin shot in 3 days I was better of the strep I just found that out too......Now I am back on it I take half of 500 every 4 to 5 hrs

[tgtiffany]

Okay, I KNOW I posted here yesterday, and it wasn't anything bad....and it's not here.  :(  Oh well.  

I know you want to quit asap, but maybe you should stay at this time period between doses for a day or two?  It might help with the withdrawals and the pain.  And it might be easier for you to quit in the end because you won't hurt so bad that you just give in and take a lot of them again.  You know?  Like taper down and let yourself get used to the 12 hours in between.  I think you are doing amazing though.  Just keep up the good work okay?  And don't let yourself get down.  Look in the mirror and smile :)  Even if you feel like crap and think it's stupid, force yourself to do it.  It will help.  You're amazing and beautiful and you CAN do this.  You have to keep remembering that :)  

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Finally got out of bed still on my last dose since 2am which was half of hydrocodone strength (5mg/500mg) am goin to try n continue to control the mental needing. But my body is already started to semi hurt more so my back n hand. But I will try to push it as far as I can....... to spread the hrs in between of each dose longer n longer

[justrealizedineedhelp]

My thoughts are just pouring out of me..... but I am sure that at the very start I stated that; I went cold turkey with all my medications only bc a friend of my mother who is Christian came over my home prayed for me she took me to her church n I felt so much better.....  Y WAS I SO SICK N IN BED BC I by choice said hey I feel better why should I be taking a pain killer if now the pain is gone so I stopped cold turkey.
I then in the same week got strep Thoart.... n Omg the pain shakes vomiting etc..... were horrible so much that when I went to the ER they gave me a shot of morphine n prescribed more hydrocodone lol but bc I was so weak I couldn't eat I was afraid to take any pills on an empty stomach..... OK THE WAY I SEE IT IS THAT I WENT THREW W/D but had no idea....... I related it all to the strep Thoart....  ok when this wonderful lady came to pray for me I just gave it my all n believe. Once I was feeling better n able to eat I was about to get back on my meds when she said NO YOU NEED TO BELIEVE UR HEALED n NO MORE MEDS. THAT'S when out of all my meds I could not stop thinking wanting hydrocodone that's when I got a clue a was an addict n what this medicine really was bc I started to look it up on the web. I remained clean for a month and 1/2 but when my husband hurt his back got the flu got me sick with the flu our son falls n breaks his tailbone I got just toooooooo much stress n I relapse.......
But I have stopped all other medicines...
I am only back on the poison(hydrocodone) butalbital n CYMBALTA
HOPEFULLY I AM MAKING MORE SENSE.....
N YEA I feel like there is a constant attack bc like I also said b4 on mothers day I fell n hurt really bad my hand n back..... my left hand which 2 yrs ago I had broken n was in therapy for....... thank you as well for listening reading no one really understands what it is to live with lupus.....

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Thank u for being a cheerleader;))
good thing I guess ; I have been spreading the times I take this poison.
Now my last dose was at 2am HALF of a hydrocodone 5mg/500mg and 1 butalbital....
Granted I did not want to get out of bed, not even to take my son to school BUT I still got up went to wake him, but he told me that his back hurt....(remember he broke his tailbone last week) so I let him stay home.....
I have been in bed I open my eyes post here n then I just go back to sleep.

I guess am just afraid to be awake n then let my mind trick me into I need to take more

[BamaIndian]

I have the same lupus you have and while your meds aren't all narcotic they still take their toll on your young body. Vicodin withdrawal is more emotional than physical, don't get me wrong though - you still go through 3 days of flu symptoms. Here's the thing, if you want to get clean then white knuckle it for 1 week. Days 1-5 are a coaster of emotions but it's more than doable. Trust me.

The o/d on sleep meds concern me but that's something your Dr and you need to discuss. Please take my advice and please do what's best not what's the easiest. Like others state, stay active and post. We are all here for you and while I'm a gruffy about things (just honest) I do care, even for complete strangers. None of us are perfect and we all need some level of help.

[constantbeauty]

I know you've heard it before and will probably hear it another million times before all this is said and done, but the more you post, get your thoughts out and pour your heart out here on the forums -- the better your WD process will be. A little about my experience:

When I quit taking Vicodin CT, I started to have all these emotions running rampid through me. I would think about the past. My past. Things I'd said, done and gone through over time. Nothing really in particular, just things that got to me over the years that WD and detoxing alone allowed me to take another look at. I started to realize that the more in depth my dependancy and addiction to the pills got, the more I would bottle up these random emotions I was having at the time. NOT a good thing. So for you to sit here and publicly state your past and the things you're going through is absolutely amazing. Keep up the good work, and know that there's no judgement here from any of us.

Please keep posting. You'll find that posting more and more on here will help with the stages you're about to go through in this process. Not only that, but so many others have found that helping others through their recovery process has in fact helped them more than they realized until it was said and done. You;re doing a great job, and I for one am your biggest cheerleader right now.

[justrealizedineedhelp]

I didn't even realize I was writing w/ an (o) instead of a (u)......  my type is systemic lupus..
my understanding was that all of my meds were non narcotic expect this hydrocodone..... I was given this medication this yr at the age of 28......
n yes its flares n they usuall get bad w stress.
when I o/d once on sleepin pills, the doctors are less then caring they just looked at me as a problem, I was sent to the ward taken away my rights now the state had them over me. a  nurse sitting at ur door way ppl screaming everywhere n those nurses discussing about us the patients how crazy etc n when the night shift came in how they laughing said we will just knock out who ever gives to much trouble...... I got myself out of there so fast!!!!!!!!!! I denied it was me trying to hurt myself but that I couldn't sleep n in the course of time I just kept taking more n more sleepin pills to c if I could finally sleep.

yes having a child was very risky n against my doc advise but like I said I had moved changed doc so on the time of my pregnancy I pretend to be a healthy young women.........  no medication of any sort..........

I am grateful for being able to talk here n say how I feel  bc I never do......... I am the one who doesn't cry in the family n the one ppl come to for help.
I have done it by myself b4 n I guess bc I am older now n just tired I looked for support.....
for me it is very hard to open up n talk about my stuff......
but I know that I can over come this as well.......

[BamaIndian]

I have lupus, it bothers me when people don't spell their diseases correctly. I do nit pic but that's not why I'm writing.

As Gnarly has pointed out, going off of vicodin will allow you to gauge your actual symptoms. You are young and most of your bad feelings (physical) is from one pill interacting with another pill. I don't know the type of lupus you have, there are several kinds.

You need to see a Dr that specialized in auto immune diseases for this type of care. Everything you listed does go to a lupus patient however, it's all taken on a FLARE basis not a daily basis. A flare is when you get a bit under the weather and then notice, say, the "Butterfly" rash for example. Migraines will accompany this and well, I'm sure you know how it works. Flares are what you treat otherwise you are over medicating yourself and not just that - you are ruining vital organs of yours. Your organs are already fighting to remain healthy, the more chemicals that they must filter - the harder they work - the shorter life that they have. I'm shocked you had a child after the diagnosis. Pregnancy and lupus (while it happens) is ill advised and a risky act. Please be careful if you plan of more children. You could not possibly have a healthy pregnancy with continued used of all medications listed above.

I no longer take any medication. I don't advise what I've done, I did it for longevity and to see where I stood. Besides withdrawal / detox, I have no pains. I don't have all these promised ailments. In fact, I have just average problems and I'm happy to know this. Dr's don't just often over medicate but the often trust their patients. What I mean by that is, if you go to a Dr with a previous diagnosis for lupus and complain of pain, they will treat it. Sometimes and often times to a serious fault. A smart and helpful Dr would offer alternative options while giving you limited supply of pain meds such as ultram because of your age. Starting someone so young on vicodin isn't a wise choice on their end. This means you'll most likely require something stronger in 5 years, so on and so forth till the end of time. What will you do when morphine doesn't cut it in 10 years? You'll be on methadone (trust me) and that's the 1 bugger you don't want.

Get off the medication at a reasonable pace and under the care of your physician. Explain that you'd like to gauge where you are health wise without the umbrella of meds interacting with meds. They will advise against going off of any anti depressants you may be on as well as steroids. Listen to them and take it every 2 weeks at a time. Quit one medication a month till you are down to the bare bones of it all or none at all. Then spend 60-90 days without anything to find your real pain and if it's manageable with just tylenol or naproxeon via script.

If you don't do this now you will regret it by 30. Most of the meds you are on do deplete your bones of calcium, weaken your enamel on your teeth and exhaust you. Sometimes you have to look down the road and see what the long term effects are. You will suffer some and your liver/kidneys and heart will be the first 3 things to bail on you.

Do your son a favor and get yourself together. Speak to someone, who cares what your husband thinks is "stupid". Who talks to their partner like that anyways? There's free meetings and services provided in every town no matter the size. Look in your paper for support meetings (be it depression, lupus or whatever). Look for United Way mental health free services and apply. There's a waiting list typically but they will take you. Not only that but your medication is free or very cheap (1.00) if any is required at all. Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are not just common but almost come with Lupus itself. managing unhealthy and unusual feelings/thoughts will aide in recovery on all levels.

Remember, lupus is your body fighting itself. If you don't support your good cells and health then who will? You are simply aiding in the longevity of your misery and possible side effects with your liver enzymes and kidneys. They maybe young and bountiful now but in 10 years time they will be shot due to prolonged medicated use. Steroids only work a few wonders, they can't fix what is already broken past repair.

I wish you the best, but you need to clear your head and sort your affairs darling. If you want help you'll get it and if you're broke and over it: go to the ER and tell them you're suicidal. They must admit you and must treat you. Once in the psych center, you will be asset and regulated. You'll receive therapy, medication and be put to the front of the line for mental health care. Your husband will be encouraged to accompany you and your therapist will encourage you to get better. Maybe that's what you need? A sound structured environment away from it all for a few weeks? Think about it, it could change  your entire life.

[gnarly_1]

HI.....sounds like you got a mess going on......well a good start would be to detox off the vicaden and get a base line of just how bad your pain really is.....the brain can cause pain in the body to get you to feed it the narcotic....its a visious cycle that I was cought up in for many years today I manage my pain with non narcotic pain pills like ibuprofine and nanaprox and find im in less pain then I was b/4 will I was on the narcotics.....doing this will require going threw withdrawals you can read up on what thats about here on this site we will also guide you threw them you will experience rebound pain wile your body starts to build up its own supply of natural endorphins this will slowly go away....if you want to get clean we can help you I also want to let you know medhelp has a pain management forum that you may also find helpful
I wish you the best of luck on what ever you decide if its to break free from your addiction where here to help good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Hydrocodone* sorry yes I suck at spelling n lack of knowledge of THIS medication..... BUT NOT on my illnesses  which I have had to live n deal with for yrs.....:(

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Ur right n this is my 4th doc...... like I said b4 at the age of 18  I was first told then my parents took me to get a second opinion.... same results...... Ages18-21 I was seeing the same doctors I had Medicaid. I was on similar regimen....

All these meds are given to me by my Rheumatologist he has me on a so call regimen. When I said nothing about my illnesses was when I 1st changed Doctors bc I had moved I was recently married n pregnant n no longer had Medicaid...... so I bc I was young my pcp had no idea n I took NO MEDICATION, back then I was not on this crap/poison anyways....  BUT what helped me get threw the pains of my lupos etc was eating.... after I had my son I wanted to breastfeed n when ur on meds u can not so I still deny I was sick pretended to be healthy n pain free for 18 more months. That's how long I breastfeed...... I only took motrin if the pain was really bad n that caused my first ulcer.....

After that I told my pcp about my history  n here I am taking all of these meds.... the hydrocone started this yr it seemed to help more w the attacks that I would get w my lupos......... like I also said I had no idea this crap was A so addictive B used like a street drug my doc give it to me bc I need it.... what is funny is that my doctors still give it to me with no problem if I would've had know that this was addictive in no way in hell would ivhad started in the first place I would've told my doc thanks but no thanks. The other meds are NOT ADDICTIVE........ this is y I get mad ashamed bc I had no idea until I wanted to stop taking them n got the w/d

So pls stop being so judgementle n thinking that my illness is a lie....
I came here for support n advice not to be beat down as I am already on the floor
Thank u n God Bless......

[jkc65]

you really do need more help than you can get here. you are an addict. even with legit medical problems. you should see a few different doctors for opinions and make sure all you do have all those problems. ive had friends and seen people thinking they had something because a doctor either made a mistake(which is very possible they are human) some diseases have similar symptoms. Get different opions and retested. You are an addict and have to admit that to your doctors. You made a few key statements, you didnt tell a doctor about all the meds you were on thats the addict in you. If he prescribed something not knowing what you were taking is dangerous. You said you used food as a realease. You hide it from your family. If you have legit medical issues,even addiction is a disease, you should be able to talk to your family. Maybe your afraid your meds will be taken away. But there is alternative treatments,they can adjust your dosages,try some non-narcotic meds. And the amount of APAP your taking is going to really damage your liver. Please be careful and get 2nd,3rd,4th opinions from different doctors. Vicoden and all those other drugs cant be the only answers for you. And you should seek serious therapy from all you have been through. good luck.

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Thank u..... n well today it began its been almost  12 hrs since my last dose..... I think for now on  I can try every 12hrs...... see how my body takes it...... its only day 1.......

[tgtiffany]

Wow.  Your story is amazing.  Crazy, but amazing.  Look what you've already been through, you can do this!!!  Don't feel like you are alone and have no one to talk to, that's what we are here for.  And as dominosarah said, keep writing, it will help.  Even if you think it's too much, it's not and if we dont' understand something then we will ask about it.  I think it's good that you've realized that you're addicted and want to do something about it.  You've already started by taking a lower dose than what you used to.  Just keep going.  Like you said, spread the doses farther apart and after a while you can lower them as well.  Don't get depressed over this, I know it's hard, but it will do nothing but make it worse and make you want to take more.  Remember that you are amazing and that you can do this.  And as I tell everyone here (i'm sure some are tired of hearing it lol)  Every day, at least once a day, look in the mirror and just smile.  Smile and say outloud "I'm amazing, I CAN do this!"  You'll be amazed at how it makes you feel :)  

[justrealizedineedhelp]

THANK U so much for those motivating words. N ur right I can too pass this........ I will begin today and spread out more the hrs my last dose was at 11am

[NoOC123]

It's crazy how you've had so much come your way, and have had to fight through and overcome so much in your life, yet it is the pills and the addiction that finally takes you down. That just goes to show how serious, conniving, and over powering addiction is. IT can take the strongest people and break them down so far that they are willing to do almost anything to get out. It is sad, the way addiction tears threw people's lives and takes you down a path of darkness and despair. You have gotten through all those other things in your life, you can get through this too, but the severity of the situation is not to be taken lightly. Now that you are beginning to see what the pills have done to your life, and the control they have taken on your mind and body do you want to get off of them? If you do, then you should not be ashamed to tell the people around you. I know it's hard to do but fighting addiction and overcoming it is not something to be ashamed of, it is something to be proud of. It is admirable to make it through something like this, as it is one of the hardest toughest battles one may encounter in their life. I think it would help ifyou had the support of your family, a counselor, AA or NA, detox, this web site, these are all possibilities to help you get off the pills. You went through withdrawal once so you know what to expect, and youre on a lower dose now so it seems, so the WD's wont be as bad. This is something you can do, if you want it. You can use your son as motivation.

[dominosarah]

You are doing fine......Just keep writing down how you are feeling.  Doesnt matter if it is long or short.  

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Yea my husband is a piece of work but I would brake my sons heart world if I left his daddy........ I AM SO SORRY I WRITE TOO MUCH N TOO SLOW FOR MY brain.......

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Oh thank u now its clear....

[kme17]

p.s sounds like you need a new husband

[kme17]

but seriously. your story was to long to read and i think you need more than just this fourm to help you. talk to people your husband, family, friends explain it and if you really want help they will see that and u will be suprised how many of them will. but prepare yourself for the ones who wont too. i say if someone you think is close 2 u wont help you then make room for the someone who will be there for you

[kme17]

the 7.5/750. the 750 is just the amount of acetaminophen your taking. the 7.5 is the amount of hydro your taking. acetaminophen recommend amt is 4000mg but that will start messing with your liver

[justrealizedineedhelp]

Yes n I did for like 4 times but I can not afford it....... my husband thinks its stupid n a waste of money he controls the money has he is the sole provider..........

[dominosarah]

Have you given any thought to talking with a therapist?  You have so much pain buried inside of you?