Am I an Addict?

[mctesser]

I started using cocaine when I was about 18. I have always used the drug on and off for about 6-7 years. Now I am doing it every weekend and although I don't see it as a big deal, there's a reason why i'm writing this post, so something must be wrong. Some of my friends know that I use it and therefore no longer speak to me. The friends I hang around with now don't know I use it, neither does my girlfriend. It's scary when I think about how much it controls my life and the lies I tell to get hold of and use the drug. The problem is that when I don't use it, reality starts to kick in. I'm not nice to my girlfriend, I get very paranoid and to top it all I am think that people think I am gay. Even though I am definately not gay, I was bullied as a kid and can't seem to shake this paranoia. Any advice would be gratefully excepted.

[J T Junig, MD PhD]

Yes, of course you are addicted-- although the psych term would be 'substance dependence.'  Taking a substance to avoid feelings is what addiction is all about.

You could TRY to establish a relationship with a therapist;  and AODA therapist would be best, given the problem with substances.  If you cannot stay sober that wa, you would need a more intensive treatment, such as residntial treatment.  

The goal will be to help you stop blocking your feelings, and then working to tolerate the feelings that remain.  It is hard to say in advance whether you will have a number of feelings related to childhood that will need to be addressed-- or whether they are simply being activated by your being in a similar situation-- i.e. being beaten up and bullied by cocaine.

Seek help-- maybe from an AODA program and counselor first, especially one with a good local reputation.  If that doesn't work, take the next step.  Drug addiction IS a disease- it is not 'secondary' to something.  

Take care-- I wish you the best.

[Moke64916]

If your even asking the question if you are an addict, the question raised in you.  If you think you might be, you are.  Even if it's on the weekends, it's still addictive behavior.  Recognition that your an addict is the first step towards recovery.  That is if you want to.