I rely on Jesus Christ for my strength and I ask God to take control of my life since I have tried too many times to do it my way and failed,miserably.I understand we aren't suppose to talk about religion but this is far more tham man's 'manmade' garbage.
I have faith that God is real and is our maker and the Bible is His word,a letter to us.This is where I get my support and healing.Thanks Hippy for asking.Without you this forum wouldn't survive.Peace to ya!!
Thanks for the post. On day 6 and it's getting better. I think, I, like most addicts did not realize how sick I really was. The cravings come and go, but yesterday I went from 2:00 until this morning before I had any cravings. I hate the obsesive / compulsive phase of recovery.
I started taking 20mg of prozac about a month before I stopped using and then boosted it to 40mg the week before. It's leveled off the moods and has really helped with the depression.
Talk to you soon.
I agree with you that Jesus has to be our "higher power". I am a Christian who struggles with prescription drug addiction and it has been hell. On one hand, I didn't see how much this had taken over my life, on the other I still sometimes don't want to admit that it has. I know deep down that something drives me to ease the pain with meds, and that God alone should be the one to heal that pain and remove the void. I feel so guilty sometimes because as a Christian, I don't want to / shouldn't be struggling with such demons....but I am broken. In any event, I admit that I am totally powerless to this and cannot do it alone. If we try to rely on our own strength, we will fail. God, please help me get past myself. God helps those who can't help themselves.
I know that you are a great supporter of 12 step group and there is nothing wrong with that. Since you are suggesting it to others as a method of staying clean I think they need the whole story.
First of all, if you follow the statistics, 12 step groups have as a whole has one of the worst success rates of any form disease treatment. As an example, suppose you had some kind of fatal disease. Your doctor tells you that that the only form of treatment available is to go into a smokey room and talk about your disease. Do you think that most people would find this an acceptable choice or would you go else were for treatment.
Second, you say that any ethical psychatrist should send an addict to a 12 step group. I could not disagree more. The more we learn about addiction, the more it is becoming obvious that the source is a biochemical disorder of the brain. As an example, there is a treatment available in Europe called ibogaine therapy. The entire process takes about four days. Following the treatment, the majority of patients stay clean for more than 5 years. The cure rate is much higher than any 12 step group could hope to attain. It is a biochemical treatment for a biochemical disorder. The real tragity is that biochemical research for addiction is not being done.
Third, the concept of powerlessness is inherently flawed. The fact remains that even the most hard core addicts get clean without treatment or 12 step groups between the ages of 35-45 yrs. They do not rehabilitate, they simply burn out when the pain exceeds the pleasure of using the drug. Another example, during the Viet Nam war drug addiction while in Viet Nam was staggering. There was a tremendous fear that after the war the US would be flooded with large numbers of young drug addict solders. This never happened. The vast majority over 90% stopped completely after coming home. So much for the powerless theory.
Fourth, I believe it is one of the worst violations of civil liberties when the courts can sentence a drug offender to a 12 step group. This violates the principles of the consitution. Not to mention the fact that it does not work.
I could go on with this but I think most people get the point. This is nothing personal against anyone who has been helped from 12 step groups. Nevertheless, since a essencial principle of 12 step groups is honesty, I think the whole truth should be known.
It is not true that you have to be clean to go to NA. If that were the case almost no-one would be there. In some groups, not all they will ask you to listen rather than speak. Which is probably a good idea.
Why only one new question today? I wanted to to post a congratulations to Jessearpy who is goin this evening to his rehab center to get his one year alcohol free medalion tomorrow!
Thought that would be a really positive post and he certainly deserves congrats! He has brought so much to this board. He has a truley generous heart.
Well if it is possible to post it please do!
Hey Everyone.. I'm still hanging in there. Day 15 for me and it is still a struggle. Like someone said here, I just really got burnt out of the Hydro's and wanted my energetic life back. Just got a letter from my older sister...she can't stop crying. She had hip surgery (she's only 41) and the doc put her on Vicadin. I told her the Vic's is what is making her cry so much. She can't sleep, hallucinates..etc..does this sound familiar?? I offered to fly her from FLA to here in Phx so that we can be blue together and get through this. I KNOW exactly how she is feeling..alone, isolated, confused, depressed, and just wanting to get away. I have felt the need to get away, but I would miss my kids too much and that would make it worse for me..so I thought, if my sis comes here we can support eachother. I slept great last night. THe doc put me on Ambien 10 mgs for short term and I feel so much better. Still have a very sore back and shoulders..I have never had a back prob so I assume this is part of the recovery..still get headaches and still not eating regularly. I can't wait to feel good again. Good luck to all!
Hey..I just wanted to let you know that Soma can be very difficult to come off of and you have to be very careful. When I was in detox, a young women who was on Soma for a year stopped cold turkey and went into seizures and found herself in the Emergency room not knowing where she was or what she was doing there. I don't want to scare you..just want you to take precaution. The best thing to do is tell your Doc to help you get off them. I know you don't want to tell him, but I'm sure he would understand more than you think. If that is not an option, got to an Urgent Care, pay out of pocket if you are trying to keep this low key and not let family members find out OR find another DOc to help you that your family does not have contact with. Please be careful. These docs can put you on a anti seizure med to help you come off the Soma. I'll be thinking about ya..good luck
For support I come here to this place. As I have said in past posts my addiction is very much hush hush and no one but the people here know about it and my therapist. Well, my best friend knows about it but she herself is an addict and has NO desire to quit. I have thought about going to NA but have heard so many different things about it. Like one thing and hoenstly I don't know if its true or not but you are NOT aloud to be in NA while using is that true??? I also look to God for help but what I'm learning with that I have to take steps to help myself and can't just lay it all on him to do it for me. I want to quit and yest the little monster inside doesnt want to quit. It's so frustrating and so hard. Personally I'm to the point where I get pissed everytime I throw pills in my mouth. I have 8 pills left and I'm going to once again quit cold turkey. I don't want to be on pills suring the Holidays coming up I JUST DON'T Anyway, thanks for reading Love to all Jessica
You are not alone. I, too, was in your same situation 7 days ago. I've been addicted to opiates for 2 years (20+ pills per day). My life was out of control. I stopped cold turkey and it's not easy, but it can be done.
Personally, I beleive in a higher power. You will read different posts from various users. You have to find what works for you. As long as you have a desire to stop using, you can attend any 12 step program, whether you are using or not. I can tell you that I don't think I would still be clean if it were not for the 12 step program I'm in. It's only by the Grace of God, in my opinion.
This forum will really help you if you allow it.
With the premise that addiction is a biochemical disorder, WHICH I AGREE WITH, and as you've stated, that the real tragedy is that biochemical research for addiction is not being done....I repeat Hippees' Question/Post: "Where do we go for support?"
I read his post as, simply getting out of the isolation that substance abuse brings about. Hippee iterates that we need people in our lives for support...yes he frequents NA meetings, but he is not saying that is the only way to recover.
I have been off percocet for almost 3 months, after a pretty healthy 4 year habit, and not once have I attended a meeting...other than on this forum; but I definately feel by bringing others in on my secret/drug use, my chances of staying in recovery are improved. Hell just talking about it made me feel a lit'l better
Again given the glum statistics that 12 step programs afford, and the fact that biochemical research is not being done; if I'm reading this thread because I'm a substance abuser, I'd then be asking "What the Hell do I do Now?"
"Many a friendship long, loyal and sacrificial began on a kind word."
Bodymechanic: It also amazes me that the biochemical work lags sooooo dramatically!!!
When you finish compiling your "research", please share it....I'd love to read it.(in the interum, i'll continue mine as well)
Bmac: I posted back to you yesterday; maybe you missed it.
Hey you probably could give METHMAN(below) some insight into w/d from meth.
....under Day 30..........Open Forum
Thanks,I almost didn't see it.
Q. How did Bill Wilson the founder of AA spend the last years of his life?
A. In bed with dibiliating depression while his wife took care of him. While he was writing the 12 & 12 he smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day till he died. I find it ironic that the founder of serenity movement could never find it himself.
BIOCHEMICAL DISORDER OF THE BRAIN!!!!!!!
I just read the above post from Lizzy and wanted to say I have heard the same thing about Soma. When my sister had trouble coming off them her doctor told her that at high doses there is a danger of a seizure.
Please think about talking to a doctor who can help you. I am currently tapering off of a barbituate which also has the danger of seizures. It is very scary and not an easy thing to do. I found that when I fessed up to 1 of my doctors (I have many all of whom were prescribing the pills to me) but this one doctor was not at all surprised when I told him.
Please keep in touch with us
when ever i use abuse drugs i am killing myself.
when i continued down this path my head always
told me the same thing kill your self.
it has been my experence that i do not do well alone.
i do not relish the idea, but i would rather be on a corner
handing out bible's than have a another 20 perc 's a day
the point being beggers can't be choosy.
and i have been to the point of begging for the nightmare
to end, just to watch it continue for another year.
every place a person gets help,is a good place
every place a person gets support is a good place
where ever we find peace from the nightmare of addiction
it s better than where we come from.
Hey there, Suz-e!
Thanks for the nice comments, but we really don't need to start a whole new thread about anyone's sobriety. How many YEARS someone has being sober from Drugs or Alcohol doesn't mean a thing to me. I admire the people who have just gotten off drugs and/or alcohol, and they are on their 4th or 5th day! That was the absolute HARDEST time for me. I'm proud of myself that I have not taken a drink in ONE YEAR-- However, please realize that it was MY DRINKING that gave me the nerve damage that makes it neccessary for me to take Ultram almost *Daily*.
Keep it goin' people!
One could get the impression that I am down on 12 step groups. With the exception of government forced attendance I am NOT. The principles of 12 step groups are an excellent guide to live by even if you have never picked up a drink or a drug in your life. I think if everyone went, the world would be a much better place. My mission is that the whole truth about AA/NA be told. The truth is that 12 step programs without proper medical attention does not work. When that is accepted by those in power, maybe they will spend more of our tax dollars on looking for a better solution. I don't know if it will ever be accepted since the evidence could not be clearer.
For now I have stopped going to 12 step meetings. I still stay in touch with my sponsor. My brother has been a drug councellor for 30 years. What is important and my brother agrees, without the proper biochemical intervention staying clean is like shoveling **** against the tide. I have been to a lot of meetings. Many, many members although clean, are just as miserable as they were 20 years ago minus the problems caused by drugs and alcohol. Their circumstances are better, no question about it. But deep inside themselves there is depression and an emptiness that just does not go away with time.
My research leads me to believe that there are medications already in use which may greatly help the addict. Some of the parkinson's disease drugs and "smart drugs" which work on the dopamine system rather than the serotonin system seem very promising. The addict has low dopamine levels and NOT low serotonin levels. That is why the standard, expensive antidepressants don't work on so many addicts. It is also the reason why the Thomas recipt seems to help withdrawal. It enhances dopamine productions. Current therapies work on the serotonin system but a very negative side effect is to make dopamine levels even lower. This information is not hard to get. Don't these damn doctors read. Also, bupenorphine alone or possibly combined with other medication may bring a miracle to so many. From what I understand the plan is to make bupenorphine therapy every bit as demoralizing as the methadone program.
My best wishes to everyone, however you choose path to a better life.
My plan is to do my own research, order the medications over the internet and try some combinations till I find one that works. When that is done, then I will go back to 12 step groups. Truth be known I like going. I get more out of a 12 step meeting than I do most church services.
I completely agree I wish that people would see this for the mental disorder it is. I'm interested what do you do? If you don't mind me asking? I am in school for Chem. Eng. I also have a RN degree and a few years critical care, ICU under my belt. I don't work now, I go to school full time. I'm very interested in what you discover.
I believe this to be true also. I do think however that a biochemical treatment may be the first step to help prevent or assist in recovery. Althought not all people will fit into the biochemical model, I believe there are a good portion that is there were adequate levels of dopamine etc... that the draw towards drugs would lessen.
Good luck tomorrow with your counselor - it always helps to talk to someone. I admire your honest and open posts. You inspire me to do the same. Thank you for giving me the courage to confront my own demons. Love and peace, Lisabet.
To anyone who is against NA, I have to say that this forum is very similar to it. we are all addicts trying to support one another. And yes by admitting to others our addiction and sharing our experiences we are increasing our chances of staying clean.