Stigma of a "small town addict"

[jazzlvr66]

Ok, I think this is my 1st post.  I have been narcotic free for at least two months now.  My history with percocet & other Rx pain med is extensive: I have been on & off of them for YEARS for everything from leukemia bone pain, violent reactions to platelet transfusions (over 15 yrs ago--IVdemerol), and most recently -- cervicogenic headaches/migraines.  So this has been and on/off again problem for me (percocet/lortab/fioricet).  Even though I haven't taken anything in 2-3months, I am dealing with all the acute post withdrawal garbage that just doesn't seem to be getting better (depression, mild to moderate craving, apathy, lethargy, moodiness, loss of interest in things, flat affect, etc).  I think I may have permanently changed my brain chemistry for good.  :0(  However, this is my problem....I live in a small town/community.  Everybody knows everybody and everyone WANTS to know everybody's business (ugh I hate it because I actually grew up in a large metropolitan area -- NYC).  I am really starting to think that I desperately need to get into some kind of rehab program or definitely start seeing a drug counselor to help me stay clean and stay strong, but I am so worried that the gossip mongers in this little superficial, squeaky clean community may find out about my addiction.  I dread this because I have young children in the school district and certainly wouldn't want word to get around to their playmates' parents, etc.  Often, even if I see a doctor for a hangnail in a neighboring town, I will run into someone I know!  This is preventing me from getting the drug counseling that I really feel that I desperately need!  I haven't been able to get support from friends & family -- My husband/family are not supportive in any way, whatsoever -- and so I feel very much alone here.  Since I've only lived in this tiny community for 2 yrs, I still just don't trust anyone yet to confide about this very personal problem.  Similar experiences or suggestions?  :0)

[thegypsy9164]

It's amazing how everyone seems to know we are an addict before we do.  Generally, by the time we end up getting help everyone already knew that we needed help.  You've had good feedback here.  Keep it real but keep it cool.  Certain specifics are noone ele's business.  Boundaries are a good thing.  You are going to have to get support from other "recovering" addicts but in AA/NA there is a 12th tradition (anonymity).  Living in a vacuum like it sounds you are is not a good environment for recovery.  Keep posting here and talking through it.

Joey
8-4-84

[hdrayton]

Jazz,
The very first thing to do is to absolutely not keep it a secret.  Even in a small town, you will find that if there is one of you, there is another hundred just like you,. all keeping the same secret.  When you expose problems, you'll find that others will come out and the support that you will receive as well as give will be surprising.  I promise that you will get more support than critisism.  This is an illness like any other illness, when you address your addiction address it as such.  You also can not fight a battle with hate.  You have to fight it with love.  other words, do not focus on hating the addiction, focus on loving your life, body and mind enough to protect it from the drugs and addiction.  I promise you will over come this.  

[mulberrybern]

I use to think the way you do that I dont want anyone knowind that I was an addict.  Then I realized that its a disease and everyone knows that Im also diabetic so whats the difference.  Yeah addiction has a negative stigma to it but that is going to be something of the past in the near future.  More and more people are being educated about the disease model and a popular understanding is near.  I found that once I told alot of the people around me it became a team effort for me and the ones who love me to beat this disease.  It is tough to come out and say it but this is an issue fot the addict and everyone who is a part of their lives.  Usually everyone opens up to you and is willing to help.  Just a thought,
Thanks cory

[J T Junig, MD PhD]

Everyone has to find their own comfort level with dealing about their addiction.  The entire community where I life knows about my addiction-- it was hard to hide, given that my story was on the internet for the Board discipline for diverting narcotics. Just today, though, I was with a group of medical students-- I teach at the Medical College of Wisconsin every Wednesday morning-- and I was joking about the article about me in Mens Health.  You can still find it on the internet if you search for the catchy title:  The junkie in the OR.  But I have always been very upfront about it, and here I am teaching at a major medical school in spite of my problems eight years ago.

A couple things.  Boundaries are tough issues with addictions, and you will just need to work on them.... talk to a therapist, practice setting and keeping them, etc.    I don't recommend keeping things secret, as in a small town the more you try to hide something the more people talk about it.  I just keep it very matter-of-fact, and find that it rarely comes up.

The main thing, though, is that you are ein very early recovery, and the odds are against you.  so avoid boasting or promising anything.  Work on maintaining humility.... that way if things do go bad, and I truly hope they don't, you will have people willing to help and support you.

Take care, and I wish you the best.