Stick it out or run????

[wiawsnb]

So I've been with my bf for about a year and a half now. When we got together he was addicted to opiates, mostly Norco.  He told me that now n then when he can't get his pills he uses heroin. So of course, he began what he claims just 1 line a morning to get by ended up being everyday ALL DAY use. He is a pathalogical liar so of course he did everything to hide the extent of his use. So to make a long story short, Oct 29th he got and started using Suboxone. I would say it lasted about a week and he was right back to using. 2 weeks ago I asked him about it and he denied it up and down. But I knew better. Here's the kicker,  I'm 39 and want a baby, we want a baby.it was actually his idea. So back in August I started seeing a dr and went thru some procedures. So, basically I was told I got 3 shots at becoming pregnant and after that If it don't happen I need to seek other options. We were using ovulation tester strips so for 7 days he couldn't stay clean???? Last Saturday I went thru his things and just as I knew all along I found a bag o f dope. He denied it was his and all the usual bs. Lets not forget that I am the bad guy here because I don't trust or believe him.  So needless to say, today he kinda came clean he admits to using again but still denies how muxh...  like I'm stupid or something. So I now have 2 months of pregnancy pills and tester strips and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him anymore because I feel soooo betrayed andI ccan't believe a single word he says. He says I'm being selfish and he thinks like its no big deal and its just a relapse but to me its much more than that. What do I do? I feel I will always hold a grudge against him because of the baby thing it will always be in my mind how he got me going on this then let me down. I also know he won't get professional help.

[wiawsnb]

We live together so seperating is a little more difficult and he also has a teenage daughter that I don't want to leave behind. He's tryn to come clean, he has even asked for my help. I believe he don't want to do it but addiction is a hard thing to beat. He says last time he didn't get enough time before having to go back to work ( he only got like 3days off) That was a part of the problem,  a kid he was working with has a bad addiction and there fore he was around it. But....  I would say the last week right before n after I caught him he's been picking up by himself. So anyways this time we are on day day 3 again and he's hoping for another day or 2 off and the kid at wk won't be around. I just don't know I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt, I feel I owe him one more chance we are only human. And, as for baby, maybe it just wasn't written in my story that's all.

[babikatie16]

you honestly dont want to bring a baby into that and because of the usage the sperm can be full of it and be very harmful to your baby. have you tried separating and telling him when he proves he can do better and wants help you guys will try to work things out.?.?

[wiawsnb]

Thank you I appreciate that and your right we are kinda in the same boat. Good luck I hope everything works out for you and your bf.  

[gggg33]

I am in the same boat kind of..u can read my post If you'd like...I have no advice as I don't know what to do myself but just wanted to reach out to u and let u know u r not alone and I'm scared to.