Your wife's concern is, unfortunately, well grounded. There are certainly very strict HIPPA and privacy regulations as well as simple doctor-patient confidentiality, however as soon as any information hits the insurers, all bets are off. All insurance companies share their vast information about all of us with each other and all the underwriters, so even though the employers or schools may not find out; if you ever what to buy life/health or other insurance the information will be there. And if it is there for them, who else is it there for?
On the other hand doing this cold turkey is very unwise, as you rightly said. Your wife will quickly find out that the symptoms of narcotic withdrawal are rather gory and may be intolerable. One way of attempting it is tapering use slowly and consistently, without breaking a set pattern, i.e. incrementally increasing the time periods between the pills. Another is switching to a medication like Suboxone and paying out of pocket, again making sure that you are working with a reputable physician and staying the course of consistent tapering of medication. Many believe that it is easier to taper Suboxone since it is not a pure agonist (opiate), but also a blocker of opioid receptors.
In our practice we see many people who get addicted to Suboxone as well, and turn to us for detox. So please be careful and be persistent in tapering if you choose to go that way. Another option is to do it with medical assistance like detox under anesthesia. It is completely confidential, but of course, not covered by insurance. You can get more info on the web or on my website. You can also read my blog on the matter. Good luck to you and your wife and please be in touch, let me know what happens.
hippa laws say that can't be disclosed to employers. i would just make sure that you read all the paper work the dr offices gives you before signing and if something about 3rd parties strikes a question ASK the nurse or recp or dr before you sign. I understand what you mean i am sketchy of things like this also and if i were to want to stop i would try and just do it in private. but u have to have the will power to taper down on your own. if you cant do that them cold turkey it is. its not like some drugs it wont kill you but from what i have heard death is more than welcome with withdrawal. im not a doctor and i hope i havent stuck my nose where it dont belong but i doctor will eventually answer you on here.. good luck to you both