My days were always planned around getting and using pills. I don't even know how to accomplish anything clean. Fearful I can't do it. I used to escape how I felt about living where I do, what I lost, blah blah blah, and how the heck did I get here. I didn't want to think about it. Now I have to think about it, and face the reality of my situation. Its scary, I don't want to be here. The days are long...and it's like I'm watching the clock waiting for the emotions to stabilize...patience and acceptance
i hear you, its really tough to get through these dragging days, im trying to sort my life out and it aint easy at all, there are many reasons for me getting clean, my problem is staying clean, that is the hardest, the longest i went was 2 months last year and ive been on this train for about 5 years, im at 2 weeks now so idk but def keep pushing, were in this together and we can do it, its just a ***** to keep going like this.
You are right, we are NOT alone. Whenever I feel like crap during my day, I think of everyone else possibly feeling the same way. It takes me out of self pity when I know I am not the only one struggling. I will think of you today!
its not easy but you should really be going to meetings from what i hear they are really helpful and important to be successful and if you are able you should I'm not able but i wish i could but i can't do you work? work out? go for walks/runs maybe ? its hard I'm trying to find myself thru all this and I'm 48 so try starting over at that age lol but just try to keep busy not easy and get your butt to meetings man!!!
Coffee vitamins exercise talk to us run clean work cook play meetings commiserate with clean people pray make phone calls. Wake up and say "today I am Staying Clean ". Love ya Tim
thanks 4 the comment!!! good 2 see you!! yea im doing it, hey getting a car next week, im in the same boat as b4 so this is round 2 there is no round 3 so this is it! im doing it
Morning! As far as the planning goes, I like to make lists when I am feeling overwhelmed, or off track. It really helps me to focus, and gives me a sense of accomplishment when I cross the tasks off. I tend to list even the most mundane stuff, because otherwise I get sidetracked . (I have ADD and it's hard to stay on track sometimes.)
As for the feelings, it takes a lot of work to get to the point where you are ok not feeling ok. I like to journal when I am overwhelmed by feelings. It really helps to get it all out there and makes everything a little easier to process. Talking to a sober buddy can also help. Counseling might be a good idea. Meetings really help a lot of people too. Anything that is a forum for you to express yourself as well as learn new and healthy coping skills is the key.
Well then you have so much you can do now!!
Go for a walk or run in the morning or to the gym.
Do your house cleaning and laundry when you get up.
Any shopping you need to do.
Do your yard work - spruce up the yard, flowers maybes vegetable garden to watch grow and nurture
Have lunch with friends family
Maybe get a job ? Not sure if you can or do work...
Hit a meeting in the morning afternoon or evening. AA has them going on all day.
Listen to music
Walk the dog
Read a book on your list
Maybe take some online courses to get a degree you want etc
A sober persons life is not that much different. You are as busy or not as you want to be. If you want to get your cleaning and errands done in the morning and watch TV all afternoon them that is what you do. If you want to sleep late and do all in the afternoon then fine. The only difference is you aren't taking or trying together pills or alcohol. So just try to keep your mind busy.
Life is yours now to make of ot what you want. Explore. Enjoy!!!
As for emotions, you just deal. I didn't start my stuff till 38 years old. Emotions are emotions. Something's get you down or make you angry or upset. You just have to stay focused and rationalize through them. If it is something you can change or fix, then make a list and see what is a good option. If not then you have to accept you can't change everything. And just go on. In time it fades away. Keeping your mind busy helps for it not to wonder as much.
Some habits are hard to break, but it can be down with lots of Motivation and good old Positive Attitude. When I was in my first few months of recovery I had been doing a lot of research about this Addiction in a more Scientific way. We have a Mid-brain (survival) Pleasure part..This part of the brain is responsible for our survival like eating, bonding,drinking, breathing, sex,..When we take our DOC, then it remembers this pleasure and before we know it, nothing matters but drug seeking.
SO I remember waking up in the morning just a yelling to myself..Darn I want to rip this old tape out of my Brain and put a new one in that thinks of a Bowl of Cheerios and a glass of OG when I get up !!! Not these darn pills!! BUT I will say it did go away and now I can get up and have something other..
Now you really do not have to Over Think anything! Just surrender to the Process and you will begin to heal and the Blessing will flow in on there own..Remember that Doing things are way is what got us in this mess!! So trust in God and he will show you the way..WE really have no control of what is going to happen in the future..We do however have a choice on what path to take just for today..
Are you working at a JOB?? If not Volunteer somewhere until you get one..Hit a meetings at 7am in the morning. Pick up a hobby. Fix some things around the house..Learn to sew clothes..Yes, Really guys can do it too! Go out and start a Vegetable Garden..This takes some work and you have to keep at it. I have also found out that if I turn on the TV when I first wake up, then this put me in a kind of low mode..Get up turn up those Tunes and dance around a bit until a light goes off in your head telling you what you can do today..Get a Dog and walk him/her or take the dog to the river or lakes..ANYTHING to keep your mind off of the Addiction thinking. I wish you the best so now get busy!! You can do it!!! Those Emotional waves will ease up soon.
PS You can come to my property and help cut,split and stack wood for the summer..hahaha
Hey Clean -
Firstly, I want to congratulate you on 2 weeks clean and all the efforts you are putting in to ensure a successful recovery!!! I have been following your posts and i really think you have the unwavering willingness needed to fight your addiction and get back to your life... I can relate to a lot of ur story.. I too used for about 7 yrs and could not figure out how to put any sober days together with my longest stint being about 5 weeks -- it was usually boredom that triggered my addict brain but basically it boiled down to me feeling that I needed pills to enhance everything in my life, so when I would stop I wouldn't think things where as fun or exciting, and then like I said my addict brain would kick in and then I would pick up again, saying that I would only use on weekends or special occasions -- yeah right!! LOL... Anyway, 109 days ago I took my last 4 Roxys and with the same commitment and willingness I see from you and I embarked on what I prayed to be my last detox from pills!!! With that in mind I knew It was going to take a sh-it load of work and a new plan of attack as I was scared that I was going to fall into the same traps again, so I needed to change some things... One of the things that has really helped me is that I have the the "Slow down" mindset -- meaning I needed to train myself to slow down and enjoy a moment for what it is not for what it could be if enhanced by chemicals... I know this may sound overly simple or just plain obvious but it was something I NEVER did. I never took the time to take in a moment and let my real emotions react to it... Now as time went on and my mind and body repaired itself from years of abuse, I found all my real emotions returning back to me enabling me to do all the things I used to do and dare I say it's never been better!!! I wouldn't have believed this would have been possible but it's happening.. Now, are things perfect? Of course not.. I have good days and bad days like everyone else but I'm really close to me again and it's only been 108 days clean.. Now, I know you mentioned you cut sources and plan on going to meetings... I also went to meetings I tried to accomplish the 90 in 90, that was huge for me as well.. I'm not sure if you did this or have a support system of sober close friends and/or family that know your "secret" and could be there for you as a support system... I know this isn't your first rodeo so you know what it takes to get this done.. For me it's been a ton of work but as the slow down thing is easier said then done and it really requires focus and discipline and applies to many, many things in life like in making a decision on something or before reacting to my kids, wife, customer, colleague, or friend... I found if slow down I avoid triggers for my addiction.. Anyway, I hope this helps and keep up the great work!
Ha! This is about what we talked about at the meeting last night..Where you here in N Idaho at that meeting..lmao
That's funny.. Lol -- I wish I was.. Idaho is a beautiful state.. I was there once a few years ago for work...
thanks guys, you know i never took the time to slow down and re group my thoughts actions, i always acted on impusle, so yea its the simplist things in like i find the hardest to adapt to, a year ago today my pops passed away in front of me and today has been really rough, ive lost 4 family members in the past 4 years and its hard, its just my sister and myself now, im in florida shes in georgia, i go to see her every 3 months, now i dont have a car becuase im guessing god thinks its best, and mabe thats right becuase i went almost 2 months with no car in december and was ready to hang myself, anyway i got a truck for cheap without a title, got pulled over a month ago and went to jail for 10 hours for suspended licence, i didnt pay 2 tickets in ga i had, there goes the truck also, i get so angry and so mad at this fact and yet im sitting here typing and CLEAN at the same time... i went through 30 thousand in 3 months on my addiction back in june.. mabe this is some type of wake up call.. idk but this is very hard, i just rode my bike 10 miles today and feel amazing.. like my endorphins came back like wham.. idk im just rammbling.. thoughts?
I'm so sorry about you losing your father. I lost my dad 6 years ago and I still have a hard time with it. I know it's easy to get down about all of the things you don't have, or once had. I do it, and I would bet everyone else on here does it too. It's so easy to get caught up in the pity party and feel jaded because you don't have a car, or don't have money, or whatever. When I get like this (and I have been getting like this a lot lately because I am broke!) I really try to focus on what I DO have. It makes me feel blessed for everything that I have. It can always be so much worse, and there are always those who have it way worse than we do. Volunteering is another thing that has helped me in the past. Not only does it help people who are having a harder time than you, it really gives you a sense of humility and compassion. It feels good to help others.
Hang in there my friend. If you stay on the straight and narrow, and keep fighting, you will get another car. You will get your legal troubles squared away. You will get everything that you need, and some of those extras that you want. You are doing great. Don't let anything discourage you.
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your father and other family members, I know that is one of the terrible things life throws at us and it's hard to get over the loss of a loved one, so my thoughts and prayers are with you there. It's amazing how so many things seem to pile up on us at times that it seems we will never get up from under it -- then BAM we take a bike ride, get a good nights sleep, read a book, meditate, workout, run, walk, goto a meeting, talk to a friend.. Well you get the point.. Everything doesn't go away but seems more manageable when I do stuff to get out of my own head... Without sounding cliche being in my own head is the worst place for me to be.. It's where given enough time I will devise a plan of self destruction... Again, this is something that I just recently learned about myself.. In the past I would sit in my own sh-it and just hoped it got better.. In fairness I thought I was "working things out" but I wasn't.. I was just developing a plan to use or building up resentments to lash out in anger.. Then use or relapse.. It was a vicious cycle. Now when those moments approach I try to remove myself from myself (if that makes sense)... I've learned that there are thing we can and cannot change or do or want and no matter what I need to accept that and move on plain and simple... Again, this has been easier said than done at times but it has definately worked in helping me keep sober in my new life style.... Again, I am sorry for your recent loses and I hope this helps you out..