"when did we become addicts"

[road2recovery]

I have been asking myself this question for days now..Okay first off i know it has been almost 3 yrs for me on a daily basis, a little less...But i am 39 yrs old, and i have given birth , had tooth aches, broke my arm,pinched nerve, heel spurs,shingles,migranes, 6 colon surgeries...Always was persribed pain meds for these...Looked at the clock to make sure it was 4 hours before the next..never asked for a refill , sometimes left some unused in the cabinet because i was in no more pain....So what happened???i have been writing a journal for a long time, and trying to figure out what happened in my life(personnal life w/ myslef) that made me this way...For the life of me i cannot figure this **** out..now i think i have to find out what happened in my life, that made me think i need these pills to make me function, and take over my life..Even though i want off so bad, i know i will need a plan, meetings, friends(ya'll) to not relapse..I know it is a struggle of life now, and i will not lose sight of that...Anyway just something i was thinking about..
love ya'll
r2r

[nurseintrouble]

send me your e-mail address if its OK to do that on here.  My address has my name in it so I don't want to post it here

[road2recovery]

i am glad you were not offended..you went to school so long ...i will tel you this , i own a beauty salon, and i did find someone on here that i know.And it is ok because she was in the same boat as me...Once i realized she knew me because of the info i gave of the surgery i went through and almost died, and had a lawsuit...if you go back many pages you can read my story...But i had nothing to lose with her...With you , putting your pic and info you have your job to lose..I want to talk to you so bad, about what happened  to me in the hospital and why i am where i am because nurse did not listen to me, which made me have a heart attack at 39 yr old..And even though i am going to collect alot of money, i am still an addict......anyway got off track,just didn't want your pic up and you lose your job..we are all here for you
r2r

[tautou]

I remember when. It was when I had my wisdom teeth out when I was 19. I remember thinking "I could get used to this feeling"... I wasnt serious until I dontated a kidney to my sister, that is when the hell broke lose. And it continues to this day...  50 hours clean right now and I feel like hell

[nurseintrouble]

I was not offended by the comment to remove my picture.  As you porbably know, I am not thinking to clearly today.  And as far as other addictions, that is what is crazy, I don't do other drugs, never have and I drink only on weekends while out with friends and my boyfriend and then it is only 3 or 4 drinks the whole night.  I am having a glass of wine now, to take the edge off, it is helping, along with this chat group - I already love you guys - thnaks for the support.  R2R....yes, your e-mail just might come in handy tomorrow, if i feel the urge to take some pills.  Withdrawl SUCKS!!!

[road2recovery]

i am glad you agreed with me..i loved her pic..But has so much to lose..Went to school for years, and i just didn't want someone to reaconize her and her job would be over....
so how are you?
r2r

[tooklastdose]

I'm glad you took your pic off.  Don't kid yourself, they can still come after you for obtaining narcotics on the job, after the fact.
Very important to stay on the striaght and narrow now.
Best of luck to you.

[road2recovery]

you are right with one thing---i am an alcoholic- and quit drinking, and i was good...Until i found these pills..SO i traded one addiction to another..But some on here may not be like me..SO for me i have to find out why??? not that i drank everday, but enough to say that is enough..Then thought i found the perfect pill, with no alcohol and the perfect ,mom, so much energy so much personality..SO my idea for your sons is probably what happened to me,,
But thanks god they have a good mom..Because i am not a bad person., just like your sons are not bad men, they probably have the kindest heart....But addiction has got them..
I have four kids as you already know, so i don't know what i will be dealing with, but i am ready, and i will always be there for them..
you are a great mom!!! always remember that..
r2r

[road2recovery]

i know why you posted it, to be honest, which is great like a monkey off your back...BUT with you and your job is what i meant..I hope you didn't take it the wrong way..
you are a beautifull women..And i would love to give you my email and share pics of me and my family, and so many here would do the same..It is good to put a face on the person you talk to for months..
i hope you didn't take that the wrong way....???
r2r

[LIZZIE LOU]

i am assuming you are talking about pills?

what i would like to know is if any of you had an earlier addiction in your life.  i mean...did you just end up substituting one drug for another?  and if so...do you believe that an addict is an addict is an addict.  can you stop the pills but drink responsibly?  did you drink responsibly before the pills?

i know that when davis went to wilderness camp...all of the field counselors were recovering drug addicts.  but you could find them at the local dive after their 5 week stint was up...drinking a few beers to celebrate being out of the wilderness.   are they just setting themselves up for failure?  if they continue to drink socially...will this too become an addiction?

huggs to all,
kim

[nurseintrouble]

OK, I deleted my pic.  I only posted it becuase I am trying to honest with myself and look at the person who has become an addict.  It's hard to admit to being an addict, I always made so many excuses..."I can quit anytime" I would tell myself, but I never wanted too, it's so much easier to function with them.  Although I functioned just fine before them, I have a hard time remebering that.
thank you for all the support....I am going to need it!

[road2recovery]

you are beautifull..but if i were you i would take my pic off...Only because i know how easy it was for me to find this forum..And you are someone who can lose their job..If you would like to tald i can give you my email.
please i am just giving you my opinon...good luck and stay with us...
r2r

[lady_m]

I haven't read your past posts (although I plan on it) and I assume they can't fire you unless you fraudulently obtained them through work, wrote false Rxs, etc.  I thought the same thing - if by chance someone who knew me DID stumble across me on here at least I am not getting clean and would have an easier time dealing with it.  I know your career is a little different than mine, though.

[nurseintrouble]

Hi, yes this is my first day and I feel like ****.  No, i doubt anyone I know looks at this website and if they do, then it will be part of my recovery process, they can't fire if I'm clean right?

[tooklastdose]

welcome.
I looked at your profile, best of luck to you.

Are you not afraid of being indentified by your friends or coworkers?
Or is it to late?

[road2recovery]

welcome to the forum, i read a your post earlier, it has to be so tough to be around them, while you are trying to get off..i can't imagine..But you know you have to do it, your job is at stake ..and i know how long you must have went to school to be where you are..it is not worth throwing away for these stupid pills...Think of how long you had to study and be where you are now..
it will be nice talking to you through this, love to make new freinds here..
good luck
you are on day 1 right?
r2r

[lady_m]

I have been wondering this myself.  I got the "taste" before I even realized it was possible, or that it was something people dealt with.  I went from having full bottles of Rx pain pills sitting in my cabinet for years, to doctor shopping and buying from the streets.  What happened?  When?  I have no idea.  I just know that I went from 'normal' to this.  I don't know when and I don't know why.

[nurseintrouble]

I have been sitting here wondering the same thing.  Was it all the stress from work, was it the bad relationship I was in, or a combination of both.  Work is great now, much less stress, I left the bad relationship 9 months ago, so why do I still need the pills to feel good.  I have great friends and a new man in my life, none of whom know I am abusing narcotics.  I am looking foreward to chatting with all of you to help through this battle.  I need my life back!!!!