wife found out I'm on suboxone and wants a divorce.Help please

[nowuknow]

My wife found out I had a 11 month secret addiction to painkillers. I started a suboxone program 4 months ago and my wife found the suboxone pills and confronted me I told her everything. It was originally prescribed by a doctor but I also bought them on the street and spent about 10,000$ on them over the 11 months all by taking cash advances from my credit cards for which I will now be declaring bankrupcy. When she first found out she said she'd support me but now after a few months she said she wants a divorce becouse she cant forgive me we have a 13 month old and I cant bear to not be with her full time and I love my baby with all my heart. My wife and I both hate each other right now and she said she wants a divorce and put our house up for sale already.  I really don't think I love her but I'm scared to not try harder to make it work but I also feel if she cant trust me (she wants to watch me take my suboxone and constantly belittles me about it) I know I messed up by not telling her about thr problem but I kind of knew how she would respond and thought I could work it out on my own first by finishing the suborned program then maybe telling her about it. She gives me no credit for quiting on my own recognizing I had a problem and seeking out a suboxone doctor and entering a program instead she says she just cant trust me we have been married for 4 years and dating for 9years she knows me well before I had this problem and the man that I am and I am that same man know I just fled up for 1 out of the 9 years. I'm lost and I don't know if I  should try and work on it or just go along with the divorce.  If it wasn't for our baby I would probably just get the divorce but I have mixed feelings.

[old_dude66]

Im 2 months into methadone withdrawal after having cancer.  also pretty sick and also checking my computer ..

you be proud of your own acheivements bruv.

ur a legend ;)

[optimus22mac]

Thanks Vicki:) I sent you a PM

[vicki595]

Try to be okay...I'm sure he's alright. Looking through the thread, he's said this sort of thing numerous times over the months. It still makes you wonder, of course.

This happens once in awhile on the forum and if it helps, the Moderaters are very good about "looking into" these threats if they deem it necessary...

I hope you get better quickly! Being sick doesn't do much for a good mood, does it?

[optimus22mac]

I have sent him 2 PMs over the past 23 hours.  I've been sick in bed, but every time I'd get up to go to the washroom, I'd get my computer out so I could check...it;s hard to sleep when you see something like this...especially because I've had a really rough couple of months, and the reason I got off my pain meds were because I was getting very deeply depressed....VERY.  Wanted to be done with so many parts of this life, but did not want to be done with my kids!!! EVER!!  I could never do that to them ever!!!  I got off my meds because the amounts I was taking made me think that there was a possibility that the kids would find me in my bed in the morning....dead.  And that thought, plus my depression, is what got me on suboxone.  My pain issues are overall worse than I ever would have imagined pain....but I had to choose to do something that would keep me here with my kids.  And for me, with my very severe pain, suboxone serves 2 purposes.  It keeps me off the other meds, and keeps me "in line" and it gives me a good amount of pain relief, and supplemented with motrin, I am so much better off.  
And "nowuknow" chose to stop his pills and get on suboxone, doing whatever he needed to do to get back on track for his baby, and he has a deep clinical depression, and I feel his pain so much...and I am having a very hard time with this.    

[vicki595]

It makes you wonder if he's okay...

[quitinoxys]

Very well said  lesa, see we are all here for you so come back and talk to us.

[10356]

I will also be sending  prayer for you Nowuknow... sometimes things look bad but given a chance for a new day they might not be so bleak i wish my lil bro would have given it just another day i truly believe he would be alive today.. there is nothing we can not overcome.. nothing... be kind to yourself.. forgive yourself.. love yourself enough to Not leave a horrible legacy for your daughter to try to figure out the whys for the rest of her life.... for it will effect her the rest of her life in a Negative way...... Love her enough to go thru what you need to so you can get it behind you ok.. warm hugs to ease your pain.. lesa

[vicki595]

I sent him a PM

[dominosarah]

Please come back here and talk with us........

[quitinoxys]

Yea dude I was one of the people who was upset by your threats. All of us on here are caring people and when we hear GOODBYE'S being posted we get very worried and upset. None of us here get paid to do this we are here because this site saved our lives and want to give back and help others. You should definatley talk to a mental health professional (and I am not saying this because I pissed) because you have very deep seeded emotional issues. I am saying this to be judgemental just trying to be caring and real. I hope you come back as we all still want to help you. I will pray for you God Bless.

[nursegirl6572]

I don't think people realize, if they're serious or not, how BADLY those kinds of posts affect the people reading them.  Being the CL of the depression forum, I see those a lot, and a lot of times, I can't shake them.  I think about those people, I worry about them, it leaves me feeling SO helpless.  THEN, people (some of them anyway), come back, like weeks later to post an update, stating they had to clear their head, etc...meanwhile, two seconds to say, "I'm okay" would be SO appreciated by those people who really DO care, who really get upset reading stuff like that.  I want to say, "in those weeks when you've been clearing your head, you've had people upset and worried."  NOT cool.

There's a very young and distraught girl on the D forum who was suicidal pretty frequently, always did what I could, rallied around her, encouraged her, notified the mods so they could do their part, and she always managed to stick it out.

The last time she did this (again), it was MUCH more final, much different than the other posts.  She's never returned, and it sickens me to think she may have actually done it.  I HATE the not knowing, and I feel like my hands are tied.

There's only SO much we can do online, but people need to understand how much it affects us...that it leaves us feeling sad, scared, helpless.  It's not just words, we really DO care, and with the nature of an online forum, SELDOM do we ever find out what happened.

SO, OP, if you're reading any of this, PLEASE at least let the people who care KNOW you're okay.  I hope and pray you're out there, because to take yourself away from your daughter is just unfathomable to me.  NOTHING in life is EVER bad enough to take yourself away from the very person who depends on you.  When we become parents, we don't GET that option anymore.  I don't care how bad things get, there's always another option.  To do that to your child is just unthinkable to me.  Get yourself some help, do whatever it takes.

I hope you're okay, please check in, because people DO care, people worry, and you would be surprised to the extent this kind of thing "sticks" with people.  I think of that young girl all the time.  Breaks my heart that I don't know what happened.  I can only pray those people are okay.  

I tell you, there are many days, when I go into that D forum, and see more threads like that, I almost want to NOT read them, because I get myself emotionally invested again, and it's SO hard.  But, as long as I know that my words MAY help talk someone down, I'll keep trying, and I remind myself that the simple fact that they're posting means they're still reaching out.

[tryingtocope39]

I noticed that too...

[vicki595]

Many were upset last night by your threatening post...

In reading back over time, I see you've threatened suicide here before. It seems every couple of months you come to this forum specifically to say GOODBYE.

[optimus22mac]

Your daughter is young, and you will get yourself together.  You have rights as a father,...you will be with her for the rest of her life, you just need to get through this rough spot.  and i know this rough spot is really really hard.  i know.  and i know how it feels  to feel as low as you do....but you had the strength to stop abusing pills and to start suboxone! you can get through this! you will have a lifetime with your beautiful girl...no matter how bad your relationship with your wife is, if you hate eachother forever, you still have rights as a father.  you need to decide to work towards that now.  you got help for the pills, and went to a doctor, and now you need to reach out for help....we are all here wanting to talk to you.  and we will continue to be,

[GarbageAddict360]

Listen, you don't have to do this.  I stumbled on your post because I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about my significant other that killed herself 2 months today. My every thought is of her and all the things I miss about her. I know you may feel that there is no other option, but think of all the people you are going to effect, your daughter will forever miss you. She needs you in her life. I am pleading with you to reconsider.  There is ALWAYS another option.  Tears pour down my face because of the pain I know you are feeling, but my heart hurts just the same from the loss I have experienced. It eats at me every day and I am forever changed because of her passing.  Talk to us, talk to me.  There is nothing we can't deal with together.  You have the support of all the people on here!

[vicki595]

Did anyone report this??

[quitinoxys]

Hey don't give up, your wife can't just take your daughter away and not let you see her. The are legal actions you can take so this doesn't happen. Are you still on subs? Don't give up keep posting here and we will try to help you through this. My prayers are with you God Bless

[atthebeach]

hey dont say good bye
come on keep talking to us.
tell us how you are doing?
did you taper off the subs?
your ex cant legally keep your daughter away from you.
have you spoken to a lawyer?

[nowuknow]

My ex has kept my daughter from me for over 2 months my life is sooo terrible and I just cant go on anymore I'm just want it all to go away I'm scared I dont know how or if it will hurt or where will I go afterwards. All of your comments have helped me to go on this long but I just hit this towering wall that I cant see over.  I feel awful how it will affect my family and most important my daughter but I just have no other option.
I AM SOOOOOOOO SORRY MY PRINCESS DADDY LOVES YOU,  IF YOU EVER READ THIS ONE DAY JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.

GOODBYE

[nowuknow]

Thank you for your concern but my life is over and can never be the same again..... Its better to burn out than fade away.......... I'm sorry....

:(
:(
x l
x l

[Fireby29]

Whoa nowuknow, you cannot just drop a post like that on us.  Get on here and tell us what is going on.  It's ok like BKitty said, we are here, but you gotta tell us what is up.  

Bryan

[Bkitty]

Wait! Whats going on? Please please talk to us. We are here for you.

[nowuknow]

I can't take it anymore she wont let me see my daughter . I'm just so beaten down and I just don't think I can go on any longer. You have all been very kind and your words helped me very much, I thank you all........................
................... Goodbye :( .........

[knalan76]

I am in the a simalar situation, I have been married to my wife for 9 yrs and have two daughters 4 and 9. wife has been an addict of opiates since the birth of our 9 yr old. She has been on suboxine for the last 4 yrs. Our marriage has been a living hell. The subs seem to be no better then the oxys. She is not the same women I married. I am at my wits end, I think I am still around because of our children. The Dr prescribing her suboxine seems to me at this point just another thug dealer. I have tried to work with her over the yrs but it is getting old and so are we. I could write a book I have tried to find the cure but I dont think now there is one. She doesnt seem to ever really care about anything, kids, the bills, househould, sex, etc. She sleeps alot and I worry about the welfare of my kids while I am at work and there have been a couple times I have had to leave work when I felt she should be able to handle it. After all these yrs of this I think divorce is the answer for me but not my kids or her. Not sure what to do anymore.